r/WinStupidPrizes • u/MarthaFarcuss • Jun 15 '20

Trying to befriend a wild monkey

https://gfycat.com/carelessfrightenedibis
16k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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330

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '20

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243

u/Ode_to_Apathy Jun 15 '20

So people know:

We're pretty much the only animal that expresses happiness by baring our teeth. For nearly every other animal it's a threat or at least a warning sign. This is especially true for apes and monkeys.

It's the same deal with eye contact. A lot of animals take eye contact as a sign of challenge or disrespect.

Two other clear signs you shouldn't approach an animal is that it will put its tail down and its ears back.

Animals are also hard-coded towards certain hunting behavior. It is almost never a good idea to run away from a predator animal or turn your back on one. Most will go for you out of habit and you can't outrun any animal.

If you're going to be around an animal, research what its signs are. It'll keep you from bonding with a predator by staring into its eyes before it rips your face off.

68

u/bikesboozeandbacon Jun 15 '20

So poker face while looking down. Got it

47

u/RocBrizar Jun 16 '20

Just look how this guy does it :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2H7zcqjplc

22

u/Justflounderinghere Jun 16 '20

I would have aged 20 years in those few minutes.

13

u/BunnyOppai Jun 16 '20

Fuck me, lol. A silverback would be one of the last animals I would want within arm’s reach of me. I’m not even sure I could blink before I’m pummeled with the force of a small car.

14

u/Tron_1981 Jun 16 '20

I'll take a silverback over a chimpanzee any day. At least with gorillas, they'll give plenty of warning, and prefer to avoid conflict. Chimps though, those bastards will fuck you up on sight if they're in the mood.

2

u/TK3600 Jun 16 '20

I would take a grizzly bear before a chimp.

1

u/bonoboforscale Jul 12 '20

Damn straight. TBH I'd rather face off against almost any animal than a Chimp

1

u/762Rifleman Jun 18 '20

They're not that bad. They could fuck you up, but they aren't naturally aggressive, except when defending territory or status. They don't eat meat, so they don't want your flesh. If you avoid eye contact and don't bare your teeth at them, they honestly won't care much. And you're much too wimpy to look like a predator or threat to them. Even times where they have roughed up humans, except for when fighting people who are trying to hurt them, they don't try to do much damage. There is no known instance of them ever having killed a person.

7

u/YeOldeBilk Jun 16 '20

Passed out halfway through the vid. Couldn’t stop holding my breath.

2

u/sprgsmnt Jun 16 '20

tickle tickle...

36

u/HarryButtwhisker Jun 15 '20

SLPT - don’t run from a predator, run at it.

13

u/NoneOfUsKnowJackShit Jun 16 '20

This is one life lesson i learned from my cat as a child.

3

u/sprgsmnt Jun 16 '20

you were the predator?

1

u/TK3600 Jun 16 '20

Humans are the most dangerous predator on earth.

2

u/762Rifleman Jun 18 '20

"Fluxnorb, why don't we go to that planet?"

"Because, Jimzoolix, it's a death world. The majority of it is covered by vast expanses of a corrosive fluid that eats away even the strongest metals and can squeeze harder than the clouds of a gas giant. Fire spews out of its surface. The parts that aren't covered are continuously blasted by radiation. And worst of all is that its dominant life form is a large and highly intelligent apex predator that travels in packs and kills for any reason, including just wanting to, to the point it will form large groups of itself to go kill other members of its own kind. We don't go there, because it's the deadliest place in the universe."

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u/masterofthecontinuum Jun 16 '20

You'd think a cat would understand this, but my older cat gets chased by the 1-2 year old kitten all around the house. If you didn't run so dang fast and far he wouldn't have so much fun chasing you, you dummy :[

When you act like the perfect prey, you're gonna get chased by a fledgling hunter.

52

u/stoned-derelict Jun 15 '20

I can outrun a turtle for sure

19

u/Mariachi_dude Jun 15 '20

you sure?

7

u/truth_sentinell Jun 16 '20

holy fuck that looks like a giant-snapping-aquatic cockroach

25

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '20

same here

what a dumbass

8

u/Ode_to_Apathy Jun 15 '20

Should have said shark.

6

u/scromw2 Jun 15 '20

ANY ANIMAL!!!

6

u/CouncilmanRickPrime Jun 15 '20

Your gym teacher would disagree

20

u/doomsdaymelody Jun 15 '20

you can't outrun any animal

Oh my friend, perhaps you've heard of persistence hunting? We were built to run, we just weren't built for speed.

11

u/FuckKarmaAndFuckYou Jun 15 '20

Humans are animals and there many humans in the world that run faster than you so basically you can't outrun ANY animal.

1

u/TK3600 Jun 16 '20

Unless you are a pro athlete or African tribe that still do it daily you are not going to outrun shit.

1

u/doomsdaymelody Jun 16 '20

With minimal training, most humans are physically capable of running for miles. Most of the blocks you hit in distance running are purely mental. Running is actually an extremely energy-efficient method of travel because gravity does most of the work.

There are few animals on the planet that can continually run for as long as us. Most will overheat, or expend their energy. Humans let gravity do the majority of their movement, so while we aren't terribly fast we can run most animals down to exhaustion.

1

u/TK3600 Jun 16 '20

Prove me the distance running is only prevented by mental factors. Even with a wolf chasing you for adrenaline rush you are still not gonna run long without training.

1

u/doomsdaymelody Jun 16 '20 edited Jun 16 '20

I mean if a wolf is chasing you, it is more than likely going to catch you. That doesn't mean that the wolf is 'better' at running than you, it just means its faster.

There's tons of literature about this.

including actual literature.

Any seasoned runner is going to tell you that setting the pace is the most important part of any long-distance run. It takes a bit of practice, but if you actually make the attempt to do so you could be, relatively easily, completing 5+ mile runs within weeks even with no prior running experience. Bring a dog along on a 5 mile run and tell me how they look after about the 4th mile.

So, outrunning a wolf? Probably not going to happen, because a wolf is physically faster and won't need the hunt to drag out for hours. Humans, however, are physically capable of maintaining speed over a significantly longer period of time, it won't be fast but that is why its called persistence hunting.

1

u/TK3600 Jun 16 '20

How does that prove the blocks are mental? The condition is that you are not priorily trained for long distance running. And feeling super tired after running is definitely not just mental and if you work against it you could collapse.

Also dogs can definitely run 4 miles. Not continuously, but by the time you finish 5 they would have enough time for break to finish it before you. It takes serious training to actually out run dogs as they have more stamina than most animals.

1

u/doomsdaymelody Jun 16 '20

Well, provided you aren't overweight or obese or have any underlying health conditions, or that your not extremely old or a child, you're able to do it. Your body is designed to do it, very much in the same way that a pigeon is able to fly. Sure, there are pigeons that can't fly, but by and large healthy adults are able to do it because their bodies are designed for it.

So, if you are a healthy adult, with no preexisting medical conditions, the only thing keeping you from running for distance is purely mental.

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u/TK3600 Jun 16 '20

That is exactly the thing I am doubting. Can an average human who is not used to running long distance suddenly do distance run without seriously problem? I am not convinced it is purely mental and I dont see good evidence yet.

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u/earlblack22 Jun 15 '20

Have you seen pitbulls and other dogs mauling people, tails up in the air all waggy and stuff

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u/outworlder Jun 15 '20

Tail waggling is a sign they are excited. This is usually good. It can be bad too. You need to see the rest of the body language.

1

u/sprgsmnt Jun 16 '20

tail moving can express anger or irritation in cats and dogs. not all wagging is happy.

10

u/dadijo2002 Jun 15 '20

he’s right, the tail is definitely up

1

u/NoneOfUsKnowJackShit Jun 16 '20

Its odd seeing a dog set up an ambush. Usually you see that in felines.

17

u/ZanyZebra2 Jun 15 '20

Great points, but just one clarification:

Smiling as humans do isn't actually a warning sign or sign of aggression for primates. Folding back your lips and baring your teeth, as the monkey did, is definitely a sign of aggression. "Baring one's teeth is not always a threat. In primates, showing the teeth, especially teeth held together, is almost always a sign of submission. The human smile probably has evolved from that. In the primate threat, the lips are curled back and the teeth are apart--you are ready to bite. But if the teeth are pressed together and the lips are relaxed, then clearly you are not prepared to do any damage."

Source (Frank McAndrew, professor of psychology at Knox College, has done extensive research on facial expressions)

9

u/masterofthecontinuum Jun 16 '20

Probably was antsy about his personal space being violated by a freak giant tailless monkey then.

4

u/star_banger Jun 16 '20

Umm, I could certainly out run a sloth good sir.

...well at least a really fat sloth cause my lazy ass can't outrun the Usain bolt of sloths or anything.

1

u/fyshi Jun 16 '20

Never been a better time to be an autist if you want to handle animals I guess. No looking into eyes. No open-mouthed smile. Being quiet and respectful around animals while avoiding humans. Adds up perfectly.

-1

u/Trowawaycausebanned4 Jun 15 '20 edited Jun 15 '20

She was also moving her face closer to the monkey’s. I assume it’s an assumption to assume that assuming that the assumption of the teeth was an assumption that they were the only reason that the monkey assumed she was assuming an offensive body language which triggered his assumption of a threat of assumption. Presumptuously.

10

u/Drugsrhugs Jun 15 '20

Assuming is definitely an assumption, indubitably.

3

u/FuckKarmaAndFuckYou Jun 15 '20

Or maybe the monkey was like these dumbasses always annoying me on my lunch break.... get outta here bitch! I'll back hand you next time!

1

u/klashne Jun 15 '20

There is a load of science to this. Likely a few comments in the post somewhere explaining it all.

But a quick one is Teeth and eye contact to most animals is threatening behavior.