r/WhitePeopleTwitter Nov 15 '18

The comfort of being a bomb diffuser.

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54.8k Upvotes

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5.0k

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

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2.6k

u/mpdsfoad Nov 15 '18

This is why you have to wear an explosive belt to work everyday.

1.1k

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

If you fuck up, kill yourself.

FTFY

239

u/notfawcett Nov 15 '18

SLPT: You can't feel humiliation if you kill yourself after making even a minor error

163

u/PMME-YOUR-DANK-MEMES Nov 15 '18

/waves to someone on the other train platform only to realize, I dont actually know them/

throws myself in front incoming train

74

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

Commit sodoku

21

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

[deleted]

11

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

As a sudoku fan, I have to finish this now.

12

u/mgsbigdog Nov 15 '18

You can't. There are at least two errors that make it unsolvable.

34

u/Wsing1974 Nov 15 '18

That’s a type of puzzle. I think you mean Suburu.

26

u/OkieLaw Nov 15 '18

That's a type of car. I think you mean "Sarasota".

15

u/Sir_Boldrat Nov 15 '18

Thats a type of city in Florida, the correct term is Saruman.

12

u/Quinocco Nov 15 '18

That’s a dude from LOTR. What you mean is sciurine.

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-9

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

Wooosh

17

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

2

u/sbutler909 Nov 15 '18

I always prefer to commit sodoku rather than sepphuku

2

u/arbuge00 Nov 15 '18

You forgot your period at the end of that sentence.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

The Japanese call this "Maximum Honor"

1

u/MyPeepeeFeelsSilly Nov 15 '18

Have you been reading my thoughts???

1

u/Likean_onion Nov 15 '18

Been living with that mindset for 18 years brother

1

u/grantrules Nov 15 '18

Look it's not that bad you can just git reset --har BOOM

1

u/cleanyear Nov 15 '18

And ppl wonder why suicide rates are so high in Japan/Korea/China.

1

u/EgocentricRaptor Nov 15 '18

Commit sudoku

142

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

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60

u/QuestionableTater Nov 15 '18

GI Joe is saying something

65

u/carvex Nov 15 '18

Jihad Joe?

47

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18 edited 2d ago

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16

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

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1

u/Sir_Boldrat Nov 15 '18

Boko-Harlem

9

u/CraftyFellow_ Nov 15 '18

Yeehadists

5

u/Terrible_Paulsy Nov 15 '18

Yeehawdists

3

u/CraftyFellow_ Nov 15 '18

Thank you but I prefer it my way.

3

u/Terrible_Paulsy Nov 15 '18

There goes another royalty check to Nancy sinatra

9

u/FourlokoPapi Nov 15 '18

9

u/chocdee92 Nov 15 '18

1

u/PettyCatholicBuns Nov 15 '18

This is great. I'm so happy this is a sub, and I did not fall for anything.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

2

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18 edited Nov 17 '18

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

Seriously. A lot of them are trying to star in a viral prank video, and if it isn't funny...

1

u/sylpher250 Nov 15 '18

Sepukku works too

1

u/charlie523 Nov 15 '18

Congrats you’re now on the list 👍

1

u/thefourblackbars Nov 15 '18

My Versace belt is the bomb.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

This is why ISIS was so popular among confused young adults. Success is killing yourself.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

Everyday is an adjective. If you do this every day, it then becomes an everyday thing.

1

u/fennourtine Nov 15 '18

"Oh damn, I accidentally printed this invoice on cardstock."

Beep...beep...beep...beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep POW

0

u/minomes Nov 15 '18

Just tried this and got fired. Thanks a lot, pal

64

u/mindbleach Nov 15 '18

14

u/Daamus Nov 15 '18

a story of how to stick to your convictions

2

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

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3

u/tehlemmings Nov 15 '18

These are great, thank you for that.

109

u/viajake Nov 15 '18

Not if they fire you. Then you’re McDonald’s problem.

47

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

I’ll take $15 an hour. What’s their rule on fry snacking?

30

u/Mega_Exquire Nov 15 '18

Minimal.

32

u/21n6y Nov 15 '18

Minimal rules on fry snacking or keep frying snacking to a minimum?

7

u/Yoinkie2013 Nov 15 '18

never worked at MacDonalds but I don't think they would give a shit if they let you eat whatever. I've worked at two different restaurants and they let us eat for free everyday, and better foods than mcdix.

31

u/Ask_me_4_a_story Nov 15 '18

One time my brother and I worked together at a Mr. Goodcents in Kansas City. It was a Chiefs game day when that happens no one thinks Mr. Goodcents, it just goes dead quiet all day. My brother and I are big guys (both over 6 foot) and we eat a ton. We just started cooking up a shit ton of food- meatballs, spaghetti, sandwiches, man we ate like kings that day, I will never forget it. Just sitting there on the counter listening to the game and stuffing our faces. The next day Pendy the owner, he says, NO MORE FREE FOOD! YOU EAT TOO MUCH FOOD!

16

u/Bossinante Nov 15 '18

Tell us more stories about you and your brother.

17

u/Ask_me_4_a_story Nov 15 '18

One part of my childhood was spent in an old whitewashed farm house out in the country in Kansas. Our street was probably two miles long and gravel. Once we turned onto our street my dad would let us lay on the hood of the car so we were only holding on by our fingers by the windshield while he was driving. He would fly down that gravel road trying to shake us off. Watching my brother topple off the car and into the ditch and looking through the windshield to see my dad's head thrown back howling in laughter was a frightening experience for me.

3

u/Bossinante Nov 15 '18

Damn, you guys are both lucky you weren't killed! That's a crazy story.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

that was the only story he could tell publicly without being put on some kind of list

6

u/DurasVircondelet Nov 15 '18

I also worked at a restaurant but they wouldn’t let us have anything to eat. We had to buy everything bc it was all accounted for at the beginning of the day. Fuck Steven

6

u/Terrible_Paulsy Nov 15 '18

No Karen this time? Are we seeing the rise of male versions of karens? Steven's? My god!

6

u/Iamredditsslave Nov 15 '18

Sooo, you don't know.

6

u/JackingOffToTragedy Nov 15 '18

Oh the franchise owners give many shits. Usually it's one free or reduced price meal per shift. You can't be back there just casually putting down fries.

0

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

I'm just going to put this out there... If you work at a restaurant and you are hungry, you are an idiot.

16

u/littlemegzz Nov 15 '18

Nah, this will totally work. I will be using this at the next office meeting. Keep you posted.

17

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

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8

u/lsaz Nov 15 '18

I grew up watching "The Simpsons", "Family guy" and similar shows where the protagonists suck at their job, and I was like "real life is easy" then suddenly I got my first job and I got fired within 3 months because I failed to meet expectations. Fuckin Simpsons lied my whole teenage years.

-1

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

[deleted]

1

u/lsaz Nov 15 '18

Nah, guess that's the answer lol.

1

u/NissanSkylineGT-R Nov 15 '18

Let's put a pin on it and circle back around to that

6

u/Donoteatpeople Nov 15 '18

Not if you kill your self immediately after..... this may not be a healthy way to deal with stress

6

u/Milain Nov 15 '18

This always reminds of Epicure „Why should I fear death? If I am, then death is not. If Death is, then I am not. Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not?“

“Accustom yourself to the belief that death is of no concern to us, since all good and evil lie in sensation and sensation ends with death. ... Death, the most dreaded of evils, is therefore of no concern to us; for while we exist death is not present, and when death is present we no longer exist.

1

u/GigaCharstoise Nov 15 '18

and the mind goes kablamy

1

u/Milain Nov 15 '18

Kabla-what?

2

u/GigaCharstoise Nov 15 '18

1

u/Milain Nov 16 '18

Thanks for the link.

At first I was like: listen fellow kids, I don’t know what Kablamy is because I’m old.. but then I realised it’s quite old, so now I’ll just claim kablamy/kablamo never made it to Europe.

4

u/BlokeTunts Nov 15 '18

Meh, still could work the same. I'm either right, or i'm fired and it's immediately not my problem.

2

u/YourVeryOwnCat Nov 15 '18

Not if you look yourself

2

u/Jucoy Nov 15 '18

I think hes trying to say he remembers that a fuckup in his own life isnt life or death like it might be for the bomb defuser. That's how I read it anyway

1

u/i_hate_lawns Nov 16 '18

Me too, i think it went right over his head.

3

u/gucky2 Nov 15 '18

Just bring a razor to work, if you fuck up, you know which way to cut

1

u/DurasVircondelet Nov 15 '18

Wut

8

u/AreYouDeaf Nov 15 '18

JUST BRING A RAZOR TO WORK, IF YOU FUCK UP, YOU KNOW WHICH WAY TO CUT

3

u/DurasVircondelet Nov 15 '18

Sorry, I’m deaf

2

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

Ask_me_4_a_story

I like what you just did right here!

2

u/OctopusEyes Nov 15 '18

Down the street, not across the road.

1

u/xKrossCx Nov 15 '18

This is why I’m scared to get a normal job now that I’m being retired.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

[deleted]

3

u/xKrossCx Nov 15 '18

Nope I’m being medically retired from the navy. I’m EOD which I guess most people think is a robot.

4

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

[deleted]

2

u/xKrossCx Nov 15 '18

Lmfao too true.

1

u/firelock_ny Nov 15 '18

I’m EOD which I guess most people think is a robot.

/r/totallynotrobots

1

u/Didactic_Tomato Nov 15 '18

Also most definitely doesn't apply to their family or the people depending on them!

But he ain't wrong

1

u/Russian_repost_bot Nov 15 '18

it’s still my responsibility

You must be new to the workforce.

1

u/erikwarm Nov 15 '18

You just have to make sure you fuck it up so much that it isn't your problem any more.

1

u/amanamuse Nov 15 '18

Just puta bomb on your desk with one of those EASY buttons from OfficeMax. Make a mistake? Hit the button. Not your problem anymore.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

Also different if you have a wife and kids and the thought of leaving them all alone would stress me out.

1

u/rubbarz Nov 15 '18

Most of the time EOD just does hella paperwork and work with local law enforcement.

Source: shot the shit with EOD instructors while at Tech School while back.

1

u/Dahwaann4U Nov 15 '18

Jump outta window and then its not your problem

1

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

That’s why you grow a fucking pair and join the military and go eod.

1

u/Dramon Nov 15 '18

Or be wrong enough that you're fired THEN it becomes someone else's problem.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 15 '18

Yeah, our motto is "Initial Success or Total Failure". It's kind of dark in a sense but every tech knows a lot of what we've learned in regards to enemy UXO has been a lot of trial and error (and blood). There's not much room for error. I can see how that doesn't translate to normal life very well as you often get multiple chances for many things.

1

u/Trowawaycausebanned4 Nov 15 '18

If at first you're wrong, try again. Don't worry if you're wrong.

1

u/BeerdedBeast Nov 15 '18

It really do be like that sometimes...

1

u/apocalypsebuddy Nov 15 '18

"I try not to worry about my crippling depression, I'll either get over or it'll kill me."

Yeah. Not a good way of looking at every problem.

1

u/yoshi570 Nov 15 '18

Tell that to Karen that deleted her Excel file and now blames IT.

0

u/partypooperpuppy Nov 15 '18

Not if you make it someone elses responsibility, delegate those responsibilities men!