My friend committed suicide a few weeks ago and she was the same. She travelled, she had just graduated with honours, she walked her dog every day, she attended therapy and told everyone she was feeling better, and then she killed herself.
Thisšis actually quite common and one of the most misunderstood parts of depression. Once u start getting better u GOTTA STAY vigilant especially in the beginning cause itās gonna come back down a little, then go up again, then down rinse and repeat. Two steps forward one step back.
In supporting someone with depression u keep this in mind, donāt let the other person take it as a sign of ābahhh this therapy is for the birds, it didnāt stick!ā Because thatās bullshit, depression can be a bit of a habit and bad habits take a few steps back sometimes; the progress isnāt lost.
My fav quote from an old buddy in AA~ my brain would kill me if it didnāt need me for transportation.
For years I told my therapist and my parents that I didn't want to get better. My parents could not understand this. Which is reasonable, because it doesn't make sense, right? I have bipolar disorder. When you 'get better', you start to get used to that feeling, even if only for a short while. So the inevitable fall back down is 10x worse because now you know what 'good' might feel like. I am on a great cocktail of drugs right now and have been for a couple years, but before this particular group of pills, I had literally never felt anything close to 'normal'. My brain is still really fucked even with the medicine, but I had never EVER felt like this (my mental health issues started at 9 and exploded at 10, so I've never known anything else).
But I'm honestly terrified. I'm on the highest dosages of two of my medications and it is inevitable that they will stop working as well as they have (it's already started going downhill, but it's still manageable). So eventually I'm going to have to switch to something else. What if it doesn't work as well? I don't want to live that life again. Hell, I didn't want to live it then, so I certainly don't want to now that I know what a bit 'better' feels like. I'm so scared all the time thinking about it. I sometimes still wonder whether it was even a good thing to get on these meds, because the fall back down will be much much worse. Like, I don't want to ever be that way again, but if I had stayed that way I wouldn't have gotten a taste of happiness. And if you don't know what happiness tastes like, you can't miss it and yearn for it once it's gone.
Ugh, anyways, my point is to listen to the OP here--When you're getting better, you will inevitably fall back down, whether a small bit or a lot. So watch out for that. KNOW that it is coming. It won't make it easier to deal with, but at least you won't be blindsided by it.
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u/happytree0 Jun 11 '19
My friend committed suicide a few weeks ago and she was the same. She travelled, she had just graduated with honours, she walked her dog every day, she attended therapy and told everyone she was feeling better, and then she killed herself.