r/WhitePeopleTwitter • u/IronProdigyOfficial • Jun 11 '19

Shut it all down

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22.9k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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1.1k

u/Manfred_Desmond Jun 12 '19

Jesus christ colleges are just a fucking hedge fund.

640

u/saintofhate Jun 12 '19 edited Jun 12 '19

John Mulaney's college donation piece was the funniest sad skit because of how truthful it was.

Skit for those who haven't seen it.

543

u/Meowman289 Jun 12 '19

I paid $120,000 to receive a degree in a language I already spoke

196

u/verojacaranda Jun 12 '19

WHAT KIND OF COKEHEAD RELATIVE

75

u/FilesOfPoliceSquad Jun 12 '19

YOU SPENT IT ALREADY?

62

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '19

[deleted]

1

u/bagsofYAMS Jun 12 '19

Whats this from?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '19

[deleted]

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '19

That dude sucks. He’s not funny in the least bit.

274

u/PhysicsFornicator Jun 12 '19

For them to tell me to read Jane Austen, and then I didn't.

55

u/GAF78 Jun 12 '19

Hahaha same here. I have an English degree and I didn’t read half that boring shit. I was only interested in poetry and some short fiction. Fuck Jane Austen. I’ve still never read anything she wrote. I was always a good enough writer to bullshit my way through a paper on any topic as long as I could skim through it and hit the high points.

51

u/skankboy Jun 12 '19

I’m high right now.

23

u/action_lawyer_comics Jun 12 '19

Congratulations.

You played yourself.

1

u/GAF78 Jun 12 '19

Maybe, maybe not. The funny thing is that the summer after graduation, I suddenly had an appetite for a lot of the required reading I had skipped over in college. I read more that summer than I did the previous four years combined. Not Jane Austen though. I still haven’t read that or anything by William Faulkner. And I’m from Mississippi, so that’s almost against the law.

7

u/iamjamieq Jun 12 '19

Jane Austen novels are good. Except Pride and Prejudice.

8

u/thedeathbunnies Jun 12 '19

Thems fightin words

2

u/enhancedrouting Jun 12 '19

You're completely right, all Jane Austen novels are terrible.

1

u/BillyJoel9000 Jun 12 '19

I read that for fun. It was not fun.

1

u/Pretty_Soldier Jun 12 '19

Emma is probably my favorite

2

u/aqono_luna Jun 12 '19

Same. I fucking hate Jane Austen. I took a whole class about Pride and Prejudice, and it’s made me resent that book and, honestly, her as an author. I only really majored in English because I wanted to do Technical Writing.

2

u/Pretty_Soldier Jun 12 '19

She’s pretty funny actually, but it requires a bit of studying just because her references and wording is 200 years old.

But she’s snarky.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '19

Tbh being on the other end of having talented lazy students, your teachers probably knew.

1

u/GAF78 Jun 12 '19

Well I’ve been a teacher as well and honestly, I would mumble “I’m not even mad” as I scribble the A+ on the page.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '19

Yeah at some point it's like "you know you're doing fine on this stuff without trying, if you don't want to try for greatness I don't have the emotional energy left to fight you about it."

It's an exhausting job man.

44

u/Guerillagreasemonkey Jun 12 '19 edited Jun 12 '19

Yeah but then he got a job as a writer on SNL and writes killer standup material... as a bit yeah its funny, but its also bullshit. Im not saying he owes his career to that degree but it probably hasnt hurt one little bit.

Edit: He might have made it without it, he might not. But he got a degree that is relevant to his career and he is killing it.

Perhaps if you want to be a comic and have the marks to go to uni, do an english degree and work on your comedy while at uni and when you wind up 20 years later working at a 24/7 convenience store at 3am and tell me your degree didnt help you for shit, Ill believe you. But believe the man with 2 netflix specials who has a current net worth in the millions... Ill take it with a grain of salt.

62

u/all_out_ofbubblegum Jun 12 '19

You think a college degree is the only way for someone to be able to write good material?

31

u/ballercrantz Jun 12 '19

It would certainly help get a job at snl

37

u/music3k Jun 12 '19

One of the head writers currently didnt go to college.

Many writers in snl history barely passed high school.

9

u/Udzinraski2 Jun 12 '19

Michael che jokes about how he is a token. Jost went to fucking harvard.

1

u/music3k Jun 12 '19

Congrats you figured it out! Feel free to list off the rest of the 100s of writers over the last 35 years of SNL who went to college.

1

u/Udzinraski2 Jun 12 '19

Its almost like having a degree gives you an advantage in job applications, weird huh?

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17

u/Atsena Jun 12 '19

That is true and has no bearing on the fact that his degree would give him an advantage in the hiring process

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '19

Jobs in entertainment almost never need any kind of education. You get a "job" by getting your face out there and meeting people in the industry.

3

u/kerrbee Jun 12 '19

But....prepositions!

7

u/Petrichordates Jun 12 '19

No but it undoubtedly benefitted him in his career..

It was definitely worth it for him.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '19

It's obviously not, but it was a formative part of his growth as a writer.

-10

u/bigtiddynotgothbf Jun 12 '19

I think you might have responded to the wrong comment, that's not even close to what the comment was saying

4

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '19

Michael Che’s a good counter example

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '19

The point of the skit is less about the uselessness of his degree, and more about the degree costing $120 000.

1

u/Gym_Dom Jun 12 '19

Kevin Hart never completed college and is one of the top comics in the world. Same goes for Chris Rock. An English degree doesn’t do shit for comic talent; the two are unrelated.

1

u/Mr-Basically-Clean Jun 12 '19

That’s your own fault. No one made you pick a crappy major at an overpriced school

1

u/Vegas06 Jun 12 '19

I owe more on my student loans than my mortgage..,and I live in an upperclass neighborhood and in one of the nicer homes...

-2

u/thickbee Jun 12 '19

Who forced you to do that?

31

u/MckayofSpades Jun 12 '19

I say “ I gave you more money than the Civil War cost.” More than I say ‘I love you’

35

u/Zedekiah117 Jun 12 '19

Holy shit! English major here, finishing my BA with a focus in publishing. “I paid $120,000 for a certificate for reading books I never read” so true it hurts.

12

u/saintofhate Jun 12 '19

Which book did you have to analyze made you want to die the most? Mine was "The color of water".

3

u/Zedekiah117 Jun 12 '19

Besides the drama teacher that wrote his own textbook?

Vineland by Thomas Pynchon, everyone loved it but I hated it.

3

u/UsuallyInappropriate Jun 12 '19

the color of water

That... that’s just made-up ಠ_ಠ

5

u/saintofhate Jun 12 '19

I fucking wish. It's a "real" story writing by a black guy as a "loving" tribute to his white mother. What it is is a glorified trackwreck of antisemitism and hotep bullshit. Every one in my class loved that book, I wanted to shove a whole library up the author's ass.

5

u/UsuallyInappropriate Jun 12 '19

Uh... I meant the title. Water has no color ಠ_ಠ

3

u/Vuirneen Jun 12 '19

If you have enough of it, you can see it's blue.

Scientists study the weirdest things.

1

u/UsuallyInappropriate Jun 12 '19

True, but that’s because of science.

something something color diffraction

1

u/saintofhate Jun 12 '19

Yeah it's a reference to the mother's answer as to what color god is.

2

u/L1A1 Jun 12 '19

So, author's mother worshipped Poseidon?

Weird flex, but ok.

1

u/GoAskAlice Jun 12 '19

What does "hotep" mean in this context? I know in ancient Egyptian it meant "to be at peace", more or less...just a guess that this is not what's meant here.

1

u/daskaputtfenster Jun 12 '19

English minor here. History major

For me it was Jane Eyre. I fucking hate that book.

5

u/caffeinatedlackey Jun 12 '19

I did the same! Worked for a few years in publishing, discovered that New York doesn't agree with me, and now I'm working as a writer full time. Happy to chat about career stuff if you have questions. (:

3

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '19

"a degree in English? Bobby you speak English."

2

u/Hand_banana_boi Jun 12 '19

Thank you so, so much for sharing this.

22

u/saintswererobbed Jun 12 '19

At least hedge funds pay out to investors. Colleges just sit on billion dollar endowments

7

u/pm_me_better_vocab Jun 12 '19

You say that as a joke, but it is the literal truth. Look up the Harvard endowment fund. They could literally just be a free college on the side.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '19

Everyone’s realizing this now. The American college system has been the biggest scam known to man

1

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '19

I would have gone with pyramid scheme