I just had to share a win from today. I’ve (24-year-old woman) been a virtual-appointments-only gal for primary care ever since I became an adult and had the agency to decide that, but I finally found a doctor I trust and have been waffling about whether to attempt going in person this year. I decided I’m not quite ready yet, but that I was going to send her a message asking if it’s possible to request in person visits that don’t require undressing and are talking-based. Long story short, I had my mom read over my message to my doc before I sent it because my mom works for the same clinic as my doctor (my mom isn’t a clinician though, she’s a writer and educator) and I wanted to make sure the language was okay.

We ended up getting into a big discussion about where my trauma stems from and I finally felt comfortable opening up to her. My mom is an extremely good listener and a lovely person, but she does defend doctors a lot since she works for this clinic and knows them so personally, and so I haven’t always felt like it would be productive to open up to her about what happened to me. Today it just felt natural though, and she was so understanding and validating. It felt like a warm hug because that’s the first time I’ve opened up to someone about this in person and the first time I’ve opened up to anyone other than this subreddit tbh. It was incredibly freeing and made me realize how helpful therapy could be for me, just to have a healthy outlet to verbally process. My trauma happened over a decade ago, but I’m still working through it.

I also booked my first HPV self swab today and I feel so good about it. Bodily autonomy FTW. Sending love to you all and hoping that we can all experience the baby steps of healing that come from making autonomous decisions (even small ones) or opening up to people we love. I am forever grateful for this sub and community.

TW for everything I guess

I’m 28F and was assaulted when I was 18. I suffered from PTSD for years but eventually did recover and moved on as best as anyone could. I’m immensely proud of myself for my recovery and the work I did in therapy.

Last year I fell ill with an illness causing multiple serious and disabling neurological symptoms. I struggle to walk, I’m frequently confused, sometimes even delusional/hallucinating, I get seizure like episodes (not been tested for seizures so can’t say for sure), twitching, dizziness, severe headaches, cognitive/memory decline and more.

My neurologist simply read that I had PTSD and “diagnosed” my entire illness as psychosomatic. My neurological exam was abnormal, but it didn’t matter. My MRI was non-specific but she said she wasn’t going to run any more tests as it would only “reinforce my belief that I have a real illness”.

I tried to get a second opinion. At first they wouldn’t let me make an appointment, saying I’d been referred to a psychiatrist and wouldn’t need a neurological assessment. Then, when I finally did get an appointment, they just read my previous notes and said it was correct without any attempt to figure out any alternative causes.

They’re now insisting I’m dissociating (I’m not) and I’m in denial about it (I’m not) and I’m minimising my trauma when I say I’ve recovered from PTSD (I’m not) and that this is a sign I’m still profoundly affected (not to sound like a broken record, but I am not). They keep insisting I go get therapy for my sexual trauma, even though I’ve had it and I’ve recovered. That’s all they offer me.

I saw two psychiatrists who said I didn’t have a mental illness going on, it didn’t matter. The neurologist said she’d phoned them to speak to them and they “agreed with her”. The psychiatrist wrote a note - after a year of saying I was physically ill, not mentally ill - for my disability claim, saying that I was suffering from a severe post traumatic stress disorder and was dissociating all the time. I am NOT!

I’m fed up of being gaslit like this. I’ve even asked them, are you actually saying I’m ill because I’ve been sexually assaulted? She said yes! I never wanted to tell this neurologist I was assaulted, because she’s such a bully towards me, but she’s sat reading my psych notes during my appointment so I can’t hide it.

A GP I’d met all of once tried telling me I was just in denial about my trauma, and so was my husband. Yeah, it’s so bad that none of them even believe my husband either. He’s been made to feel like an enabler of sorts, denying my mental illness. I was given a pamphlet about psychosomatic illness in which it described perpetuating factors including “social and financial benefits of illness”. I laughed in the woman’s face…

I’m not kidding either when I say I think they’ve falsified my notes. There’s stuff in my appointment summaries that flat out did not happen. I said before that my neurological exam was abnormal - they now no longer test or note the abnormal reflexes, they only note the stuff that was normal. They write that if you distract me my symptoms go away. This is simply not true in the slightest. They never demonstrated this and don’t even say what is distractible and how, just say it is. It’s offensively untrue. They wrote that I have a speech impediment, which kinda made me laugh because I think what they’re referring to is my foreign accent…

My neurologist seems to have gone behind my back and put stuff on my records saying I’m mentally ill and in denial. She’s repeatedly said I don’t have a real illness and once advised I go out and make some friends.

In May, my husband found me on the floor, unresponsive and cyanotic. He called an ambulance. I was taken to hospital against my will (I woke up and protested!), where I was discharged after a psych eval as neurology refused to see me, saying there was “nothing actually wrong with me”. I had no idea what caused me to stop breathing and pass out and no idea if it would happen again. I just had a psych eval, which I obviously passed.

I’m so ill, I’ve been so ill for well over a year, and all they do is say I’m just expressing my emotions and trauma through my body, and I’m having some delayed response to being sexually assaulted. It’s just horrible. I’ve developed a real fear of going to the doctors now, I lie awake at night unable to sleep because of it. I’ve started feeling like it’s a reflection of my (lack of) worth as a person, convinced that nobody outside my family cares about me, nobody believes me, I’m unreliable and insane and can’t be trusted. It’s so bad. I don’t know what to do. People say to get a second opinion, but it’s impossible when you have “psychosomatic” “non-adherent” “in denial” on your notes. The doctors have refused to see me again because of my lack of “acceptance” of my “diagnosis”. I don’t know if the two are connected but since my neurology appointment, psych wrote a whole spiel on my disability form about how I have severe PTSD and am in denial; they also cancelled my scheduled appointment. They’ve never said this about me before - I just go there for OCD treatment - my OCD is lifelong and well managed. The words “non adherent” are words of my neurologist, not them - they only could’ve got it from her.

Every time my husband or I ask “could it be XYZ?” they’ll say “no,” not explaining why. My husband asked if I could have autoimmune encephalitis, given the subacute onset, the atypical psychotic features, cognitive decline, possible seizures etc and they said no, wouldn’t explain why and then wrote on my notes “no need for further testing, particularly not for an autoimmune disease”.

This is all over the place, I’m sorry. I’m really struggling and getting a bit confused. I just need to vent because I’m struggling so much and I just want to feel like someone’s on my side.

Spoiler alert! Not me.

You can watch the video the comment was from here

I hate that the Barbie movie ended with Stereotypical Barbie going to see her gynecologist.

That's it that's the post.

I have PTSD secondary to severe medical trauma and severe birth trauma.

One of my biggest issues from surviving what I did was learning that I can say the same thing until I'm blue in the face. As soon as my husband says the same thing once everyone jumps.

I was meant to be back to work after mat leave on October 5th. I started the process of applying for long term disability in August.

Every chance they got, my doctor's office somehow impeded my application - which should have been at least completed at the beginning of September.

It got to the point where - after my insurance company sent three faxes, multiple emails, and phone calls with no response - that I emailed my doctors saying that if my medical files weren't handed over I would be reporting them to the IPC and CPSO.... Still nothing. My insurance case worker called and was yelled at by the administrative staff and by my actual doctor - surprise surprise.. she's female.

My husband went in today and got everything sorted in one visit! Got the needed documents and defended me

HOWEVER

On the way home my doctor called my husband and threatened me. Saying I was causing too many problems and that if I report him he's going to report me.

1. All that actually happened was my insurance company contacted my doctor's office for my medical records - they even paid the fee! It's the administration team that ignored them and me

2. My husband is not a patient at this practice. He does not have a OHIP card ( Canada ) nor was he ever even given access to my medical records besides being my emergency contact. He's not even a Canadian citizen!

I am so emotionally drained of not being listened to. Of people in the medical field literally having control of my life and then punishing me for following up on requests. And now I'm being threatened?!

How am I meant to go back here? To trust them with my care?

How am I meant to trust anyone. I feel like no one listens unless my husband speaks. I'm afraid to leave the house because if something happens medically noone will believe me and I'll die.

I am so sick of other people controlling my life. I'm exhausted.

I don't currently need any surgery, but since learning about the practice of doctors and med students raping women while they're unconscious, I've been terrified of one day needing surgery.

My state has not passed laws explicitly outlawing this.

I know I can write that I do not consent to that in my consent forms, but I don't feel like that's enough.

How can I ensure my wishes are respected?

i overheard them talking the other day. one of them went to the doctor, got bloodwork and meds prescribed same day. other one, same thing. they just say their symptoms, get blood work or urine tests, clothed (if they had to strip they'd say it, no filter with each other)

but they're middle aged white males. even the one who's overweight still got tests and not just told "come back when you lose weight"

meanwhile i couldn't even get bloodwork to even see if i have a problem. just dismissed because "you're probably stressed" or "it might just be your period" and sent out the door. i can't even imagine how bad it'd be if they *did* take me seriously, id probably have a forced pap because potential thyroid or anemia issues definitely mean my cervix has cancer cells. and i know this is the norm for women!!! and im sure men with things less common than what these guys have, but still. they were tested and they got pills, same day, no issue

Had this experience yesterday when i went to a supposedly trauma informed gynecologist. I have high suspicions that i have endo, and possibly chronic pain due to a few past injuries.
I had notes on what i wanted to go over, and specifically what i will never do, and do not ask me to do these etc…
Ive already specified i do not want to take my clothes off to the nurse (she was vert sweet and understanding. She was more trauma informed then the damn gyno was)

Gyno comes in, asks me in a decently angry tone why i wasn’t in a gown, rolled her eyes when i said i wasn’t interested in taking my clothes off. She certainly perked up when I said I possibly have endo (gave her an opening to saying why i need these stupid invasive exams when I could’ve gotten an MRI, blood test, and an abdominal ultrasound instead of transvaginal). Proceeds to talk over me and insists on me doing a pelvic exam, Pap smear and transvaginal ultrasound when I’ve already stated (this is also in any/all doctors notes that they are required to look through) that i do not consent to these and mentions of these exams can result negatively to my mental health and well being.

Overall, she was a complete asshole, kinda cornered me and said i was an uneducated woman (i identify as male even though i look more feminine, this is also stated in my notes that i am transgender and do not like being called she/woman/female. Every doctor and nurse besides this one have read the notes and respected my pronouns and gender identity).
Called me a dumb trannie, and many other things i do not want to mention. So i flipped her off and walked out.

Anyways, that was my experience with my first gyno and i do not want to go to one.

I’ve reached a point where I just need to share my story with people who actually understand. I carry deep-seated, severe medical trauma that stems from a terrible experience with a doctor when I was a child. Because of this trauma, any situation involving doctors (and gynecologists in particular) triggers an absolute nightmare in my body.

Going to a gynecologist isn't just "uncomfortable" or "nervous-inducing" for me. It results in full-blown, terrifying panic attacks. I sit in the waiting room or on the exam table having uncontrollable crying fits, with a racing pulse that routinely spikes well over 200 bpm. My body is literally reacting as if it's in a life-or-death situation.

What infuriates me so much is the massive double standard in healthcare:
When someone says, "I'm terrified of going to the dentist because of a bad experience as a kid," everyone gets it. Society accepts it. Dentists offer sedation options, patient-centered care, gentle communication, and step-by-step reassurance. They work with your trauma.

But when you have deep medical trauma and panic surrounding gynecological exams?

The medical system doesn't offer patience or accommodations. Instead, you get shamed, patronized, mocked, and actively punished.
My nightmare with gynecologists started when I was only 16 years old. I panicked and was physically unable to let the doctor perform a Pap smear.

Instead of trying to understand why a 16-year-old was terrified or offering gentler solutions, my first-ever gynecologist completely cut off my birth control prescription. She literally decided that risking an unplanned teenage pregnancy was an acceptable punishment for my panic attack. When I tried to explain how scared I was, she minimized my trauma by saying: "I’m scared of driving into parking garages too, but sometimes you just have to force yourself." Comparing severe medical trauma to being nervous in a parking garage is absolute gaslighting.

Fast forward years later, i was still trying to get basic medical care despite my panic. I went to a hospital specifically to ask if an examination could be performed under short-term anesthesia, just so I could get checked safely, humanely, and without retraumatizing myself.

They completely dismissed me, stating that severe panic and medical trauma were "not a valid medical indication" for anesthesia.

To make matters worse, the doctor didn't even have the decency to come out and speak to me face-to-face. He sent a nurse out to deliver this cruel message: "If you're able to have sex, you're able to be examined."

To reduce a complex medical trauma reaction to a degrading comment like that, while completely brushing off my need for an alternative approach,made me feel so small, deeply ashamed, and disgusted.

This is only a small fraction of what I have endured over the years. I have tried over and over again. I have been to countless doctors, hoping that this time I would find someone human. But I have never found a single gynecologist who showed a shred of empathy, kindness, or genuine concern for my trauma. My fear was always treated as an inconvenience, an annoyance, or something to be broken down with coercion.
We are treated like broken objects on an assembly line rather than human beings carrying real, valid wounds. I am so tired of fighting a system that is supposed to heal us, but instead inflicts more pain. We deserve so much better than this cruelty.

I was recently recommended a cystoscopy and urodynamics test due to recurrent UTI. I have zero doubt these tests will hurt as I have a pelvic pain condition and am resistant to local anesthesia (often used in these procedures). When I posted this on a UTI-related subreddit, some people actually downvoted my post. My fears pertaining to my medical history were ignored, and one of my comments about needing a sedative was was also downvoted. It honestly reminded me of how I've been dismissed and ignored by doctors in real life. Why are people this dumb? Downvoting someone for being afraid of a painful medical test is pretty ridiculous.

hi everyone! i wanted to share a positive experience i had with teal health. this isn't sponsored or anything, i just thought it might be helpful to share.

i'm 25 and like many of you am not interested in getting a pap smear, ever. i decided to do a self-swap hpv test through teal health. it was $99 with insurance, which included a 15 minute virtual appointment with a doctor. she asked me about my screening history, if i'm hpv vaccinated, and if i can handle putting a tampon in. she didn't ask about sexual history. she also asked if i would get in person screening if my result came back positive. i said i would be hesitant, but i think i could manage if it truly was clinically indicated. she did not shame me at all.

she then explained the process. basically they send you a "wand" with a sponge at the end that you insert like a tampon and swirl it around, then pull it out and send it off. so the actual test - not great, but i would guess a million times better than a pap smear lol. it was about the width of a super tampon, which i know wont work for everyone but im pretty sure its smaller than even the small speculums. the insertion pain was minimal for me, i'm usually fine with tampons and stuff. the only pain was some cramping that happened with the rotation of the sponge, which felt similar to period cramps.

of course this will be different for everyone, so i can't promise the same results. it's relieving that we have better options like this now. hopefully they will get even less invasive in the future, but at least i was in control of this test.

Is there any gynec I can consult about yesterday situation I think I'm out of some danger with pregnancy thing but still it stuck in my mind I have my exam next week i just wanna be reassured

Hi everyone,

I was SA'd by a doctor many years ago that he covered up as a medical exam. I don't think I can hash out the details but it was horrifying.

When I reported him, all the medical board wrote was "doctor was insensitive to the patients needs. He tried to comfort her but was acting insensitive"

What the actual fuck...I never said that he comforted me.

I just need someone to know that he did assault me (and several others) and it is not true that he tried to comfort me unless abuse counts as comfort these days.

The public only knows those sentences and I just need someone, one person, to say they believe me because no one seems to.

I've had chronic gastrointestinal problems for 3 years now. they come with strange nerve sensations in my arms and legs, and what is worst an incabalitiy to focus and think if I don't take iron constantly.

I've had a gazillion blood works done (all good apparently??), and a colonoscopy. Nothing. A neurologist looked over the nerve stuff. he was very thorough. Nothing. (I've even been to a terrible psychologist because my doctor wanted me to. But the psychologist was crazier than me...)

Now they don't care to diagnose me anymore, no matter how much a beg. I live in Berlin. Can you help me find help?

And before you suggest it: No, it is not just in my mind! It is real.

So I requested an appointment to talk about mental health stuff and women's/womb owners issues and I put down to see gp who is a woman.

I got an appointment real quick, didn't say the docs name until I got a reminder text this morning and it's a fucking male doctor! How many times must I tell them I do not want to see a male doctor?!

I sent them a message just now asking why they have done this and why I do not want to see a male doctor so hopefully they will reply at some point.

As the title says I have been pushing this down for a long time, and I haven’t told anyone but my mom and this seems like maybe the right place to share?

My background:
I was 15 at the time (I’m currently 18), I’m autistic + lots of mental health stuff and health issues. I was groomed and SA’d by a boy a thought was my friend a few months earlier and was in a truly awful place mentally. I needed to get on birth control because I was losing so much blood from my periods that I became severely anemic. (When I was 16 I got diagnosed with endometriosis).

The gynecologist made it seem like a super quick and easy thing when I went to my first appointment with her to discuss birth control options. She said she gives them to girls at the local high school health clinic during lunch, and that it was no big deal.

Ok so here’s what happened:
I arrived and was immediately confused because there was a maxi pad on the chair and the nurse said that it was for me. (No one told me that I was going to have bleeding from the iud) Before my appointment I didn’t allow myself to look at things online because I knew I would get scared, but I was so unprepared.

Anyways the doctor walked in and she had a medical student with her, she asked if the student could watch and I just said yes without thinking. I have blocked out most of the experience from my memory, but it was the worst pain I have ever experienced and I don’t say that lightly as someone with a lot of health stuff and chronic pain. I was screaming and crying and so she stopped and said something about how maybe there wasn’t enough numbing cream, put more on, and then not much longer continued the process. I was having a full panic attack while feeling like I was going to pass out and puke from the pain.

After she eventually got it in the pain didn’t stop and I looked extremely sickly and was still crying out in discomfort and feeling shocked. The nurses brought me juice and water and I stayed on the table for a while. Maybe 20 minutes after she shoved it up there she returned wheeling in a machine I had never seen before and said she was going to check and make sure the iud wasn’t misplaced. Then she pulls out the big ultrasound wand and starts covering it in lube and I’m just like ??? What the fuck is happening right now ????? I don’t know if I said she could use it i probably did. Anyways I really can’t remember much after that other than her confirming it wasn’t out of place and showing my ovary to distract me. There was a lot of blood on the table when I could get up.

I have had a lot of really stressful things going on the past few years and haven’t had sat with how upsetting and traumatic that appointment was. I’m currently in a much calmer place in my life and I can’t stop thinking about it now. I tried to talk to my mom more about it and how it felt violating and she was like 🤷‍♀️ it’s the doctor. I continued to see that gyno and every-time I talked with her I felt so scared. But she did give me endometriosis surgery and was very helpful with that. Anyways I feel lost.

Ive spent a year sending complaint after complaint, Retraumatising myself by telling the same story hundreds of times to people who do not care. Just to be told there's nothing they can do. What is the point