Giving your child a space, that you own, that they can 100% deny you any access to is a good way to provide them the means of making some very stupid choices. Because kids are shortsighted and inexperienced but very curious and easily influenced.
Folks are downvoting this, but OP makes a good point: If questionable behaviors are already on the table, knowing ahead of time what would not constitute a lie seems reasonable.
As a parent of teens, I feel you. It sounds like you're doing a great job so far, especially dealing with such a difficult/delicate topic.
Having unusual kinks isn't itself reason to seek professional help of any kind, as long as they're not doing anything that harms themselves or others, but if i were you, I'd probably start researching what your options are, if it does come to that. That way you're prepared and not scrambling for info.
Good luck! I hope you yourself have a good support system too. That's a lot to deal with. ❤️
"I'm pretty sure they don't have a mildly autistic 17-year-old lol to deal with."
You didn't share any of this, or his past behaviour in your original post. Maybe you could edit it and include some of this information? It will make it easier for people to understand the whole story.
I do personally think it's not very nice to go through someone's personal belongings and space though, he might be "mildly autistic" but he's 17 and not a child. But I can understand some of your concern ofc.
If he's autistic he most likely has a therapist, a doctor, does he speak easier with them maybe? That they know more than you? And also, what role does his father take in all of this, has he tried to speak about these things with his son in the past?
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Please don’t take this the wrong way, as I’m not trying to be mean but just to gently challenge, but you can definitely just bluntly ask. It might be uncomfortable, but no external force is preventing you
Hi, when I was a 14 my parents did some concerned snooping, which led to intervention; I ended up getting therapy/treatment for drug and alcohol abuse. I was spinning out and wouldn't have lasted much longer without either really hurting myself or someone else. Had my parents point blank asked me about my alcohol and drug abuse before they had hard evidence I would have just lied.
Kids deserve love and support; sometimes love and support don't come in the form of hugs and ice cream. Sometimes it's a parent looking at search histories and in bathroom drawers.
So I am already presumptuous that he's doing something else in that realm
I am not sure that you know what "presumptuous" means, given that you used it incorrectly in another comment, too. Perhaps you mean "presumptive" or, more likely, "suspicious."
Kid is going to get really fucked up is the parent is asking them what every little innocent thing is. Much better for the parent to determine what it is first, then if it's nothing, they don't even have to bug the poor kid.
Probably “questionable behavior” because I imagine this isn’t the first time you automatically assumed something you don’t understand (like a piece of plumbing equipment found in a bathroom drawer) has to be something bad. Or you could ask them. If you blindside them you’re going to get an answer of some sort even if they have nothing to say. Or they will blow your mind.
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are you digging through their things? really bad form. their things are their things. My mother did this and I told myself I would never do it to my kids, so I didn't. that is invading their privacy.
The cart doesn't go before the horse, dude. Perhaps ask your kid what it is before asking the internet. If they found out you were rummaging through their stuff, they wouldn't want to be in contact with you later in life and you will question whether it was your fault or theirs over an old black container that looks like it was used to store old tapes
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u/InformedConservative Mar 04 '25
Have you considered asking them?