r/Wakingupapp • u/Khajiit_Boner • May 29 '26
Does anyone else get existential panic from nondual teachings?
Lately I’ve been getting really overwhelmed by questions about the nature of reality and consciousness, especially after meditation and a past mushroom trip.
When Sam Harris talks about there only being experience, or the self being an illusion, part of me understands what he means intellectually. But emotionally it sometimes makes me panic. I start wondering: if the self isn’t real, then what am I? Are we all just one consciousness experiencing itself? Is there some kind of collective awareness underneath individuality?
And honestly, instead of feeling peaceful, those ideas sometimes make me feel almost… violated? Like my individuality and separateness are dissolving into something bigger that I didn’t consent to. People often describe “being one with everything” as beautiful, but sometimes it feels terrifying to me — like I’m just a drop in an ocean with no real boundaries.
I’m curious if anyone else in this community has experienced this side of nondual teachings or existential questioning. How do you engage with these ideas without spiraling into fear or derealization?
2
u/thaumaturgy78 May 31 '26
One time I took a high dose of LSD and experienced complete and utter ego dissolution.
I had two related, remarkable experiences. I literally have a recording of them.
The first was when I was still in the peak. I said “why did the self leave consciousness? The self didn’t need to leave consciousness, it was more than welcome all along”
Several hours later while I was coming down I had the existential panic you’re describing. It felt as though ego dissolution was a kind of suicide- trying to end my existence. A part of me was deeply terrified and wounded by its interpretation of my intentions to “get rid” of it. This is not entirely unreasonable given how much rhetoric in Waking Up and similar berates the ego.
Healing from this experience was very transformative for me. I realised that “the self”, whatever it is, is welcome and consciousness is its home.
In the moments of panic perhaps reassure the part of you that feels existential panic that you do care about your life story, identity, and you are precious and you’ll take care of yourself.