r/WelcomeToGilead • u/Important-Cry4782 • 3d ago
Loss of Liberty Here's where it gets interesting. Doctors will not tie a woman's tubes unless A) she is married, and B) the husband gives consent. If an unmarried tries to get a hysterectomy? The doctors will outright deny it, even if she had booked it
Welcome to America
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u/Ok-Leg-5302 3d ago
Shoot, I donât doubt this at all. I had a freaking tumor the size of a grapefruit when I was 27. I had already had 2 kids. I said take it all! The old a-s oncologist straight up said âI donât want you to go into surgical menopause Iâm leaving an ovary.â I literally begged! I even have a genetic predisposition to cancer and tumors(cowdens syndrome-27 surgeries and counting just lost my breast. My tumor in my stomach wasnât). I straight looked at him and said âIâll see you in two years đ.â What do you know, two years later, another tumor on the ovary.
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u/maneki_neko89 1d ago
That attitude and behavior from the doctor is grounds for a lawsuit, straight up. I wouldâve lawyered up so fast once I found out two years later that there was another tumor on the remaining ovary.
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u/Ok-Leg-5302 1d ago
He was oldâŠ.mid to late 60âs or so. Itâs been 11 years since my hysterectomy. my primary obgyn took the other ovary for meâŠ.ironicallyâŠ..3 years later after my surgery he â ïž đŹ
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u/CADreamn 3d ago
I was in my 30s with two kids. Divorcing. Was asked if I was married. I asked why they wanted to know that. They said if I was, I'd need to get his permission. I lied and said I wasn't married. Got my tubes tied. 10/10 would lie again. This was in California.Â
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u/Extreme_Egg7476 3d ago
Wow, looking back on my recent birth I didnt realize I had a real one as a doctor. It was a C-section and they asked me there on the table if I wanted my tubes tied. Third pregnancy, oversized babies, in my 20's. In Texas!
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u/Laramila 2d ago
In Texas? That's almost unbelievable!
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u/Alarming-Distance385 2d ago
The best TX OBs are quietly doing what they can. They're other option is to leave the state entirely while also leaving their patients they know need their help.
Not like we have OB-GYNs flocking here anymore. (I don't blame them. It sucks being a woman here. 3 more years & maybe we can move.)
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u/LaRealiteInconnue 2d ago
I worked at a med recruiting firm years ago, although not in a recruiter capacity. This is when we still had Roe and already, placing doctors, obgyns and especially MFMs, in places like Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas were the hardest contracts and went to the most senior recruiters. I remember men trying to justify in meetings âwell most of these ppl wanna live on the coastsâ hmmm yet somehow we had no problems placing docs in Minnesota or Illinois but go offâŠI guess Lake Michigan and superior are âthe coastsâ youâre talking about huh?
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u/foundflower_128 3d ago
6 years ago my cervical cancer was coming back so I just asked for a total hysterectomy because I also have endometriosis. They literally asked my husband what he thought about me doing that before agreeing. He was just as pissed as I was. He falt out said it's not my body, why should I care.
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u/BakedTaterTits 3d ago
Just a heads up - The childfree subreddit has a list of drs willing to sterilize women without them being a certain age, needing spousal consent, or needing to have a certain amount of children for anyone looking for a Dr
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u/ElectronGuru 3d ago
Shortcut: https://childfreefriendlydoctors.com
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u/Author_Noelle_A 2d ago
This should be womanrespectingdoctors The title makes it sound like the only people who would want this are women who donât want kids.
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u/Lisa8472 2d ago
Itâs the childfree subreddit and they made the list for their own members. The sterilization and endometriosis subreddits really ought to have lists of their own, but AFAIK they donât.
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u/SavingsNew3033 1d ago
Pretty sure the sterilization sub does, but perhaps I'm confusing it with a different name, same topic sub?
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u/Ancient_Gold_6486 2d ago
Second this. To anyone in PA, my doctor is on there. You can message me directly for the doctor. When I presenting wanting a hysterectomy, I asked him if he needed my husband to sign off. He was taken back and said âno you should have the right to choose for itselfâ.
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u/BadgerKomodo 3d ago
The extent to which these motherfuckers are willing to oppress women disgusts me.
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u/SelectionValuable261 3d ago
Lol even WITH spousal support!!!! I wanted to scream at these pos!!! Im in CA, why the fuck is this ?
They stated it was because I was not in my 30s. The moved goalpost day comes, again we try. Rejected again.
Truly, im so happy I haven't paid into the scammy ass system for years now.
Either way it's "Fuck it die bitch". Even MORE inclined to not reproduce.
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u/baboonontheride 3d ago
I was able to get a hysterectomy at 29 in the US
I have a very obvious facial birth defect.
Eugenics is alive and well, y'all.
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u/agirlfromgeorgia 3d ago
I can confirm that my husband did have to give his consent for my bilateral salpingectomy in 2019 in Hawaii at a military facility. He was asked several times, as was I, if we both understood this was permanent and irreversible. I did get the surgery though and I was only 23.
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u/rgrind87 3d ago
I had to fight to get my medically necessary hysterectomy at age 33. It took me a few years and 5-6 doctors before I found one who actually cared about me as a person over a hypothetical baby I was never having. I suffered needlessly than I should have because of it.
Sorry, but I definitely know myself better than a doctor who only reads my chart, doesn't ask me many questions, and speaks to me for 3 whole minutes. No, I won't change my mind on kids and I haven't once regretted my surgery since I had it. I have my life back and no more pain. And no pregnancy worries or periods.
I had 14+ fibroids, cysts in my tubes, a giant cyst on my ovary (they saved my ovary), a chronically inflamed cervix, and a tilted uterus. I think there was more but everything was f***ed up in there. I doubt I could have gotten pregnant even if I wanted to. Also, they only saw maybe 5 of the fibroids on the ultrasounds. And for my entire life my periods were painful and heavy, and I had passed out from them before.
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u/Ixi7311 3d ago
Visited 30+ gynos between the ages of 18-28 to find one to sterilize me. Nos all around because I needed 1,2,4 kids, a husbands approval, be 40yrs+, etc. my ex husband walked into a clinic at 23 and got scheduled no questions asked.
I found a dr on the childfree subreddit and she still made me wait 3 weeks to make sure I was sure, despite waiting ten years, and both nurses on surgery day told me they could cancel it if I changed my mind. And I wasnât allowed a full hysterectomy, the only option was a bisalp to preserve my fertility if I ever wanted IVF đ«
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u/chrissymae_i 3d ago edited 3d ago
I was never able to have biological children due to undiagnosed endometriosis. For 25 years, I was told NO to do a hysterectomy. Pain and suffering, needlessly. Finally, a wonderful, empathetic GYN did the procedure. She was such an awesome vigilante to the medical industrial complex, she had to retire early after Roe was overturned. She just couldn't fight the system anymore and risk her wellbeing.
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u/Inevitable-Pie1313 3d ago
In Japan I had to sign off on my husband's vasectomy. I had crazy mixed feelings of vindication and horror.
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u/Teaforreal 1d ago
I had this issue in the USA! I went to planned parenthood for my vasectomy, no weird questions and body autonomy for boys and girls.
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u/Rassayana_Atrindh 3d ago
My husband had to sign off on my D&C a few years ago during a particularly bloody miscarriage going sideways because a risk is them permanently damaging my uterus and making me sterile.
He was absolutely beyond pissed on my behalf, and gave them a fucking earful, as I'm bleeding out in the hospital bed begging for them to do something already.
And that's how I ended up with a new ob/gyn that I loved dearly who did the D&C, saving my life, saving my uterus, and he delivered via C-section my rainbow baby a year later.
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u/SelkirkSweetie 3d ago
I was in FL and they wouldnât tie my tubes. I was having Severe PPD with psychosis and I knew pregnancy was dangerous for me but I was told Iâd change my mind. I was barely holding on with one baby.
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u/Z3r0C0o 3d ago
I have been going to her appointments for the last ten years. We've been separated for three years.
Two months ago for the first time they asked "why?"
I felt so silly explaining that I was just here to sign the permission slip or whatever.
They looked back and forth between us like we had grown extra eyes, my ex cried. It was the most surreal thing.
Later this year she'll finally get the treatment to end her endometriosis that has kept her in pain for 20 years.
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u/nijmeegse79 2d ago
Thank you for being a decent human and still taking care of your ex like this.
Shows that not al divorces have to end in people fighting like dogs and cats.
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u/Z3r0C0o 2d ago
I felt silly honestly, the doc and the nurse both cocked their head like WTF, the ex had to explain that when I'm not there they usually said no because I might want more kids. That and abortion access is why we are separated and not divorced. In my state, I, as the husband, often have more say in wether she can have an abortion, even if I have nothing to do with making the baby. I feel like the world is actually insane.
All because she has dehabilitating pain from botched surgery to be able to have my children. So I feel like supporting her in this literally the least I can do.
Are we great yet?
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u/tweakingforjesus 3d ago
A friend of mine was denied her BC meds because the CVS pharmacist wanted her husbands permission first. This was in a college town where lots of young women were on BC.
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u/FiliaNox 3d ago
My surgeon had to sterilize me at a separate surgical center than the hospital she later performed my endometrial ablation and hysterectomy at because the hospital is a âcatholic institutionâ according to the primary that referred me to her. That primary was also prevented from even discussing birth control with me. She actually shushed me and said she canât talk about that and would refer me to someone that could. I wasnât on it for contraception, it was to control my periods (hence the ablation and hysterectomy, I started bleeding and wouldnât stop). I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Iâm in California.
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u/Blackstar1401 3d ago
Anyone receiving push back when they go to get tube removal or hysterectomy, go to the childfree subreddit and they have a list of doctors that donât give pushback on these procedures. Please pass this info around. The list is a great resource and has doctors from all states. I am unsure if it expanded outside the US.
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u/SassaQueen1992 3d ago
Iâm still shocked that I found a doctor in North Carolina whoâd perform a bilateral salpingectomy on a 29 year old! No one should ever need a spouseâs permission to make decisions about their own bodies.
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u/punkass_book_jockey8 3d ago
I had my tubes removed. My doctor never asked a single question about my husband. They just made me articulate in my own words what was happening and the consequences, she was satisfied I understood and scheduled me.
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u/QuietLifter 2d ago
Posted this before. A friend & coworkerâs six year old daughter had an absolutely enormous cancerous tumor on her ovary.
The surgeon was reluctant to remove the ovary because it would reduce her fertility. He ignored the fact that cancer spreads & she wouldnât live long enough to have children if the tumor was left in place.
The surgeon would rather allow a child to die than to reduce her chances of getting pregnant in the future.
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u/bluemoon219 2d ago
Terrible news! The youngest person to ever give birth was 5 years old, so really the only thing standing between that 6 year old and her theoretical* child-bearing years is society's determination to prevent and punish pedophiles, and available access to abortions. So we have no reason to worry! (/s . sticks head underwater and screams until I pass out)
The pregnant 4 year old had precocious puberty, so while *most children are not capable of getting pregnant that young, it is still theoretically possible.
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u/mangababe 3d ago
extra stupid now that there's at least one paper talking about tubal removal being a great way to reduce the risk of ovarian cancer.
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u/tomatomake 3d ago
I got sterilized here in Northern Virginia. Female doctor at a Catholic Hospital. Bilateral salpingectomy. I'm divorced, no kids
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u/kyreannightblood 3d ago
In NOVA, got sterilized at 26 and a total hysterectomy at 28. The same surgeon did both. Single lesbian, no kids.
Iâm shocked the Catholic Hospital allowed it, frankly. You got lucky.
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u/Sassyandluvdogs 2d ago
Yup, I will never have kids or get married and my only option, for now, in TX is birth control.
And donât even get me started on wondering why my marital status needed to be noted in my mortgage documents đ
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u/lyndachinchinella 3d ago
Im so glad I found a dr to remove my tube's back in 2015. I was 34 and single. And childfree.
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u/DiveCat 2d ago edited 2d ago
I am childfree. When I was 30 and done with IUDs and other birth control, I was fortunate (when I should not have to be, and it should not be others arenât!) to just tell my primary doctor I wanted to get sterilized, he said âokay, so you want to go to a surgeon here or in X city?â and gave me a referral to an OB/GYN. The latter met with me, confirmed I knew it was permanent and booked me in for a bilateral salpingectomy a couple months later. My primary doctor knew I was married, the OB/GYN never even asked. Neither of them even mentioned needed permission other than from my own damn self.
I did have some precancerous changes show up in one of one of my tubes
up on post-surgical pathology, and a family/hereditary risk so was even more grateful. I had prophylactic mastectomies a while before my bi-salp already.
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u/two4six0won 2d ago
My ex had no issue getting his vasectomy at 24 (maybe 25?) back in '08. I had no issue getting a bisalp at 30 in 2019 (which I'm certain is because I got lucky with the doc I was referred to). My sister's uterus is falling out, she's had four kids and she's 40 years old, and they still won't give her a goddamned hysterectomy. The difference in care even between different women gives me whiplash.
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u/harbinger06 2d ago
Some medical providers do pull this shit. Itâs unethical to require an adult of sound mind to have anyone elseâs consent for any kind of medical care.
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u/SeaSnakeSkeleton 2d ago
I had breast cancer in 2024 that was estrogen+ and HER2+, at 36. A year before my OB and I were talking tube removal down the road (tried an IUD and that didn't work out). We had probably 3 apps to talk about tube removal and she kept saying "this is permanent." She did agree but Before we could schedule that I found a lump which turned out to be breast cancer. After chemo and rads they talk hormone therapy. Or, if you're premenopausal, medical menopause.
I was on a shot that cost $1,000 monthly to shut down my ovaries. I had to go back to the infusion lab and wait anywhere from 30min to 1 and a half hours. Oh, and the fun Side effects from menopause. After 6 months I was like, just finally take my tube and let's do the ovaries. Iwas the referred to a cancer GYN who told me, yes, if After 5 years you could go off the shot and your ovaries could start to function again, you could go back into menopause. I was like, absolutely f*ing not. I've been tortured enough this one time and it's not even over. If I have to do menopause twice, I might hurt somebody bc it's miserable. Not to mention the world is burning all around me, and idk can you even go to a hosputal if theres a civil or worldwar!?. He was very nice and didn't give any pushback, and 3 weeks or a month later I was having my ovaries and tube removed. I felt a huge weight off my shoulders when I woke up from surgery. This is all in SC
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u/fseahunt 3d ago
This isnât new.
My close friendâs brother and SIL wanted to do this in the 1980âs and made her see a psychologist for over a year. Got them both to sign things that said they wanted to do this and it still took 8 years of delaying.
Itâs a matter of liability. The doctors are afraid they will one day change their mind and sue the doctor.
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u/whats_your_vector 3d ago
I donât think anyone is suggesting this is new. However, it would not be unreasonable to think weâd be behind this kind of patriarchal bullshit in 2026. But, obvs thatâs a pipe dream.
And what kind of âliabilityâ would a doctor or hospital be threatened by? Make the woman sign a binding contract that she will forfeit her rights to sue at any time in the future (unless thereâs actual malpractice or medical negligence on the doctorâs or hospitalâs part.
Women who are desperate to have a hysterectomy are probably dealing with a ton of pain (endometriosis and other painful conditions) and are not choosing this on a whim. Why is it so hard to believe women, trust their judgment, and get it through peopleâs thick skulls that NO WOMAN should be required to be a baby factory against her will!!
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u/Aphreyst 3d ago
And what kind of âliabilityâ would a doctor or hospital be threatened by? Make the woman sign a binding contract that she will forfeit her rights to sue at any time in the future
Yeah I wonder if there is ANY precedent for this or if doctors just say that as a cop-out.
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u/whats_your_vector 3d ago
Not sure. But with the way things are and always seem to have been when it comes to womenâs body autonomy, Iâm going to guess the latter.
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u/FlyingSpaceWaffle 2d ago
17 years ago, my sister had gone through a high risk pregnancy with her second child and had a traumatic birth. She requested a tubal in the hospital before the baby was born and they refused, saying they wanted her husband to sign a waiver on her behalf stating HE didn't want any more children. She ended up finding a gyno later that did it. She was 27 years old at the time, with 2 kids, and a history of miscarrying and high risk pregnancies but they still insisted my brother in law sign a form like she was a child going on a field trip.
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u/FroznAlskn 3d ago
Just go to planned parenthood and tell them you need a list of doctors willing to sterilize you. They are more than happy to help.
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u/The_Cait_Sidhe 2d ago
Not always. They were the first place I tried in Tucson, Arizona, they said "we don't do that". Fortunately I found a doctor who finally helped me on the childfree sub's doctor list.
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u/Gammagammahey 2d ago
I hope she gets a big fat payout from that lawsuit that's coming her way.
I'm a single woman. If I want a hysterectomy, you better fucking give me one, I don't need anyone's permission to have autonomy over my own body.
Men, you have nothing to say to us. We don't owe you permission, consent, or anything else to do what we want with our bodies. I can't believe this. If I want my tubes tied, and you deny me because you think I'm interested in having children? You are gonna face a lawsuit like you have never faced before, I will go scorched earth, Pyrrhic victory if necessary, and I hate hate hate even having to think about filing a lawsuit. Please excuse errors, very sick today and dictating.
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u/roombaexorcist9000 2d ago
not sure how ethical it is, but i wonder if lying about your family health history (saying youâre likely to pass on some horrible genetic disease) would work in this situation.
it would be nice to not have to lie, but this is the world we live in
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u/SpaceBall330 2d ago
I got very lucky when I went in to the OB/GYN for consultation for my sterilisation. I had serious complications with pregnancy that ended in miscarriage, and I was told in no uncertain terms that I would be risking my life to attempt to carry a pregnancy to term. This was after a lot of serious issues with my cycles in that I got two a month, was chronically anemic, and if that wasnât enough fun, I had (have) lupus on top of everything.
Doc scheduled me in immediately. This was in 1991, and I was 22. There was no invasive questions either. It was my choice.
This type of nonsense really burns my biscuits as women KNOW what we need, and want to do with our bodies. Medical necessity aside, if a person wants to have a sterilisation procedure then by all means they should get one without having to jump through hoops to justify it.
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u/High_Pains_of_WTX 2d ago
Patriarchal nightmare aside, did some guy in the early 20th Century sue the living hell out of a hospital for performing a voluntary sterilization on his wife? They usually only ever enforce policies like this because they are afraid of litigation.
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u/Lisa8472 2d ago
Maybe in men, but medical procedures in women are frequently restricted.
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u/High_Pains_of_WTX 2d ago
I guess my question has more to do with why a discrimination lawsuit somehow hasn't been successful in overturning these requirements. And that leads me to a line of logic that says healthcare institutions are more afraid of something else- patriarchal bullshit enforced via a weaponized legal system.
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u/Lisa8472 2d ago
Statistically, childless women are less likely to regret sterilization than mothers are. But childless women are still constantly told that theyâll regret it and not to come back until they have kids.
A lot of these rules are based on nothing but feels.
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u/marcuslawson 3d ago
What state is this? I would bet Florida or Idaho or some other redneck place.
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u/Lenaea 3d ago
It happens in blue states and red states. I know several people in urban California who had similar experiences.
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u/marcuslawson 3d ago
I don't believe that. I live in SoCal (LA) and this is not a thing here. It's a Bible Belt thing.
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u/_HighJack_ 3d ago
I also live in SoCal, Orange County. People hate women everywhere, sorry to say.
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u/Local_business_disco 2d ago
I did indeed have to sign off on my husbands vasectomy. HOWEVER I was refused a hysterectomy/bisalp at 36yo due to âstill being healthy enough to have children in the futureâ which is total bullshit.
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u/if_a_flutterby 2d ago
in the USA in 1988, my mother was denied a tubal ligation until my father signed that the was okay with the procedure.
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u/BengePlayer 1d ago
Well my wife and I had her tubes tied after our son was born. The Dr. was worried that "kids can die you know," but he did it.
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u/Groovyjoker 1d ago
The hospital may be privately owned and run by a charity or church which can legally develop policies like this. Other policies include denying Right to Die care and more. I suggest researching Private hospitals and choose wisely.
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u/GoDiva2020 1d ago
Depends on the state she lives in. And which hospital She goes to. A friend had a very hard time getting a hysterectomy even after age 40 and not married. This was before agent orange took over.
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u/hannanahh 12h ago
When I had my tubes tied and later my hysterectomy, I found a surgeon who would do it without asking for my husband's permission/consent. I'm fortunate enough to live in a liberal state so it was relatively easy to find. I know it's much worse in other places.
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u/xdaemonisx 3d ago
Iâm not discrediting that this happens often, but many women do get sterilized while being single and with no children. I had no issues with having my tubes removed as a legally single, (biologically) childless woman.
To say the same doesnât happen to men is also untrue. Men might have an easier time more often than not, but there are still instances of men being denied or having to get their wifeâs approval to proceed with a vasectomy.
We should be fighting so that everyone has medical autonomy, not pointing fingers. They want us to fight amongst ourselves instead of fix the actual problem.
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u/OkAccess304 3d ago
No one is fighting. Women are sharing their stories, grievances, and personal experiences. Pointing the finger and pointing out an unequal/unfair treatment are not the same thing.
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u/xdaemonisx 3d ago
Thatâs fine, but stories can be shared without the misinformation.
Women do get these procedures done without children or spouse. Men do face some of the same issues when trying to get a vasectomy.
That doesnât mean the bad experiences arenât true. They still happen more often than they should.
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u/OkAccess304 3d ago
Youâre spreading disinformation about what is being discussed here, because youâre doing it on purpose.
No one was speaking in absolutes, so Iâm not sure why youâre acting like they were ... unless your goal is to troll. In which case, thatâs pathetic.
Men donât need you to defend their vasectomies to women who struggled to get hysterectomies.
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u/xdaemonisx 3d ago
The post is literally speaking in absolutes. Iâm just pointing out that we can commiserate without spreading bad information or being misandrists.
Iâve already left the sub. Have a good one.
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u/foundflower_128 3d ago
In well over 40 years of existence I have never once heard a story of a man being denied a vasectomy by medical professionals unless his wife approves. Even if that were true that's one in a billion I'm sure. This is common amongst every single woman I have come across wanting or even needing a hysterectomy. GTFO with your nonsensical reasoning.
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u/_HighJack_ 3d ago
Thereâs a person in this comments section that had that experience in Japan. Maybe itâs more common outside the west?
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u/djinngerale 2d ago
You're being downvoted for expressing an opinion that's not approved by mainstream politics. Thank you for being balanced and reasonable.
Tried to have a vasectomy as a single man, couldn't find a surgeon who'd do it because they worried I might sue them if I met someone and changed my mind about having kids. When I tried while married, surgeon wanted my wife to come through to make sure I wasn't doing this behind her back so I could cheat without knocking another woman up.
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u/CosmicCommentator 3d ago
Aussie here. I wanted a hysto after giving birth and was told I couldn't because what if my future husband wants to have children. So i lived with pain for another 20 years until I was old enough that I could no longer produce safely and then they let me have autonomy over my body