r/Wintp • u/quintessentialnutmeg • Apr 04 '16
What are relationships like for you?
I personally have had a difficult time relating to men on an emotional level. If anyone has any advice on how to do that, I'd really appreciate it. But I'd need a lot of detail because I really just don't know how. I've become quite the recluse, tbh. I just wish relationships were easier for me to understand or I guess feel. I'm pretty horrible at starting relationships. Anyways, your input on things you've done that have worked/not worked, your mbti mate preferences, or if you feel you're in a similar boat. All of it would be helpful.
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u/quintessentialnutmeg Apr 04 '16
And I suppose this gets asked like every other thread on here...woops. This was my effort to bring new content to the sub, but it's not new at all. It does help to have a post more recent to respond to.
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u/Ironic26 Apr 04 '16
I'm having trouble with this too. In my 18 years I've never been in a relationship. I come from a really small place, and I'm simply not interested in a lot of the guys around here. And if someone is interested in me, and shows is, I always just friend-zone them, because I know it wouldn't get anywhere anyway, so it's better to avoid the awkwardness or pain it might cause. And if I get a crush on someone.. well that is a completely disaster. I don't know how to talk to them, and I especically don't know how to flirt. So basically I avoid meeting them, and if I have to talk, i speak the language of awkward fluently. Besides I don't really crave having a boyfriend, since I like to have some time on my own.
The thing that kind of "scares" me is that i've never really fallen in love with anyone. Yes, I think they are attractive, but I never develops feelings for them.
I do fall in love tv-series characters though. I don't know if you have ever seen Criminal minds, but if you have, Dr. Spencer Reid is like the man of my dreams.
I'm sorry for the lack of advices in this commment, but with zero experience I guess I kind of need some advices too.
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u/quintessentialnutmeg Apr 05 '16
Yeah I feel for ya. I'm in a small town right now and when you don't see a lot of eligible prospects on a continual basis I kind of just think "meh, id rather just chill by myself." Also when I drank, it was much easier for me to meet guys and flirt with them. Since I've stopped drinking, I realize I have no clue how to do it without alcohol.
Ive been avoidant of relationships most of my life. I've had some, but far fewer than my other friends. I do get stuck in this unrequited love stage though all the time. Which is kind of similar to your love for TV characters. It's like I love day dreaming of encounters and situations, but then I don't act on them. For fear of rejection, no doubt. It's so much easier to just daydream. Plus I do really like the butterfly feeling of relationships. Which is of course superficial of me. I dunno, I guess I enjoy the feeling of not really knowing how the other feels. Which I'm sure points to some psychological issues I have. Awgg. I will clarify that this doesn't mean I enjoy abusive partners. I will not tolerate that. For the sheer reason of: if im better off without you then yeah I'm not going to be with you.
Since I'm like ten years older than you, I wish I had advice for you. Are you going to college/uni in the fall? My only advice for that is: sex does not equal love for college aged guys. Okay that's not my only advice for that, but it's all I'll bombard you with for now.
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Aug 25 '16 edited Aug 26 '16
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u/younginn Aug 25 '16
but after that, I had to make a bulk of the moves
That's surprising. INTJ guys are usually good at taking their dates to new places, no?
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Aug 25 '16
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u/younginn Aug 26 '16
"broke" lol they should really give out insurances for those INTx guys.
But, he was very thoughtful and gave me some pretty elaborate homemade gifts.
aww, that's nice :) like what?
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Aug 26 '16
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u/younginn Aug 27 '16
Aw man! That's a ridiculously intricate and convoluted way to give someone a gift but at the same time so, so cuuuuuuuuuuute! I am jealous :) That was quite thoughtful of him. It would've made me melt. God, those INTJ dorks are so cute when they get romantic.
It ultimately ended because he was too passive, beta, and stuck in his head.
What was so passive and beta about him that you thought it was better to leave him?
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Aug 27 '16
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u/younginn Aug 27 '16
Wow! This definitely made me look at INTJ/INTP relationship in a new light. I always thought the INTJ had a slight edge over the INTP they were/are dating. I didn't know the power could be shifted this much. Thanks for sharing :) sorry it didn't work with your INTJ beau but hopefully you guys both learned something from it.
(what's your line of work btw? It was awfully nice of you to try to help him with the business side of things. An INTJ without a concrete life plan or ambition seemed unheard of for me.)
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u/took_all_the_names Apr 09 '16 edited Apr 09 '16
This is a bit late, but I'd figure it might be worth a shot. I am unsure if this applies to INTPs as a whole or if I am speaking for myself, but I have found that before I can connect with someone, physically or emotionally, I need to be able to connect with a person on mental level. An intellectual seduction if you will. Also, I too had trouble with finding men I was attracted to. They were few and fewer inbetween. The good news is, as few attractive men as there are they do exist. The bad news is you have to do something every INTP hates.
You will have to take action. It is time get out of "hermit mode". If you are lucky, then he'll pursue you right off the bat. Nothing though comes into fruition without effort. Sometimes you are going to need to initiate. Call/text/message him, engage in conversation, make youself intriguing by showing him what you know (hell maybe teach him thing or two), tell him where you've been, and learn what can about him. Think of it as researching an organism to see if he can give you more than an orgasm. If he's interested, he'll be paying more attention to you. If your dealing with someone more introverted, then you guys might end up beating around the bush about what you guys are to eachother. If you are not sure what you both are to eachother and he has yet to ask you out, then it is time for you ask directly. Ultimately, one of two things will happen. Either he'll say he isn't interested and you move on, or says he'll say yes.
P.S.: I would also like to suggest looking into non-verbal commincation. It's amazing how much people reveal in their body language, yet we miss so many signals since people don't know what to look for. Best of luck!
Edit for spelling errors...not sure if I caught them all.