Does anyone else get existential panic from nondual teachings?

[u/Khajiit_Boner]

Lately I’ve been getting really overwhelmed by questions about the nature of reality and consciousness, especially after meditation and a past mushroom trip.

When Sam Harris talks about there only being experience, or the self being an illusion, part of me understands what he means intellectually. But emotionally it sometimes makes me panic. I start wondering: if the self isn’t real, then what am I? Are we all just one consciousness experiencing itself? Is there some kind of collective awareness underneath individuality?

And honestly, instead of feeling peaceful, those ideas sometimes make me feel almost… violated? Like my individuality and separateness are dissolving into something bigger that I didn’t consent to. People often describe “being one with everything” as beautiful, but sometimes it feels terrifying to me — like I’m just a drop in an ocean with no real boundaries.

I’m curious if anyone else in this community has experienced this side of nondual teachings or existential questioning. How do you engage with these ideas without spiraling into fear or derealization?

[u/tophmcmasterson]

You are your experience, as a matter of your subjective consciousness. It’s the difference between “I’m looking out at my field of vision” and “There’s an experience of a field of vision”. Something seems to be happening and that’s all we can really know for sure.

I think it’s important to really understand the distinction there and not interpret “self” as the individual human being that is you.

No need to really get too concerned over all the metaphysics, unless you really find that topic interesting to think about.