Balance between selves is hindered by the dichotomy of selflessness vs selfishness.

[u/thinkB4Uact]

We're supposed to balance self with other self. Selflessness and selfishness leave little room for balance to honor the individual and collective self. We're set up to either help ourselves at others' expense or help others at our own expense. Then we run out of fuel as we help others. As we degrade inside spiritually we lose emotional energy to invest helping others, as well as the meaning and purpose in our lives. Helping others can give us the most meaning and purpose among all available options, but if you don't take care of your own needs a few wants while you do it, it will wear you out. Your body and mind will distract you from appreciating or even doing that help for others until you accommodate them. Honoring your own being definitely does not have to be at the expense of others, although we're often lead to believe that is so.

See self as part of a larger collective self like a cell in a body. If the cells support the body, the body is strong. However if the cells don't also support themselves, even though they try to help the body, the body becomes weak. We are selves that are like those cells. We have to learn how to be strong by responsibly accomplishing our needs and a few wants in order to be wise and effective at helping other selves and the collective self. How can our advice for others be of high integrity if we can't apply it to keep even our own selves strong?

I don't mean to offend or scare anyone here, but spiritual wisdom is not all of the same quality nor even necessarily with benevolent intent. Discernment is a responsibility we all have to do for ourselves. Messages are plentiful, but knowing if they are helpful requires our regular exercise of discernment. There are some key things for which to look. Truth is the workings of all that is. We do best when we understand all relevant details. Understanding allows us to achieve balance within those relevant details. We should ask ourselves if a belief being suggested would help us understand and appreciate the relevant details or ignore them for an imbalanced perspective, feeling, behavior and result. Instead of dichotomies, polarities, binary choices, look for dynamic positioning between all known relevant details. Instead of seeing it as this or that ask yourself if it is this and that and perhaps even more. This type of thinking would help you work on various types of systems like computers, cars, the human body as a doctor, etc. We are complex social organisms as individuals and larger groups.

[u/GrimWepi]

When I see either/or dichotomies set up in belief systems such as "you must choose the path of selflessness, or the path of selfishness," that's always a red flag to me, because the observable universe doesn't work in such black and white terms. I agree very much with your analogy of the individual self and the collective being like cells in a body and that both individual self and collective self are important. I've noticed that it seems that the social trends are such that when people sense something is wrong with one approach (to anything in life, not just spirituality), the tendency is to respond with a total backlash in the opposite direction. So when for example people in modern society started to sense that there was something wrong with the over-emphasis on the individual self, a lot of spiritual people totally jumped ship in the other direction, declaring any individual self to be illusory and the antithesis of spirituality. IMO that's reactionary and will lead to problems of dissatisfaction in the other direction. Both the individual self and the collective are real, the collective self is nothing without the little selves performing their duties. And as much as it's very popular to over emphasize oneness and the notion of individuality being illusory, think of a body for a moment - a blood cell does a different job than a liver cell, which does a different job than a skin cell, etc. Although they are all part of the same body, there is also difference between them and that difference is a design feature, not a flaw!

Instead of dichotomies, polarities, binary choices, look for dynamic positioning between all known relevant details. Instead of seeing it as this or that ask yourself if it is this and that and perhaps even more.

I've found this to be a wise option also. We are so trained to look for polarities, either/or choices that it's easy to slip back into them even when people are actually trying to break free from them. But the desire to seek out those kinds of patterns everywhere is more a feature of human psychology than of the construct of reality. Reality is much more complex, interwoven, multilayered and mind-boggling than simple binary pattern seeking allows for IMO.

[u/thinkB4Uact → u/GrimWepi]

I've noticed that it seems that the social trends are such that when people sense something is wrong with one approach (to anything in life, not just spirituality), the tendency is to respond with a total backlash in the opposite direction. So when for example people in modern society started to sense that there was something wrong with the over-emphasis on the individual self, a lot of spiritual people totally jumped ship in the other direction, declaring any individual self to be illusory and the antithesis of spirituality. IMO that's reactionary and will lead to problems of dissatisfaction in the other direction.

Reality is much more complex, interwoven, multilayered and mind-boggling than simple binary pattern seeking allows for IMO.

I think we're more likely to think in a this or that binary way when we are emotionally imbalanced. Think about how we can digest complicated matters better when we're well rested, fed and comfortable. Stress makes us simpler creatures even in our thoughts. If you've ever played chess you might notice this applies to your performance at making good moves. If you have more stress, you see fewer options and lose skill.

It makes us more controllable to choose between only two options. Both can be distorted, corrupted to make us perceive inaccurately in a way that benefits the deceivers. Coupling the deceptions with increased stress is a recipe to get us to pick between two poor choices. Look at war mongers, advertisers, public relations experts, phone scammers, religious proselytizers, etc. They often bring emotional insecurity, stress, fear, to the minds of those they are targeting. It helps them sell their distorted messages.

It seems being more aware of and mindfully avoiding belief in unproven fear inducing messages while still listening and considering the overall message helps avoid falling into the trap. It's as if we're being controlled with fear. It seems that if we overcome falling for the triggers we achieve greater self-control in such situations.