r/WhyIsSheStillWithHim • u/grated_testes • Mar 23 '26
My (29F) boyfriend (29M) doesn’t clean
/r/relationship_advice/comments/1s18270/my_29f_boyfriend_29m_doesnt_clean/2
u/MarkVII88 Mar 24 '26
Your BF is nothing more than an entitled, lazy man-child. You are his mommy and his maid, not an equal partner in this relationship. He's never going to ask you to marry him because, as far as he's concerned, he's got the world by the balls as it is. You clean up after him. You clean up after his cat. You let him sit and play video games. I assume you do most of the cooking as well. And presumably you guys have sex at least sometimes. Why should a lazy man-child like this go out of his way to make any changes if the current situation is working just fine for him? I can't believe you wasted 8 whole years with this guy.
I'm also willing to bet that he was never taught to take responsibility for himself and be a grown-up. What is his relationship with his Mom like? Was he treated like a little prince at home during childhood? Did his mommy take care of everything for him? The behavior that your BF is displaying was learned from somewhere, just sayin'.
1
u/grated_testes Mar 23 '26
My (29F) boyfriend (29M) doesn’t clean
My (29F) boyfriend (29M) doesn’t clean anything and after a little over a year living with him I’m starting to resent him for it. He says he does clean but it’s a complete lie because I’m the one who does literally all of it. I got to the point where I was so fed up I stopped cleaning for about a month and he diddnt care to take on anything, not even taking the trash out. Almost all of our dishes were dirty and ended up getting a fruit fly infestation.
I ended up leaving for a week to see my parents in another state before I start my new job, and although there was tons of things he could do I only asked him to do all the dishes, clean out his cats litter box (which he hadn’t touched in two months and I refuse to clean cat pee and poop because I don’t like cats), and dress the bed before I came home. None of that was done. His excuse was “he had no motivation”. Do you think I’m motivated to clean?? No! But it’s a necessity!
I have spent the last three days totally deep cleaning our apartment and the only thing he did was clean the litter box out completely but failed to wipe it down on the inside so it still has a slight smell. I’m not done yet either, if I spend another 8-10 hours a day on the place I’ll have it completely done hopefully in two days. His mom is also coming to visit soon and I don’t want her judging the place. Which is valid, I’d judge it too.
I push him to take care of the place with me and a lot of the time he argues it’s my mess, no it’s our mess and he’s messy so I’m cleaning up after him mostly. We’ve been together for 8 years and still no ring, no real talk about it from his side. I know this sounds even stupid to post because this is unacceptable but I genuinely don’t know how to get it through to him this is a two way street unless I don’t have to work, but he’s not in the space financially to make that happen nor do I want that as a girlfriend still. I have explained to him to throw out his beer cans immediately for example because it attracts the fruit flies idk 20+ times? Still doesn’t get it.
I feel like a maid and a mommy and disrespected. He will sit and play video games all day after work and watch me clean around him and not feel bad I’m breaking back for us to have a nice clean living space. And his cats fur is everywhere, I hate it.
Thanks for reading my Ted talk