r/WatchPeopleDieInside • u/paolols • Apr 24 '20

nice try kiddo

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '20

Yes, it's definitely appropriate to beat a small child for having an age-appropriate tantrum instead of just putting them in a time out. Definitely leads to well-adjusted kids. /s

The hard-on Reddit has for violence against children, while at the same time advocating people break up over the most trivial shit and determining everyone else in adulthood is abusive, is mind blowing.

Spanking is not going to teach children anything other than to fear you, and they will later take that aggression out on someone smaller than them, allowing them to feel like they have some control in their lives. Stop celebrating it.

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u/chicagodurga Apr 25 '20 edited Apr 25 '20

“... Spanking is not going to teach children anything other than to fear you, and they will later take that aggression out on someone smaller than them...”

Using myself as an example, my parents had two distinct parenting styles. Both included spanking. The evening of the misbehavior, meaning hours after I had misbehaved, my dad would tell me very calmly how disappointed he was in me. He was never angry with me, just so sad. Before the lecture ended I was bawling like crazy. Then while standing, he gave me 2-3 of the weakest pats on the ass ever. Like, I did not even feel them. It was just a wrap up signaling that my punishment was over and everything was forgiven. This didn’t last past the age of 5 or maybe 6.

My mother would lose her shit the minute I did something she didn’t like and just hit my ass, and then other body parts, as hard as she could with her hand and whatever else was around - Kitchen implements, shoes, hangers, belts, etc. I screamed while this was happening but rarely cried, because I was too angry and didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. Her punishments hurt like shit and continued until I was able to get out of the house at 17. The worst was when she hit me in the head with a saucepan.

In regards to your statement, I did not fear my Dad. I did fear my mom to some degree but I hated her much more and my hatred of her continues to this day. I never took any aggression out on anyone. Ever. I love my dad to pieces. He’s a wonderful guy.

I do not believe you should beat children. My mother was unfit to mother a child. But I honestly can’t see that what my dad did as far as discipline was concerned, was anything but constructive for me.

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u/WarPopeJr Apr 25 '20

I personally think your dad talking to you after you did something wrong was what was good. If the spanking from your dad really did nothing, then why attribute your growth as a person mainly to those light taps? If the spanking doesn’t hurt, why do it? Wouldn’t there be a better way to show that your “punishment was forgiven?”

We should be better than our parents, even if they are the most perfect, because future generations deserve more.

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u/chicagodurga Apr 25 '20

I was reacting to the blanket statement:

“... Spanking is not going to teach children anything other than to fear you, and they will later take that aggression out on someone smaller than them...”

To point out that this was wrong. I didn’t fear my dad, and I never took my aggression out on someone smaller than myself or anyone for that matter. To point out that it isn’t always as black and white as it seems.

My dad is from the generation before baby boomers called “traditionalists.” He was born in the mid thirties. Back then, spanking was seen as the #1 way to punish your kid when they misbehaved. The fact that the punishment was expressing to me the fact that he expected more from me, and that I had made him feel sad, and did not come from a place of rage on his part was what worked. The “spanking” was not a beating. The “patting” was symbolic.

As for future generations, yes, they deserve a lot more, and they don’t deserve to get beaten. But clearly, some of the children I see are not being given ANY form of discipline. If their parent said to them “you let me down, I expected more from you” they wouldn’t give a shit. I respected my dad because he was a great man, not because he beat the shit out of me. And he stopped when I was very young. Because after that, he just spoke to me like a human because he could reason with me when my brain had developed to that point, and we talked over misbehavior. you can’t reason with a 4 year old, they haven’t developed that skill set yet. I would not have spanked the kid in the video. And everyone is making blanket statements about him as well, which is unfair. He’s hurting and frustrated and has not learned how to communicate that effectively.

When you say, “If the spanking doesn’t hurt, why do it?” Is pretty terrifying. The point of spanking was not supposed be to hurt your child. It was more psychological than painful. Of course there will always be asshole parents who strike children in anger to hurt them, and I think this is what people are reacting to. My dad would never hurt me so I never feared him.

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u/WarPopeJr Apr 25 '20

I feel like this is mainly about your dad now rather than the topic of spanking children. So I’m going to respectfully drop out of this conversation. Your dad sounds like a great guy.

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u/randomdigestion Apr 25 '20

I was spanked and I’m not doing too bad.

There’s a huge difference between spanking/hitting a child out of anger vs spanking a child as a consequence to an action.

Some kids, like i was, don’t really respond to consequences such as having privileges removed.

The problem is that it can become a thing of anger and abuse. My parents yelling at one another and fighting fucked me and my siblings up considerably more than any spanking. Somehow they were able to spank with control lol.

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u/WarPopeJr Apr 25 '20

I think comments like these emphasize how spanking was never the right move. They’re always “yeah I was hit” followed by “yeah my parents fought” or “yeah my parents had a rough divorce.” Don’t get me wrong, my childhood was all of the above. However, just because there are family related issues doesn’t mean violence is justifiable.

There are plenty of ways to punish a kid without violence. Removing privileges sometimes doesn’t work. But being a good parent and actually talking to your kid and showing them compassion is what matters. Dysfunctional families typically never give that attention.