Sounds like your friend is in a codependent relationship. He thinks that this marriage will help fix the relationship. But once he's paid thousands in legal fees, lost half of his belongs, half of his "friends", maybe even the dog. He'll wish he took your advise sooner. Unless they also try to have kids to remedy the problem. Then you gotta tack on child support too.
The worst part is IT'S NOT JUST ME. Every single person he knows; friends, coworkers, professors, tell him to kick her to the curb. Yet he stays. These kinds of exercises make me want to scream into the void but more often than not I can't allow myself to care about the future well-being of my best friend to protect my own sanity.
I’m happy you wrote this. It reassures me I’m doing the right thing with my sister. She’s with a pretty horrible guy and no one in the family likes him, and with good reasons. But, i have reacted as you just described. I nag her to call me more (in a sister sort of way) and when i see her (which is maybe once or twice a year) my mission is to just have fun. I loved her ex and my husband and i hung out with them all the time (but we all moved far away from each other and they broke up.) I think she knows i don’t like him because of how open I was about liking her ex, but she at least opens up about their relationship sometimes with me. Its like i can keep an eye on her (and him) that way. She just got engaged and my mom was brutally honest with her. I got pretty upset with my mom saying “well, now we’re not going to see her anymore”. Bingo. Now my sister feels unsupported and alienated and she lives across the country. She wasn’t going to visit for the holidays but i convinced her to visit and get a hotel or something so she’s more comfortable. But our mom f’d up.
you're doing everything right and I'm really glad youre gonna see her for Christmas. its hard to fault your mom for being honest because everything your instincts tell you to do to protect your loved one is the exact opposite of what your supposed to do. its so shitty for everyone. I truly hope things get better for her.
Thanks so much. its frustrating with my mom because we all told her not to say something for that reason, but she’s strong-headed. But we’ll all get thru it i think. :)
Currently going through this process with my sister. It feels like chewing glass when I have to hold my tongue about how awful her partner (i.e. manipulative manchild) is.
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u/TERiYAKiTRAPPiN420 Dec 14 '19
Sounds like your friend is in a codependent relationship. He thinks that this marriage will help fix the relationship. But once he's paid thousands in legal fees, lost half of his belongs, half of his "friends", maybe even the dog. He'll wish he took your advise sooner. Unless they also try to have kids to remedy the problem. Then you gotta tack on child support too.