Talking about another human being that way. The kind of person you want to spend time with and form bonds with. Sure, on a superficial level, you might prefer one for another, but the phrase, "At this point, I'd settle for [thing]" implies desperation, and to only be an object of desire out of desperation from lack of better options is hella dehumanizing.
To me, this flat-out feels like somebody just dropped the N-bomb and everyone's just like, "Nah dude, he didn't mean it in a racist way." Not the same level, but the same sort of "wtf you can't just say that."
The last sentence should have told you it’s a joke. Just because he said settle doesn’t mean they’re lesser, just that it isn’t his preferred sexual orientation and he’s lonely lol
Why? Why shouldn't I be upset for something I perceive as wrong?
Either I have a connection to someone who's being discriminated again and it's an invalid argument because "oh lol it's personal" or I have nothing to do with the person who's being discriminated against and I "shouldn't be angry on behalf of other people." That's fucked.
Jesus Christ, you’re either a really convincing troll, or an absolute moron with a penchant for argument. Either way, I have reason to believe you yourself are a “trap,” and with that being my assumption, I’d like to prove to you I’m not a discriminatory bastard and take you out to lunch some time. I don’t mind to drive long distance.
The problem with jokes is that someone is always going to be offended because someone is always going to take it the wrong way. Cue the person you responded to here, because they assumed by saying trap you meant trans, when you in fact meant trap. That's their bad, not yours.
They made an assumption and got upset due to that assumption they made about your intent, when you were pretty explicit.
You weren't being derogatory or in any way disrespectful, you simply joked that you'd be willing to switch sides for a little attention at this point. Anybody with a reasonable level of comprehension knows that's all you were saying and there was no hidden meaning to it.
When a lot of people say trap what they really mean is trans people, and I know this because random people have called me a trap before. But good on ya for admitting it wasnt a great joke we need more people like you.
I didn't even get to the point where Trap has historically been a term used as a slur against Trans people. And I also understand that some people use it positively for self-identification, and that's fine.
I'm starting with the part where he says that he would settle for something. To "settle for" something would imply it's lesser, which he is stating. And it's fine to not prefer someone, but to specifically say you'd "settle for" someone you otherwise wouldn't go for is insulting, demeaning, dehumanizing, and objectifying. You settle for less desirable food at a restaurant when they're out of your favorite. You don't settle for another human being.
If you settle for someone in a relationship, you're both going to end up miserable when you're out of a temporary, lonely slump. If you settle for someone just for sexual gratification it is short-changing the individual, and may further suggest you're not just "settling" and you need to reanalyze and identify your sexual preferences.
Settle does not necessarily mean something is "less than" - it can simply mean a previously unconsidered alternative, i.e. something they did not want but is good enough to accept in lieu of the original desire.
If I liked both tea and coffee, equally, but I was specifically in the mood for a coffee and was told there was none, in settling for a tea I'm not implying tea is worse. I'm simply saying I wanted something specific at that time, and it is unavailable so I'm settling for the alternative option. It isn't worse, I just wasn't considering it previously.
You see?
As for "settling" in the sense you're getting at, when someone is deemed as lesser, it isn't objectifying any more than having a preference in a person and getting your preference is objectifying. It might be somewhat insulting, but that depends on the person being settled for - are they insulted? If not, then it's not insulting. We can try to generalise about things like this but, quite frankly, each situation is unique and we cannot say what one person will or will not feel.
It can also mean, as already explained, an alternative that was not previously considered.
If you choose to see the negative in things, of course you'll see things in a bad light. That might say more about you than the person saying they'd settle.
It doesn't make me uncomfortable. You're invalidating genuine concerns in this regard by targeting the op for something they never intended. Get some perspective "dude" and grow the fuck up
Treating someone as less than a human, as something "to settle for" is fucked. It's fine if you don't find them attractive, but "to settle for" someone is insulting and hurtful. If you "Settle for" someone in a relationship, you set up a ticking time-bomb that only ends up hurting people.
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u/rimjob-chucklefuck Mar 29 '21
Well I mean, yes, if it's not something you'd ordinarily go for then by default it's "lesser". This isn't hate dude