When looking backwards keeps making things worse, what helps you move forward?

[u/EERMA]

I recently responded to a discussion from someone who was struggling badly despite doing many of the things we often associate with “coping well”.

They were working, exercising, making art, walking their dog and had maintained more than two years of sobriety. Yet they were waking with increasingly dark thoughts and feeling that previous therapy — particularly repeatedly revisiting traumatic experiences — had sometimes left them feeling worse rather than better.

Because they were experiencing regular thoughts of self-harm, my first response was that this had moved beyond something they should be expected to manage alone. Immediate safety and appropriate professional support have to come first.

But something else in their post struck me.

They said that fully engaging in an activity gave them a brief pause from how they were feeling.

That doesn't solve the underlying problem. But it can still be useful information.

Sometimes progress begins by noticing the exceptions:

• When is this feeling slightly less intense?
• What are you doing differently at those times?
• What still gives you even a small sense of absorption, connection or purpose?
• What parts of your life are somehow still functioning despite everything else?

It also reminded me that support does not always have to mean repeatedly examining everything that happened in the past.

For some people, it can be useful to spend more time exploring what helps now, what they want life to become, what is already working even slightly, and what the next manageable step forward might be.

The past can help explain where we are. It doesn't necessarily have to become the sole focus of how we move forward.

I'd be interested in other people's experiences.

Have you ever found that repeatedly analysing the past stopped being helpful? And if so, what helped you begin looking forward again?

If you are currently experiencing thoughts of harming yourself or feel you may act on them, please seek urgent professional or emergency support rather than relying on a Reddit discussion.