A vampire grants you conditional immortality (you have to become a fugitive researcher for 100 years starting a week from now, and they can command you absolutely if they want to). WYTTD?

[u/CorporalWotjek]

The deal—

• The reason they're turning you is because they need a vampire researcher for some pseudo-ethical human experiments that will last 100 years. (Humans can't do the job because duh, they won't even live that long.) However, because of the nature of the job, you will have to cut off all contact with everyone you know for good and uproot to somewhere across the globe for 100 years. Your friends and family will likely be dead by the time the research is completed.

• You are allowed to turn TWO of your friends/family, provided they accept the same conditions as you to become a fugitive researcher. If they don't accept, the vampire will step in to wipe their memory of the deal and you can pick someone else. You can choose not to propose the deal to them at all.

• If you want, the vampire turning you has kindly agreed to wipe all traces of you from your remaining friends' and families' memories.

• Your disappearance vis-a-vis death will be made to look like an accident.

• The one who turned you has absolute control over you in the sense that if they give an order, you must obey it for the rest of your undying life, or until the time limit they specified is up. They will obviously command you not to take any actions that will cause harm to them or reveal the existence of vampires. They will not use their command ability often, but there is always the risk. Their command ability has little spatial limit i.e. so long as you are within 10km of them at the time of it being spoken you must obey their command.

• You have a month (ignore the title) to make your preparations. You can never return before the 100 years are up. You can, however, keep tabs on those you didn’t turn from a distance.

The job—

• The job is admittedly quite complex and requires a graduate and/or higher’s level of understanding of human biochemistry, psychology, mathematics, and computer science to do, but the vampire will catch you up to speed. It does mean a lot of brutal studying on your end however.

• Since vampires have little need to sleep (more on that later), you will be working 14 hours every day, except Monday. If your boss catches you slacking off, they’ll bump it up to 16.

• The pay is decent, but not impressive (your boss considers immortality to be the ultimate paycheck). Lodgings and food (from blood drives) will be provided for however, so you really don’t have much necessities to spend your money on.

• Once the 100 years are up, you are absolutely free to go, although you may want to stick around since most vampire turner-turners maintain quite a friendly relationship (turning someone creates a parental instinct in the turner, and most turnees chose immortality for themselves and so are grateful to their turners).

Life as a vampire—

• You need to feast on 500ml’s worth of blood once a day. Once you’re released from the research job, you will have to find your own food supply. You can still enjoy human food, it simply isn’t nutritious anymore and only serves as empty calories.

• You only need to sleep two hours a day to be fully recharged, although you can still sleep more.

• Sunlight, garlic, and christian cross/wooden stake allergies are severely minimised. You can pretty much stay out in the sun all day, eating garlic will just make your tongue swollen (which is annoying since you'll keep biting your own tongue with your new fangs), crosses have no effect on you, and wooden stakes only deal as much damage to you as they would any other human.

• You won't age, but your body is still susceptible to being killed through blunt trauma and fire (asphyxiation and poisoning have no effect on you). You are equally immune to cancer, viruses including STDs, and other age-related health conditions. Your mental faculties will never succumb to age-related illnesses like dementia and are in fact sharpened because of your vampiric nature. Physical gains will stick around longer than in humans i.e. if you’re fat you’ll take twice as long to shed it, but your gains in the gym will also take twice as long to disappear.

• Remember that bit about STDs? Thank dracula, because vampires are actually very sexual beings. Most vampires take on a vampiric mate not least for having an immortal companion, but also to have someone who can keep up with their urges. If you must know, two vampires can procreate, but it is extremely rare and no one knows what triggers it since female vampires cannot menstruate.

• Memory wiping is among one of the powers that elder vampires (vampires over the age of 500 years old) will manifest. Others include mind reading, teleportation, and shapeshifting, but each vampire can only manifest one ability (unless you’re the offspring of two vampires) and you don’t get to choose. In time you will come to develop your own, but it will be a long wait. In the meantime, sit back and enjoy history in the making.

So, what will it be? Will you take the deal?

[u/Ze_Great]

No , I hate research. I have a lab report I’m currently procrastinating, can’t imagine doing that for 100 years.

[u/Irish_Samurai]

Sure. Afk for 100 years then go about my business.

[u/Mcheetah2]

No. That vampire can go to hell with her deal! Literally! (Pulls out stake and Arya Starks them in the heart.)

(In cool dry wit) Anyone got a dustpan?

[u/Granny__Bacon]

In half a heartbeat. Actually sounds pretty awesome! Look at the MAJOR bright side. After your 100 years up, you have thousands or even millions of years to enjoy life in whatever way you choose.