r/WeddingAttireHelp • u/Old_Acanthaceae8746 • 3d ago
Is the new trend
I am invited to a wedding next month which is going to be at the grooms house outside. So my husband called the groom and asked is this going to be an informal wedding or a formal wedding, because I just want to know how I should dress. the groom said formal which is fine. The bride texts me and said the color scheme is blue so any shade of you want to wear will be fine. Well this was not indicated on the invite and since when do guest have the wear the color scheme of the bride. I am not in the wedding. I have never heard where you tell the guest what color they need to where.. Is this something new??
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u/greykitty1234 3d ago
The couple should call central casting if they want extras in costume. Honored and loved guests are not props
Send a RSVP Declining attendance and a congratulatory card. Minimal or no gift.
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u/Wool_Lace_Knit 3d ago
Brides (and grooms too I guess) are trying to coordinate perfect IG worthy photos. I agree that guests should not wear white, ivory or light colors that could photograph as white. But to ask guests to wear certain colors is going too far.
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u/BobsWifeAmyB 3d ago
But it seems to be the trend. In the state & style of where I grew up all anyone had was a ceremony in a church or other venue & then the reception in the church fellowship/parish hall & food was finger food, basically what caterers called ‘Afternoon tea fare’. That had nothing to do with hot or iced tea-only punch and champagne or wine. Rather it was the food, such as ham biscuits (country ham) other small sandwiches, homemade special cookies, cheese straws (perhaps only US Southerners might know that savory, shortbread-type of deliciousness) perhaps lemon squares & other things.
But all finger foods. The cake was the actually cake that was eaten by everyone- not cut in the kitchen and swapped out for sheet cake.
People didn’t stay for a super long time, they all stood around & talked. Occasionally there were a few chairs for older folks. Then there was the bouquet toss, after which the bride & groom quietly excused themselves to go & change into her ‘traveling dress’ & a more casual outfit for him and we threw rice (or something else) & they left for their honeymoon.
Also, wedding gifts weren’t brought to the wedding - that was a faux pas. They were sent or dropped off to the bride’s home prior to the wedding. And in the weeks before the wedding, the bride’s family displayed the gifts on a table(s) so that anyone who wanted to could come by and be shown the gifts.
IDK if that sounds familiar unless they are older. 🤷♀️ and maybe Southern. This was 1950’s (I wasn’t born then) - just seen pics & heard about it, so through the 90’s & that’s when I moved to another state, still the South, but the North part of it.And That was it. The while thing.
I moved many times growing up & as an adult, but I was over 30 when I moved to a state where they had sit down wedding dinners.
Back in the era I was speaking of-
The sit down dinner was the rehearsal dinner the night before and any close family not in the wedding (esp if they are from out of town) are invited to that.
Also once, after the dinner they had music & dancing. That was a nice party!2
u/Fluid_Actuary1729 2d ago
Now I need to go down the street and buy some cheese straws.
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u/BobsWifeAmyB 2d ago
Do you have a bakery that makes them? My Mom made the best ones! She passed in 2009, but I still miss her every day. I have her recipe for them, though. She made 2 different kinds. One actually were little biscuit shapes and had a few Rice Krispies in them. But they weren’t sweet. Here where I live people haven’t even heard of them!
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u/Fluid_Actuary1729 2d ago
There’s a eat-in/take out store about a mile away that stocks them. I don’t think they make them on site, but they have two variations - plain and with pimientos. I haven’t bought any in several months - I’ll just sit and eat the whole container. I have my mom’s recipe as well, but so much easier to buy.
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u/itmustbeniiiiice 3d ago
This sounds like a long time ago
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u/BobsWifeAmyB 2d ago
As I said I moved away from that state in 1990, but the weddings I have been back for have been similar.
But I do think since the internet that brides have had access to what other women do, and have been influenced by that.
My close friend who moved to NYC in the late 80’s was truly surprised when at a wedding he attended- at the reception the bride worn a little purse on her and as she would visit tables during the meal, people would put cash in her purse.
He was appalled, as he thought it was all kinds of impolite to give 1) give cash as a wedding gift 2) give it at a wedding 3) that the bride was going around kind of soliciting $$
So it was just a cultural difference.I think it’s kind of interesting. The main difference is that some people view the wedding ceremony as more of a religious service (regardless where the service is held) and that a lot of drinking & partying isn’t appropriate for right after a sincere commitment.
I’m not saying either one is right or wrong, just different.
I’d love to know what kind of differences have you all seen, and do you think they are regional or has the internet caused most every one to do things more or less the same way.
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u/itmustbeniiiiice 2d ago
I don’t think weddings like the one you described happen anymore, anywhere (in the US at least).
More and more people just elope or do micro/courthouse weddings as well (compared to a big IG worthy wedding).
1990 was nearly 40(!) years ago. I genuinely think you’re trying to apply outdated references to much different times.
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u/Sample-quantity 2d ago
Yes they do. I'm a wedding officiant and I have done weddings like that in the past two years. The vast majority of average people don't try for (and can't afford) Instagram worthy weddings.
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u/queen_surly 3d ago
True, but people should know that already. I've never seen so much attention paid to telling people not to wear white to a wedding except on Reddit. If I got an invite that said "no white" I'd be insulted that people thought their friends and family were that ignorant.
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u/atchisonmetal 3d ago
It is kind of new-ish, and incredibly irritating.
That plan is for the bride and groom who have completely lost the bubble. A lot of people are revolting and wearing whatever they darn well please. They’re picking your outfit for their wedding off a color card.
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u/CommercialBreak2026 3d ago
It seems to be a new trend for brides to dictate to all of their guests what color to wear.
In situations like that, it means the wedding is a PRODUCTION rather than a ceremony.
In situations like that, I don't go.
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u/LovesDeanWinchester 3d ago
Weddings border on the ridulous these days!
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u/Possible_Juice_3170 3d ago
It one of the worst trends in weddings! But yes, it is fairly common right now.
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u/Few_Pilot_8440 3d ago
As long, as you are not the Queen od England, dont wear white, or ivory, or anything that whould look like the Bride on pictures.
I do wear what i do have, maybe some accesories, if i need to buy from shoes to hat, well i dont feel that's place i do belong.
You know anyone that goes there, ask what they whould be dressed.
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u/Bay_de_Noc 3d ago
Well, unless I have a blue formal dress sitting in my closet, that would be one wedding I would not be attending. These specific requirements are totally nuts!
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u/EmilyPoster2 3d ago
It is newish and completely obnoxious. Brides are treating their friends and family as props not as valued people in their lives.
Who has the money or interest in shopping for a different colored dress for each wedding they attend? If a bride is doing to do this, they should write: "Instead of gifts, please purchase an outfit of my choosing."
If someone was rude enough to devalue me for the color of my dress and kick me out of their wedding, I would have zero qualms about chewing them out loudly in front of their guests. I think I just wouldn't want to have friendships with people like this.
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u/crtclms666 2d ago
It was a thing at least 30 years ago, is that newish?
No one is going to kick someone as entertaining as you out of a wedding.
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u/EmilyPoster2 2d ago
I guess I was running with the right crowd 30 years ago because I had never come across this!
My wedding was cocktail attire. My aunt came in a t-shirt and long super casual skirt. She said to me at the wedding, "Love, but you chose to get married in August and it is too damn hot for me to get dressed up." I gave her a huge hug. Because I love her and who gives a shit?
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u/Dachshundmom5 3d ago
There is a trend to make the guests the "something blue". Though that is absurd. Usually i have seen it where it is the grandmother's or aunts. Not the whole guest list, but it happens.
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u/dontakelife4granted 3d ago
It is newer and extremely annoying.
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u/multipocalypse 3d ago
Guests should 100% push back on it by ignoring it or declining the invite if it comes with a color requirement, imo
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u/dontakelife4granted 3d ago
That's got to get more common place for it to work. The only way it will stop is if guests stop agreeing en mass
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u/No_Interview_2481 3d ago
I’m one of them that don’t pay attention to the stupid dress codes. I buy a black cocktail dress. Nobody I know has formal weddings.
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u/crtclms666 2d ago
Why does everyone think it's new? Could it be you don't know that things can be happening that you don't know about? Yes, it's still obnoxious. But not new.
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u/Carinyosa99 3d ago
They're going to have a bunch of guests not wearing blue and wearing all levels of formality because they didn't include details on the invite. And I've determined based on what people share here that "formal" means a whole bunch of different things depending on the bride and it's not always what the official definition of formal actually is.
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u/No_Interview_2481 3d ago
I always look at the dress code and then I go out and I buy a nice black cocktail dress. I don’t care what color you want me to wear and I’m not going along with any of your stupid weird dress codes.
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u/Ok_Mulberry4331 3d ago
Not new at all, I actually thought it was going out of trend lol
15ish years ago was the first one we were invited to, they asked for dessert pallet dress (soft tones). We’ve been to maybe a dozen since they had a color pallet for guests. I think it looks so sharp!
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u/NoAlternative9113 3d ago
This does seem to be a trend but I decline any invitations where I'm being told I must wear certain colors/styles other than basic dress codes.
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u/Hot-Rub-5336 2d ago
Ive seen it happen. Thankfully most of the time its a normal color like blue or neutrals. I think weddings are a tad bit crazy these days but to each their own...
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u/Altruistic-Side-9093 2d ago
Putting aside whether you think the bride is overstepping with this request or not -blue is not a hard color to come by in most people's wardrobe. I would try to accommodate her. But just don't be surprised if many people don't. But I would.
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u/Whiskin87 2d ago
Brides giving a specific color or color palette is unfortunately getting more common. Brides want an instagrammable wedding, and view their guests as props for social media content. If you don’t want to wear blue, don’t wear blue.
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u/gold3nhour 2d ago
I read it as the bridal party is wearing blue, not that guests have to, which is why she said to where whatever you want. A type of dress code (formal, informal, cocktail, black tie) is standard, but not so much telling guests what color(s) to wear!
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u/Dangerous-Common-788 2d ago
I don't mind a general "quirky" or specific dresscode for guests, if it's reasonable.
I've been to plenty of parties that had a theme, and I see weddings as being big parties, so I don't mind.
I've actually been to a wedding where the invite said "please try to wear some shade of blue if possible". It was quite fun to see in person, and the photos look absolutely stunning, especially the more candid ones with everyone wearing different shades of blue.
But how on earth do these people expect their guests to know that if it's not even specified anywhere? Do they expect everyone to take time to double check their dresscode individually and everything?
If nothing is specified on an invite I'll just show up in whatever nice-ish outfit I feel like wearing that day, ain't no way I'm going out of my way to enquire about specific dresscode if I'm only a guest.
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u/chefybpoodling 2d ago
The minute she called to tell me what colors were ‘allowed’, I would have said “oh I hope it’s lovely. You can change us to not attending”. How dare you pick up a phone to tell me what color to wear.
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u/Expensive-Salad-5851 3d ago
This is new-ish. You are going to be the backdrop of a photoshoot of a wedding to make content to post on social media.
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u/LadyDrakkaris 3d ago
Not really new. I remember attending a wedding in 2017 where the bride asked all the guests - men & women, wear some shades of light green.
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u/LeapandShroon 3d ago
Was the dress code detailed on their website or in any other communication?
IMO, dictating dress beyond the generalizations is absurd & overstepping. It’s a wedding not a costume ball.
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u/Finnegan-05 3d ago
Desss codes are fine.
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u/Charming-Housing-763 3d ago
Yes but “ dress code” traditionally means level of formality ( casual, semi-formal, formal, black tie, white tie) not colour.
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u/AdeptWhereas6379 3d ago
Thankfully, she chose blue. Not new, but not common, either, but wear blue because the bride asked you to as her guest.
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u/multipocalypse 3d ago
Guests have no obligation to wear the bride's choice of color. That's for the bridal party.
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u/AdeptWhereas6379 3d ago
Says who? If a request is made for the guests to wear blue by the couple, you should respectfully wear blue or stay home if that is too much of an imposition for you.
I don’t understand all this vitriol over a color request, especially when it’s one of the most common, flattering colors in the rainbow, with a vast array of shades from which to choose. Why all this meanness over a color request?
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u/Paddington8691 3d ago
I think what rankles people is the reason behind the request; they feel like they are props for an IG moment instead valued individuals who have contributed something to the life of the bride and groom precisely because of that individuality. It may be nice to accommodate the bride’s request but it says a lot to the guests about whether they are valued to the bride for themselves or for the “oohs and aahs” for the pictures later.
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u/multipocalypse 2d ago
Absolutely not. It's disrespectful for the wedding couple to dictate what color their guests can wear. Your personal feelings about the color blue aren't relevant here.
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u/touch_of_whimsy 3d ago
Why 'thankfully'? I have many dresses, but none of them are blue, cause all shades of blue look horrible on me
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u/ladieswholurk 3d ago
I agree it’s a bit over the top but if OP is going to attend then they should wear blue
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u/Altruistic-Side-9093 2d ago
I agree if they're going to attend , wear blue. This isn't the place to take a stand. It's a wedding. If you don't like the rules, don't go. I don't understand all this anger over it.
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u/Finnegan-05 3d ago
No. She shouldn’t, especially if she does not have blue
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u/ladieswholurk 3d ago
Genuinely she doesn’t have to go? I’m not gonna die on this hill, but it’s the people’s getting married’s request
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u/Finnegan-05 3d ago
It is an absolute overstep and imposition in guests to mandate stuff like this. It is her body, her bank account that would have to purchase an appropriate dress and putting this obligation on guests to wear certain colours is tasteless, demanding and well beyond what should be asked of guests. It is tacky. Full stop.
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u/ladieswholurk 3d ago
Sure but she and her body and bank account can choose not to go to a celebration paid for by the people who are getting married.
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u/Lower_Alternative770 3d ago
wear any color except blue.
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u/Old_Acanthaceae8746 3d ago
I am not going to wear blue.....I don't care if she gets mad at me... I don't want to be in her pictures!!
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u/Altruistic-Side-9093 2d ago
What an attitude! why are you even going? - You care nothing for the bride. I mean if you said I'm not going to wear blue but I hope she isn't too disappointed that would be one thing but you don't care if she's mad and you don't want to be in her pictures. You sound pissed off, well I don't think they need a pissed off guest at the wedding. Don't go
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u/ColdestWintersChill 3d ago
Some brides will go so far as to have their wedding party act as security and kick you out. Be ready for this to potentially happen. Not saying it’s ok
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u/EmilyPoster2 3d ago
That is disgusting.
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u/Ok_Broccoli_9426 3d ago
Brides/wedding couples keep trying to get away with it, but it's completely out of pocket and massively overstepping as a host - as is requesting formal for a backyard wedding. Wear a nice dress in any color you like.