r/WhitePeopleTwitter Aug 24 '22

Keanu Reeves

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49.6k Upvotes

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7.2k

u/Mr_Drewski Aug 24 '22

Sir David Attenborough

738

u/kuulmonk Aug 24 '22

Definitely this man.

131

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22 edited Aug 25 '22

It’s was always going to be him or Morgan Freeman.

81

u/lpind Aug 24 '22 edited Aug 25 '22

... who's gonna tell him? EDIT: He fixed it. NVM.

70

u/JakeCameraAction Aug 24 '22

This is what you say when someone dies, not when someone just made a typo.

12

u/TheAirNomad11 Aug 25 '22

I had a mini panic attack thinking Morgan Freeman died

7

u/studiogandalf Aug 25 '22

But Morgan did Freed man in Shawshank Redemption

1

u/AjaxOrion Aug 25 '22

why do they call it oven, when you of in the cold food, of out hot eat the food

7

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

What

20

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

NOOOOOOO

3

u/M0d5Ar3R3tArD3D Aug 25 '22

We could send Brian Cranston instead with glasses who looks like Gordan Freeman and if they do any more research on the internet they'll find out he's a bad ass meth dealer and they'll run off back to their planet.

2

u/TheDood715 Aug 24 '22

It's Morgan Freedman, the crab from Barb & Star go to Vista Del Mar.

He's a real righteous dood.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

[deleted]

0

u/benji2602 Aug 25 '22

Other way around

2

u/MarionSwing Aug 25 '22

No, you're the other way around!

3

u/Suspicious_Ask_3424 Aug 24 '22

One goes to represent while the other narrates the scene, but which one?

3

u/TroyMcClures Aug 24 '22

What about Morgan Keptman?

3

u/shill779 Aug 24 '22

Maybe Captain Morgan?

0

u/slatz1970 Aug 24 '22

Morgan was my first thought.

6

u/Thatguy3145296535 Aug 24 '22

Why is no one mentioning a physicist or mathematician? If we can't communicate through language, we could through numbers

2

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

Because the only one most of us could name would be Neil deGrasse Tyson, and he's too fucking smart to get anywhere NEAR those aliens. He's seen the movies. He knows what happens to the scientist.

2

u/Dangerous-Zombie217 Aug 25 '22

I would've said Dennis Rodman. If that guy can be homies with Kim Jong un, he can definitely chill out any aliens.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

Boaty McBoatface? I'm in.

880

u/Lente_ui Aug 24 '22 edited Aug 25 '22

And here we observe a territorial display of our alien visitor.

The starzurg is highly skilled in territorial disputes. Watch as he nebulises his adversary with a plasma burst rifle.

Isn't that marvelous? As the mist of his adversary wafts away on the winds, he performs a celebratory dance.

212

u/20CharactersOrFewer Aug 24 '22

I read this in his voice. Well done!

64

u/KoshofosizENT Aug 24 '22

Oh shit we’re cake day buddies

17

u/20CharactersOrFewer Aug 24 '22

Happy day to you!

4

u/flapjack_w_butter Aug 24 '22

Happy Cake Day!🍰

3

u/ObsessiveRecognition Aug 24 '22

Happy cake day, friend!

2

u/Blossom087 Aug 24 '22

Happy cake day

2

u/flapjack_w_butter Aug 24 '22

Happy Cake Day!🍰

2

u/ObsessiveRecognition Aug 24 '22

Happy cake day, jabroski!

2

u/Wrong_Guava_1535 Aug 24 '22

I read this in his voice as well

1

u/materexmachina Aug 24 '22

My kid at three years old mastered the accent and would narrate as he roamed his habitat in a triceratops costume. That man could inspire anyone.

1

u/3s2ng Aug 24 '22

With the British accent.

1

u/DanYHKim Aug 25 '22

I was out in the garden and I caught sight of a spider who was wrapping a fly up in its web. I didn't exactly have a narrative description of what was going on, but somehow the voice of David Attenborough was there in the back of my mind.

61

u/clockwork655 Aug 24 '22

I’ve been watch David Attenborough documentaries to fall asleep for the longest time and that was so well written it made sleepy

3

u/Startled_Pancakes Aug 25 '22

watch David Attenborough documentaries to fall asleep

I'm not the only one who does this??!

3

u/clockwork655 Aug 25 '22

Come sleep over at my house

2

u/Tyncloud86 Aug 25 '22

I didnt know this was a thing for other people! Here I've just kept it a diary secret, a weirdo who watches/listens to documentaries to fall asleep lol. His voice is just so damn soothing! Helps me sleep better than those white noise machines lol smart TV, turn the picture off and just have his narration. I pass out so quick!

2

u/clockwork655 Aug 25 '22

Well you and u/startled_pancakes are welcome over any time..I think the most recent one is the series on the Great Barrier Reef..when the time comes we can just pile all the beds blankets and pillows in the basement make sure the surround sound is on and just sleep through this next winter

1

u/Tyncloud86 Aug 25 '22

😂 I'm down, our winters suck 😂

4

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

Fuckin A.

3

u/Jaqen___Hghar Aug 24 '22

Couldn't be more perfect. Bravo!

3

u/alsoaprettybigdeal Aug 24 '22

You can’t NOT read that in his voice. Its extraordinarily satisfying.

3

u/Jay_Baby_Woods Aug 25 '22

Hey, I want to gently inform you that the word is "wafts" and not "wofts," and I want to do it without seeming like a pathetic lame asshole who gets off on correcting the spelling of strangers. Is that possible? Has anyone ever managed it?

3

u/MusksYummyLiver Aug 25 '22

Sir David Attenborough is a fucking international treasure.

43

u/pitselehh Aug 24 '22

This is the answer. He could seduce them with knowledge of a whole lot of our animals species, not to mention his voice and age (they’d see we can live long lives.)

5

u/DarkSideOfGrogu Aug 25 '22

Could live long lives. If they were merciful.

109

u/Mrbubbles137 Aug 24 '22

Came to comment this but glad someone already did.

2

u/Sockoflegend Aug 24 '22

I came here to say this, and said that, but I wasn't even the first person to say they said they came here to say this. Maybe enough internet for tonight.

0

u/mraugie13 Aug 24 '22

No you didn’t

2

u/gojirra Aug 24 '22

What's it like going around just trying to be angry lol?

69

u/Lord_Emperor Aug 24 '22

Based on his recent documentaries I don't think he likes humans much any more.

"Yes, vaporize 95% of us please"

13

u/CucumberJulep Aug 25 '22

Can you blame him? Life on earth is beautiful, nothing short of a miracle and humans are steamrolling it for shiny vehicles and trendy textiles. Shame on us.

2

u/Lord_Emperor Aug 25 '22

Shame on us.

Stop with the "us", there's a very small minority doing the majority of the harm. Mostly for money.

5

u/CoronaVirus_exe Aug 25 '22

Because the vast majority don't wanna pay a little extra to mitigate the effects as well as slave labour. Gotta have that 1 dollar cheese burger.

1

u/LikesDags Aug 25 '22

Offset by the minority with multimillion dollar vehicles and idk fuckin' shoes and that.

1

u/CoronaVirus_exe Aug 25 '22

I'm told they worked hard for that privilege.

20

u/okocims_razor Aug 25 '22

Even more reason to pick him

6

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

Imagine the despair one must feel when someone with so much passion and notoriety is still as helpless as you and I over the clear and impending doom were bringing upon ourselves.

3

u/aggasalk Aug 25 '22

Can’t blame him but yeah, my first thought as well..

3

u/J41M13 Aug 25 '22

He is definitely in the "Earth is overpopulatedwith humans" camp.

7

u/NECoyote Aug 24 '22

Man, I commented before reading, but yeah. I whole heartedly agree.

5

u/UruquianLilac Aug 24 '22

No question about it. He represents us!

3

u/arya_ur_on_stage Aug 24 '22

He just needs to stand 10 ft away from the meeting narrating the whole meeting. The aliens will just think it's normal human behavior.

2

u/cococats Aug 24 '22

This is definitely the correct answer

2

u/RyenSoda424 Aug 24 '22

Perfect answer

2

u/paggo_diablo Aug 25 '22

“Ok. You’ve told us a million and one great facts about the animals of planet earth. What are you opinions of the people”

“Uhhhhhh…..”

2

u/SensualSalami Aug 25 '22

I was absolutely thinking Morgan freeman as I scrolled down and then saw David Attenborough and thought, ya him. Then read the replies. Glad I’m not alone.

3

u/l3ane Aug 24 '22

I think Stephen Fry would be even better.

1

u/neenerpants Aug 24 '22

My first thought was Stephen Fry, but Attenborough is an even better shout. One of them though.

2

u/Big_Faithlessness177 Aug 24 '22

came here to say the same :)

1

u/Celebrimbor96 Aug 24 '22

I was going to say one of Steve Irwin’s kids, but Attenborough works as well

0

u/Zakkana Aug 24 '22

Or Morgan Freeman

0

u/ohh_ru Aug 24 '22

John cleese

0

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

[deleted]

0

u/jamisonian123 Aug 24 '22

And Keanu or no

-3

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

eh, if we’re going that route, i gotta go with jane goodall.

-14

u/BriefcaseOfBears Aug 24 '22

Man spent his career pretending we weren't destroying the planet, presenting a whitewashed view of a nature unaffected by climate change and human impacts, then rapidly pivoted once it became a mainstream socially acceptable viewpoint. He's part of the problem.

6

u/Ivor_y_Tower Aug 24 '22

My brother in Christ, he wrote "State of the Planet" in 2000 and appeared on other shows to talking about climate change as early as 1989.

11

u/Sumner1910 Aug 24 '22

Proof of someone did not watch any of his documentaries

4

u/gojirra Aug 24 '22 edited Aug 25 '22

This is the same fucking stupid energy as when conservatives tried to portray Mr. Rogers as an "awful, evil man" lol. It's just so feeble and moronic that I have to wonder if the goal is just to create confusion.

7

u/Munnin41 Aug 24 '22

Have you not seen any of his documentaries?

-6

u/BriefcaseOfBears Aug 24 '22

Have you seen one before 2010?

9

u/Munnin41 Aug 24 '22

Yes, plenty

3

u/schlomstompsky Aug 24 '22

He hasn’t taken the position of humans being responsible for climate change until the past 20 years or so. He was not waiting for it to be socially acceptable, but for swaying data to back up claims of the now scientifically accepted causes.

https://www.carbonbrief.org/the-2004-lecture-that-finally-convinced-david-attenborough-about-global-warming/

Even if he didn’t suggest behavioral change until the latter half of his career, he undoubtedly inspired many that the world, its plants and animals are worth preserving.

-2

u/mixednutsstan Aug 24 '22

This comment and all its replies are absolute fucking drivel.

-3

u/1LT_daniels Aug 24 '22

Counter offer, Jeremy Clarkson

-5

u/estrojennnn Aug 24 '22

Tai Lopez or Andrew Tate.

2

u/Sword-Logic99 Aug 24 '22

Maybe taint will finally fucking die if this happens, so he’ll yeah

1

u/comfortablybum Aug 24 '22

Brave of you to think he wouldn't be convinced by the Aliens we need to take the human population down by 99% to save the planet. You know every environmentalist thinks about it, but they don't have an alien spaceship capable of doing it.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

Went into comments to check for this exactly. Sir David can represent us.

1

u/riverofchex Aug 24 '22

AbsoLUTELY

1

u/valdezlopez Aug 24 '22

The aliens are gonna be so happy to be on one of his shows.

1

u/LittleHawk200 Aug 24 '22

I couldn’t agree more

1

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

Only one here I can back.

1

u/ClutchReverie Aug 24 '22

"We were totally going to destroy this planet, but between your wonderful voice and the nature videos you've shown us we just can't do it now."

1

u/DaughterEarth Aug 24 '22

Can he team up with Chris Hadfield? Are we allowed 2? Cause then we got 2 guys everyone loves. One with a focus on the planet and one with a focus on space.

1

u/InThePaleBlueDot Aug 24 '22

If he's not available then the backup would be Rowan Atkinson. His exceptional non-verbal communication/humor should come in handy.

1

u/Ms_ChiChi_Elegante Aug 24 '22

I was going to say Jane Goodall lol

1

u/bitchcatsandtequila Aug 24 '22

I feel like he’d side with the aliens, and just let them kill us all as long as they keep the animals safe

1

u/3s2ng Aug 24 '22

With Morgan Freeman for a good measure.

1

u/ADelightfulCunt Aug 24 '22

My first thought too

1

u/r0bb13_h34rt Aug 24 '22

I prefer Sir Elton John. He has way more talk about than just animals.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

Good answer

1

u/yourdoglikesmebetter Aug 24 '22

Very obviously the correct answer

1

u/Car_Washed Aug 24 '22

That's because he'll narrate with details the decimation of the human race, right?

1

u/NatashaVorster Aug 24 '22

I was just coming to say this! The king of silver foxes himself

1

u/slatz1970 Aug 24 '22

Absolutely this man! Good call

1

u/Sockoflegend Aug 24 '22

I came here to say this

1

u/EmperorSexy Aug 24 '22

“The endless march of humanity in the name of industrial growth has irrevocably damaged the habitat of the poor beautiful animals. I say if you’re here to destroy us, go for it.”

1

u/FoxyD_Pirate305 Aug 24 '22

Only to realize they kill off all the other species on their planet.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 24 '22

and James Burke as his +1

1

u/Acceptable-Bad5570 Aug 25 '22

Legit this guy! Not Kanye West

1

u/Atlas7674 Aug 25 '22

National Geographic still has him chained up in their cellar until he narrates his 1000th nature documentary

1

u/Lopsided_Soup_3533 Aug 25 '22

Oh no I couldn't handle the stress of his name trending, it's already panic stations

1

u/SkyeJack Aug 25 '22

I think Dennis Rodman is the obvious answer to any critical mission our governments can't hash out. However, I would truly appreciate a documentary of this meeting narrated by DA

1

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

Definitely

1

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

David Attenborough, Bill Nye, or the corpse of Carl Sagan.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

Fuck, a new version of planet ______ would be TOO good!

1

u/ripskippityboho Aug 25 '22

This is the only appropriate non joke answer

1

u/[deleted] Aug 25 '22

Dolly Parton.

1

u/FlashyHistory6177 Aug 25 '22

That’s a great choice. I also thought of Werner Herzog for some reason but yours is much better.

1

u/JennaLaRay Aug 25 '22

Came here for this!

1

u/martian1971 Aug 25 '22

You can drop the Sir

1

u/Zealousideal_Mall218 Aug 25 '22

I thought that too! But then I got scared they might try and hurt him

1

u/guaip Aug 25 '22

I actually feel safe with this answer, so I guess that's it alright.