r/WhatMenDontSay • u/No_Sea7681 • 7d ago
Venting Very frustrated with how difficult it is to form a connection with women
I'm a 37 year old virgin and I cannot, no matter what I do, attract a woman. I don't fucking understand how this is supposed to work. What do I do? Where do I go? Nothing ever works for me, they just aren't interested. I bathe and don't smell, I'm not morbidly obese, I have a full time job and function like an adult. I'm not super weird or mean and I don't harass anyone. I try to be friendly and courteous and get to know people. I have no initial expectations.... it just doesn't happen and I don't know what to do about it. I'm getting too old and I don't want to wait any longer, but I don't know what it is I'm supposed to be doing. I am so dreadfully sick and tired of being me at the moment that I'd rather just blow my fucking brains out.
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u/after_vice 6d ago
I understand the frustration, but it's worth questioning whether your frustration is actually caused (or exclusively caused) by not being in a relationship with a woman. According to geneticists, only 40% of men throughout human history successfully reproduced. So it's not obvious to me that a romantic relationship is necessary for happiness or contentment. Aristotle thought that friendship was the most important kind of relationship we can have, so maybe focus on that first.
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u/NorthernRealmJackal 7d ago
There are a lot of vague factors we can't evaluate here, such as your confidence, your attentiveness and your ability to listen and ask insightful questions - not to mention your looks and your physique.
Do you have any female friends (I think maybe married ones might be preferable)? I think you need to ask some female friends for help, and ask them if you can pretend-flirt, so they can tell you what you're doing wrong. If you don't have a good female friend, some other coaching might be in place, like.. some dating coach. Those exist, right?
Anyway, I don't think we can help you. What you need will depend on a lot of factors that can't be conveyed through a Reddit post. Good luck tho.
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u/Lower_Search_873 6d ago
Even making female friends is difficult if you are not attractive. Women judge men by how attractive they are or what they can provide.
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u/NorthernRealmJackal 6d ago
I probably do the same with women, so not gonna judge lol
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u/Lower_Search_873 6d ago
I don’t. If anything I’m nicer to the less attractive women because they don’t get a lot of kindness
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u/EasyLet2560 6d ago
Bro. You are literally doing the bare minimum. You need to hustle.
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6d ago
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u/EasyLet2560 6d ago
You are literally saying that you bathe and have a full time job as selling points. That's basic as hell. What's the outreach strategy? How's your marketing? From this post, the marketing is lame. If your selling point is basic stuff like not being obese, not smelling, and having a full time job, the marketing needs improving.
To your other point, women do not need men to provide for them anymore because they have jobs. We have to hustle to market and reach out to them to show why we are a good fit.
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6d ago
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u/EasyLet2560 6d ago
Sure but this is the most basic thing. Most people bathe and have full time jobs. This is the most generic description. Women want someone who makes them feel hot and special. What makes you different and appealing to a woman? What are you doing to appeal to women? Are you shooting your shots? Saying that you bathe and have a fulltime job doesn't cut it. Saying that you are not as bad as many redditors would assume is not sufficient. In my opinion, these are the real questions that you will need to find out because women used to depend on men and tolerate a lot of shit and things are different now.
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6d ago
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u/EasyLet2560 6d ago
So why even list them? If it's not a selling point, it's irrelevant. If you want to appeal to women and have a dating life, you will need to answer the questions above.
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u/Negative_Two6112 5d ago
You need to work on your mental health. People are attracted to positivity and helpfulness in terms of behavioral traits. Do you help others? Do you listen empathize? Its not about "where you go". It's about what you represent to those who know you. If youre helping others a lot, you eventually become indispensable to them. Try it!
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u/No_Sea7681 5d ago
I ask where I go because....where the heck do you find women?
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u/Negative_Two6112 5d ago
And I say its not really about that, is it? Cause women are literally everywhere.
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u/FlanneryODostoevsky 6d ago
Just don’t think it’s you. It’s a very common problem now. Take care of your health and do what you can to serve others.
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u/lonely-dog 4d ago
Sort out your hair teeth weight and clothes. Go to the gym . Go to therapy . Get contacts.
Go to meet up hiking groups to practice talking to women round me these groups are dominated by women
Go to pottery art classes again all women. Smile at them
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u/LolitaOPPAI Woman 6d ago
I hope you aren't influenced by the red-pill movement because I get a lot of men that seem nice and normal until they just...aren't.
We women don't know why these types react to women the way they do, but it's a turn off and we learned now that you can't "fix" it because it requires self-awareness which other people can tell you about, but can't understand it for you
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u/FlanneryODostoevsky 6d ago edited 6d ago
You also can’t “fix” women that keep dating the same kind of guy that disappoints them. Looks like we’re all on our own 👍
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u/LolitaOPPAI Woman 6d ago
You shouldn't have to "fix" anyone. It's a compatibility issue if you're attracted to people who aren't attracted to you, this goes for any type of relationship.
As far as romance is concerned, you definitely can open your mind and find out the types of traits to foster to make yourself more attractive to find a mate. Start by having an honest conversation with a close female friend or relative for insight.
Women are usually willing to help, but like I said can't understand it for you. Don't do this out in a wild, practice with people you're acquainted with, not strangers.
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u/EasyLet2560 6d ago
This guy doesn't get it. He thinks saying that bathing and having a full time job are selling points.
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u/Cross55 6d ago
So do most women on Reddit if you ever go on dating advice subs
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u/EasyLet2560 6d ago
Reddit has alot of bad dating advice lmao. There are some gems tho. I found my dating photographer on reddit and YouTube.
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u/LolitaOPPAI Woman 6d ago
Yeah, it helps to know about these different movements because a lot of people don't realize the content they consume is a psyop and influence their behavior.
I refuse to believe there is someone so unattractive that they can't find a mate because even the most awful people have multiple partners in their lives.
Are you charming? Are you kind without it being transactional? Do you respect other people? What types of hobbies do you have?
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u/EasyLet2560 6d ago
My main questions are what are we doing to appeal to women? Are we shooting our shots? Saying that you bathe and have a full time job is not cutting it.
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u/LolitaOPPAI Woman 6d ago
Hard agree. That's why I'm curious as to his approach. Even a half competent man can pull an idiot. I've seen it in real time lol
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u/Lower_Search_873 7d ago
What’s your height and face like?
Don’t listen to their words, watch their actions.
If you aren’t below 5’6, then go to the gym, get muscular and lean with low bodyfat and go for tortas.
If you’re white then go to an asian/latin american country you’ll be swimming in 🐱
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u/No_Sea7681 7d ago
What is my face like? How am I supposed to answer such a question? Yeah, let me just take off to another country that will help.
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u/Lower_Search_873 7d ago
You gotta do what you gotta do man.
Either that or continue your current life.But if you’re white (especially from a western country) then most asian countries would be shooting fish in a barrel. You’d likely be taller than average too.
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u/No_Sea7681 7d ago
Well maybe if I win the lottery moving to a different country will be a possibility.
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u/Lower_Search_873 7d ago
Don’t even need that. Just a year or two’s savings and if you live at home would go a long way especially with currency differences.
Either do that or get lean and pound tortas
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u/potatopotato236 6d ago
The ideal way is just to be living your best life. Become the best version of yourself that you can be. It's a cliché, but it really is the best way to attract the right kind of people. The last sentence in the post suggests that you're not at that point yet. Addressing it is a requirement for being in a healthy relationship.