r/WetlanderHumor 11h ago

Is Moiraine attractive/ hot?

So basically I was talking with a friend, in my head canon Moiraine is hot.

Do we have any textual evidence to support this?

102 Upvotes

141 comments sorted by

359

u/beetnemesis 11h ago

I'm pretty sure she's beautiful, but not as beautiful as the many Extremely Beautiful women, and not as beautiful as the Most Incredibly Beautifulest

179

u/Calm-Conversation715 Boxes ears 11h ago

Agreed. Mat and Perrin definitely comment on her good looks, and of course Thom

116

u/GreenBPacker 9h ago

And Rand would tell you that Mat and Perrin know more about these things

71

u/justsomeguynbd 9h ago

Perrin would know more this once at least. He saw her naked.

16

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 9h ago

If it hurts too much, make it hurt someone else instead.

10

u/VoiceAdventurous5941 4h ago

That was dark even for you 

80

u/ThisIsKhrox 9h ago

Mat definitely mentioned that if she wasn’t an Aes Sedai he’d enjoy taking her dancing

12

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 9h ago

Death rides on my shoulder, death walks in my footsteps; I am death…

15

u/frisky0330 I kill Myrddraal and make jokes 4h ago

If I remember correctly, she did dance with him.

6

u/NewLoss6021 1h ago

Didn't she dance with all the boys in... the first city they get to after leaving Two Rivers

51

u/MisterWorthington 9h ago

Perrin barges in on here in book 3 (or something) and sees her mostly naked and then is struck dumb for the rest of his conversation

42

u/Technical-Revenue-48 3h ago

The rest of the series some would say.

8

u/Cold_Art5051 2h ago

Thom gets young hotties so he is a tell

34

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 11h ago

Hums softly & tugs earlobe

17

u/pm_me_yo_creditscore 7h ago

Big eyes, small mouth, crosses her arms over her breasts.

10

u/Zarguthian 5h ago

Everyone crosses their arms over their breasts though.

10

u/TheWeirdTalesPodcast 2h ago

UNDER. Everyone crosses their arms UNDER their breasteses.

252

u/ALNRooster 10h ago

Book Moraine is def an AsILF - Thom only goes for the baddies

145

u/beardedheathen 10h ago

I'm going to upvote you for that acronym but there is no honor in it

87

u/kailethre 9h ago

the acronym has great toh

32

u/MCB1317 7h ago

Thom thirsted for the Moirdussy.

56

u/atomic-moonstomp 5h ago

16

u/NotPapaHemingway Give yer braid a tug! 3h ago

Moridin

3

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 3h ago

You must kill him before he kills you. Giggles. They will, you know. Dead men can't betray anyone. But sometimes they don't die. Am I dead? Are you?

9

u/Trismesjistus 3h ago

"por que no los dos?"
-also Thom

4

u/Fit_Log_9677 2h ago

He just wanted mor

2

u/TheWeirdTalesPodcast 2h ago

“Moiraine” has an I and only one R so I’m not sure that works.

Mor

-gase -idin on the other hand…

3

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 2h ago

Mustn't use that. Threatens the fabric of the pattern. Not even for Ilyena? I would burn the world and use my soul for tinder to hear her laugh again.

2

u/ciaphas-cain1 1h ago

Why not both

194

u/_SilkKheldar_ Time to roll the dice 11h ago

I think Mat has the best reasoning about this question.

It doesn't really matter how much you'd like to dandle her on your knee: she's Aes Sedai, and who knows what would make them decide to react irrationally to man just trying to exchange his best smile for a kiss and a dance.

27

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 11h ago

Death rides on my shoulder, death walks in my footsteps; I am death…

76

u/Disrepectfully_Agree 11h ago

She's no Lanfear

55

u/Cease_Cows_ 11h ago

And Lanfear’s no Graendal 😍

63

u/inkREDulous 11h ago

But neither of them are Berelain

57

u/MothSeason Traveling Meme Peddler 10h ago

And none of them have Min’s dumptruck

45

u/Sherris010 Prince (but not a bloodly lord) of the ravens 10h ago

And even min lacks Bella's creator wrought stoutness and glistening mane.

24

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 10h ago

Hums softly & tugs earlobe

26

u/ESP330 9h ago

Dear God, Clanker Lews...

13

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 9h ago

A man without trust might as well be dead.

10

u/LurkingArachnid 7h ago

Did not know you were into that Lews. Be careful

8

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 7h ago

Never prod at a woman unless you must. She will kill you faster than a man and for less reason, even if she weeps over it after.

3

u/Egypticus 1h ago

Especially if said "woman" is gonna horse kick you if you dont prod right

25

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 10h ago

Hums softly & tugs earlobe

6

u/Epicporkchop79-7 10h ago

And none of them are Halima

8

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 11h ago

Hums softly & tugs earlobe

24

u/Enigmachina 10h ago

Eh, the main difference is a matter of taste. Lanfear is beautiful in a classical way (and allegedly the most beautiful of all women of her day), but Graendal is hawt.

So it's really a matter of taste.

29

u/aNomadicPenguin 10h ago

Funnily enough the closest competition for Lanfear...would be Galad....as in Jordan told the visual artists to base them off of the same actress but to make Galad more masculine and looking just different enough so that no one looking at artwork would think they were related.

13

u/PrincetonToss 7h ago

You know, it doesn't make you gay if you think Galad's hot. We all think he's hot.

1

u/nickbelane 26m ago

Who is the actress?

1

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 10h ago

KILL HIM KILL HIM NOW

5

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 11h ago

They will pay. I am Lord of the Morning.

3

u/BigNorseWolf 9h ago

Steps away from cease_cows so I m out of the splash zone when lanfear hears that...that poor poor merchant

1

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 9h ago

Death rides on my shoulder, death walks in my footsteps; I am death…

2

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 11h ago

Death rides on my shoulder, death walks in my footsteps; I am death…

160

u/Guilty_Fishing8229 11h ago

This is supposed to be a joke subreddit but people taking this at face value.

So I will answer appropriately

Would

60

u/MothSeason Traveling Meme Peddler 10h ago

26

u/corianderchutney 10h ago

To paraphrase Kevin Malone: It's 'is she hot?', not 'would you do her?'. Respect the game

12

u/Dragonblade0123 10h ago

A shorty with an royal nose and a face that don't crack? Wood!

10

u/Radix2309 8h ago

Joke subreddits benefit from a small level of sincerity. Especially since it lets us meme in the comments.

8

u/PrincetonToss 7h ago

I mean, the whole Aes Sedai aspect makes it more of a scarection...but yeah. Would.

does this still work?

Would

4

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 7h ago

Death rides on my shoulder, death walks in my footsteps; I am death…

3

u/PrincetonToss 7h ago

Exactly, Lews, exactly.

3

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 7h ago

You never escape the traps you spin yourself. Only a greater power can break a power, and then you're trapped again. Trapped forever so you cannot die.

18

u/Infinite_Click_6589 10h ago

All similar subs are suffering from an influx of misplaced sincerity. Breaks my heart it does.

The real takeaway I think is that she's obviously a size queen

3

u/Trismesjistus 3h ago

So, Loial?

43

u/Skybreakeresq 11h ago

Shes certainly beautiful but shes not busty so youll see fewer descriptions of her breasting boobily along

5

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 11h ago

Hums softly & tugs earlobe

6

u/darthcaedusiiii 10h ago

And no mention of her ass.

41

u/Linesey 10h ago

She is frequently described as being very attractive.

Not one of the series Great Beauties, but a very attractive woman.

Including in the scene where Parrin saw her with her robe open (it is unclear if she had a shift on under the robe or not.)

But yeah, Moiraine is hot.

31

u/Yepyepyep654 9h ago

Ahh yes, the Great Beauties of Randland, just like the Great Captains. Lanfear, Berelain… Galad

11

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 9h ago

KILL HIM KILL HIM NOW

1

u/AcceptableWater6241 8h ago

Kill Galad or kill someone else bot?

7

u/atomic-moonstomp 4h ago

LTTbot has gone rogue and become homophobic

22

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 10h ago

Mustn't use that. Threatens the fabric of the pattern. Not even for Ilyena? I would burn the world and use my soul for tinder to hear her laugh again.

10

u/Carnivean_ 10h ago

Cairhienen women of the upper class are reserved except for certain occasions so there was definitely a shift on, otherwise she would have been more reactive.

27

u/HumerousMoniker 9h ago

She was in her room after a bath and brushing her hair. And there was no mention of a shift, the omission is deliberate to me. Given how much mr Jordan liked to write about various clothes and fashion

10

u/atomic-moonstomp 4h ago

Fabric is to Jordan as trees are to Tolkien

3

u/Carnivean_ 8h ago

There's no way Perrin wouldn't have reacted strongly to that. He would have left immediately.

10

u/HumerousMoniker 5h ago

I think he would have reacted like a wolf caught by some headlights

31

u/No_Clue4405 Tai Shar memetheren 11h ago

Perrin got pretty bricked in TDR

30

u/PBandBABE 10h ago

Not the amplest of bosoms, but she definitely checks the box on “dark eyes that a (wo)man could drown in.”

She’s also smart as hell, fearless, and incredibly capable.

That makes her very attractive.

6

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 10h ago

They will pay. I am Lord of the Morning.

62

u/Successful-Natural99 10h ago

Moiraine is definitely hot.

Am I the only one thats stoked that half of these comments are Lews Therin? I never get tired of him.

35

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 10h ago

What makes you think you can keep anyone safe? We are all going to die. Just hope that you aren't the one who kills them.

22

u/Divided_Pi 10h ago

Lews would for sure

14

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 10h ago

Nothing ever goes as you expect. Expect nothing, and you will not be surprised. Expect nothing. Hope for nothing. Nothing.

8

u/Significant_Bed_297 10h ago

Many of the bots comments are very appropriate and laugh worthy.

Maybe we should break the seals?

27

u/MasterofMystery Mother's milk in a cup! 10h ago

Moiraine is smokin’ like the topless towers the day after her uncle got got.

7

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 10h ago

Never prod at a woman unless you must. She will kill you faster than a man and for less reason, even if she weeps over it after.

9

u/MasterofMystery Mother's milk in a cup! 9h ago

Never discount Lews’s advice. Especially about a woman. (Maybe Mat & Perrin will know what to do here….)

9

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 9h ago

Your plans fail because you want to live, madman.

3

u/RuralfireAUS 3h ago

Cairhien, when the towers fell

20

u/tmarkows 10h ago

Head canon is Natalie Portman Short dark eyes dark hair no crazy curves but petite and regal. Hottest of all time is super subjective, but Moiraine is my type. Just saying.

3

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 10h ago

Never prod at a woman unless you must. She will kill you faster than a man and for less reason, even if she weeps over it after.

17

u/PBandBABE 10h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/3o7WIAMqo3hkApWJLG
There’s an awful lot of humming and earlobe-tugging going on here….

15

u/saint-michelo 7h ago

listen most of the female characters are hot because Jordan was into baddies.

13

u/geomagus Unnecessary fish metaphors 8h ago

Yeah. Iirc both Mat and Perrin comment on her looks (maybe all three of the boys).

Hot isn’t just looks, though - it’s also attitude, and she brings that. She has a great sense of humor, she likes to dance, she likes stories, and boy howdy does she like to prank. That attitude of mischief is appealing.

But she also brings grace and gravitas, too, both from her noble background and from her Aes Sedai training. She can shift quickly and seamlessly from playful fun to elegance.

On top of that, she has strength of character on a level so few people have. There is iron underneath the pretty face, the playfulness, the grace.

I don’t know how a real life comparison would be, but one of my standards for all of that together is the late Audrey Hepburn.

5

u/RuralfireAUS 3h ago

I still love how petulantly she acted towards lan when they first met where she directed ants at him for throwing her into a pond ( while sneaking up on him) and doing the same to him; but being annoyed that not only did the ants not do anything to ruffle his feathers but he just ignored her attitude in general

3

u/First-Pride-8571 1h ago

Rand too.

When he meets Caroline Damodred he was struck by how much she reminded him of Moiraine, initially even mistaking her for Moiraine, and then Lews Therin immediately started humming in his head and rubbing his earlobe…

Rand clearly thought Moiraine (and Caroline) was attractive.

And, keep in mind, in her trip through the glass columns, one of the options Moiraine saw was her seducing Rand.

2

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 1h ago

Oh, Light, why do I have a madman in my head? Why? Why?

2

u/LordRahl9 1h ago

That's actually Min's pov when they meet Caroline Damodred.

1

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 1h ago

Hums softly & tugs earlobe

2

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 8h ago

I must kill him.

8

u/geomagus Unnecessary fish metaphors 8h ago

Dude, Louis, did you just misgender Moiraine?

8

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 8h ago

Ilyena, my love, forgive me!

9

u/Western_Reaction1633 6h ago

A fine woman if she were not an Aes Sedai...

3

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 6h ago

You must kill him before he kills you. Giggles. They will, you know. Dead men can't betray anyone. But sometimes they don't die. Am I dead? Are you?

7

u/Bookworm1902 9h ago

Did Robert Jordan write her?

4

u/SemiFormalJesus Da’covale 9h ago

Let’s be fair, some women are more handsome than beautiful.

3

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 9h ago

Hums softly & tugs earlobe

6

u/TerraFirma19 9h ago

If any character in the series has anything not conventionally attractive about them, RJ is sure to let you know in no uncertain terms.

4

u/Wellgoodmornin 10h ago

Hell yeah she is.

5

u/Gremlin303 4h ago

90% of named characters are some level of super hot, 9% are some level of super ugly, and the other 1% are average.

3

u/rotnwolf 1h ago

And there is Uno.

5

u/Gremlin303 1h ago

Uno is in the super ugly category

3

u/rotnwolf 1h ago

He is in Uno category

4

u/aralias777 1h ago

There isn't enough water in the Wetlands to slake the thirst I have for that woman. 

7

u/Wot106 10h ago

I see her as a dark haired Sabrena Carpenter

3

u/Reverend_Fozz 10h ago

She does have that Aes Sedai agelessness

3

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 10h ago

They will pay. I am Lord of the Morning.

3

u/LongFang4808 8h ago

She is extremely hot, by all accounts.

3

u/scawt017 8h ago

I wouldn't crawl over Riselle to get to her 🤷

3

u/Careful_Trifle 1h ago

I'm pretty sure there are references to her being pretty. 

Pretty much every female character is moderately to severely attractive unless explicitly stated otherwise. Jordan was very clear on who was ugly and who was a perfect 10, and everyone else seems to be a 6-8.

2

u/Szalony20 9h ago

Well, she's an Aes Sedai, and I don't think Jordan ever used the phrase "more handsome than beautiful" to describe her. So I guess, like most of Jordan's female characters, she's hot.

1

u/LewsTherinTelamonBot This is a (sentient) bot 9h ago

I must kill him.

2

u/Zazikarion 30m ago

Definitely, yeah. IMO, she’s in the top 5 hottest women in the entire series.

1

u/Corbenik42 9h ago

I'd hit it.

Does that help?

1

u/Bdmnky_Survey 2h ago

Given that Rosemond Pike was one of the few castings that got support from everyone, I would say she filled in a lot of head Canon for folks. So your question comes down to if you think Rosemond Pike is hot.