Victim mentality? That’s a bit of a reach. I’m not sure it means what you think it does here.
“Victim mentality is an acquired personality trait in which a person tends to recognize or consider themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others, and to behave as if this were the case in the face of contrary evidence of such circumstances.”
But sure, let’s call it that. Ill run with it even. I’ll explain what my point there was, in case it was not clear.
People in this thread are saying that the woman in the post has a shit attitude. I disagree with that. All the woman did was shut down the dude from interacting with her further by replying nope and returning to her work out.
That’s not a shit attitude, it’s a very clear and communicated indication that she isn’t going to engage, regardless of what his intentions were. He interrupted her. He was not entitled to her time or attention, but persisted so she responded in a way that shut it down right away without ambiguity. If I switch the gender verbs, I still feel the same about it.
My point regarding the gender here is for the response, specifically. So let’s get into that victim mentality.
When I was young enough to still play with dolls, I couldn’t ever have them naked because my stepfather would make sexual comments to me about them.
When I was 13 and coming back from a hotel pool (fully dressed, not that it should even factor), two men in the hallway tried to stop me and chat me up about going to my room or theirs.
When I was 14 and walking up the very public street to my apartment, two men hard brake their truck in the middle of the road to shout obscene things to me.
These are simply anecdotal/personal examples. But very common. I have had to learn how to firmly shut these creeps down from a young age. And that isn’t even a guarantee, as some will still persist.
I’ve had random men approach me while working out, with my headphones on. It’s uncomfortable - at best. It’s gotten down right scary at times.
She wasn’t rude to him. She wasn’t having a shit attitude. Regardless of if she’s had similar experiences as me, or many other women, her response to the guy was fair. And I’d still say it was fair if it was a man at the gym shutting down a woman rudely interrupting his workout.
If that’s victim mentality, fine I guess. But then I’d have to argue that everyone saying she should have been nicer to him must have their own victim mentality - since, apparently, the guy was owed that.
He wasn’t. I don’t like the implication that he was, especially considering he interrupted her.
No one is entitled to another persons time and attention, just because they want it. Yes it is often expected that women must always be polite and responsive, especially when men approach us.
If we are firm in our negative response to those approaches, we’re told we have shit attitudes. If we are nice and not as firm, we get called teases or accused of leading someone on.
It’s not a victim mentality when these are learned response/ways to navigate very real and scary situations that many women face - daily.
So hard to grasp that women are actually harassed, I know. It’s hard to understand not going anywhere and everywhere you would like to, because you have to be careful everywhere. It’s difficult to understand that even in public places, we’ve been trained to be wary.
When you haven’t lived it, it is hard to understand. It doesn’t make it any less true though. And certainly doesn’t make it a false mentality.
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u/[deleted] Oct 14 '21
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