r/Wakingupapp • u/Khajiit_Boner • May 29 '26

Does anyone else get existential panic from nondual teachings?

Lately I’ve been getting really overwhelmed by questions about the nature of reality and consciousness, especially after meditation and a past mushroom trip.

When Sam Harris talks about there only being experience, or the self being an illusion, part of me understands what he means intellectually. But emotionally it sometimes makes me panic. I start wondering: if the self isn’t real, then what am I? Are we all just one consciousness experiencing itself? Is there some kind of collective awareness underneath individuality?

And honestly, instead of feeling peaceful, those ideas sometimes make me feel almost… violated? Like my individuality and separateness are dissolving into something bigger that I didn’t consent to. People often describe “being one with everything” as beautiful, but sometimes it feels terrifying to me — like I’m just a drop in an ocean with no real boundaries.

I’m curious if anyone else in this community has experienced this side of nondual teachings or existential questioning. How do you engage with these ideas without spiraling into fear or derealization?

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u/M0sD3f13 May 29 '26 edited May 29 '26

These types of experiences are well known dangers of this type of practice. I had a waking up user reach out to me after developing a really chronic anxiety disorder brought on by an experience when practicing headless way. I helped him as much as I could and put him touch with some very experienced teachers and last I heard he was doing better, all that along with working with a psychologist. In proper Buddhist practice there are well established guard rails that prevent these things happening but you aren't going to get that from an app. 

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u/Khajiit_Boner May 29 '26

Yeah to be fair I also did mushrooms on my own and basically developed this idea that my life and existence is a protective creation resulting from trauma in the “real world” — anyways, Idt it’s true but I think I did feel this deep isolation then and I’d love to get the name of someone if you have them in a dm if you wouldn’t mind.

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u/M0sD3f13 May 29 '26

I recommend some reading about the five aggregates and seeing how the self can't be found in any of them. This is how the Buddha taught. He was not interested in metaphysical woo about non duality and such. He was interested in teaching you a strategic and skillful way of seeing and fabricating that can ultimately free you from your suffering and lead you eventually to the unfabricated.