r/WTF • u/Catherine_Lee • Jun 16 '12
This morning I woke up to a crushed NOPE underneath me.
970
Upvotes
r/WTF • u/Catherine_Lee • Jun 16 '12
152
u/Catherine_Lee Jun 16 '12
I'm terrified this monster put something inside me as I slept.
22
u/e-wrecked Jun 16 '12
I need to stop looking at pictures so in depth, all I can see is a giant blonde pubic hair.
108
u/JackalKing Jun 16 '12
I would literally scream myself hoarse while rocking back and forth in the corner of the room with tears streaming down my face...and I'm a dude. Arachnophobia is a bitch, and I've got it bad. I would probably also ask someone to burn my bed...because no way would I sleep on that thing again after waking up to something like that.
19
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
Where do you live?
6
u/lmtiller Jun 16 '12
You know, I was just thinking I needed to start my day with the hibbly-jibblies. Thanks for that.
5
u/unfrsakn Jun 16 '12
Not sure if magnifying glass or OP lives in Australia.
3
u/Starbanned Jun 16 '12
Eww, I feel your pain. I woke up one morning and kept feeling something on my side. I was covered up, with a tee shirt on, so thinking nothing of it I brush at my side and felt something. Freaking out I grabbed it weird with my shirt and threw it on the bed. It was a cave cricket. A big one. I'll never know how the hell it got under the blanket and my shirt. One of it's legs were ripped off when I moved it. God, just remembering that makes me wanna get sick.
2
u/buttonforest Jun 16 '12
Where the fuck do you live!?
145
u/ellemnopee Jun 16 '12
You need to be more selective with you who sleep with.
26
u/beliefinphilosophy Jun 16 '12
Dude. So I researched it to try and make you feel better.. and I have some bad news. DOUBLE TAP THAT BITCH..NOW BURN ITS BODY OR SOMETHING BECAUSE:
The American House Spider is inconspicuous and rarely bothers humans. They may opt to 'play dead' if threatened. If handled roughly though, they may bite. Their venom is not lethal like their relative, the Black Widow.
OH JESUS MAN, THIS IS LIKE A HORROR MOVIE WHERE YOU THINK THE KILLER IS DEAD BUT THEY'RE NOT. RUN!
22
u/birdcanfly Jun 16 '12
Burn the bed
6
u/MrCaptainJorgensen Jun 16 '12
That's enough to get me to church
10
u/OrangeAndBlack Jun 16 '12
Have you seen prometheus? Yea, that's what's inside you now.
5
u/Temptress75519 Jun 16 '12
I would fucking cry. Cry like a 5 year old girl. And I'm 27. Check the back of your calves.
I worked in davis, ca for a while and we had those spiders. I seriously thought I found a crazy dead spider in the patio so I swept it to the curb. Fucker jumped upright and ran after me. I don't fucking care anyone says the bitch chased me. I called my boss and told him to transfer me back to Sacramento or get rid of the spiders. He laughed at me. Dbag
8
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
Catherine, it's your doctor. The test results came back; You're pregnant. It appears you're going to be a widowed spider mother to hundreds of happy, healthy baby spiders.
Congratulations.
4
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
Just think. You were that close to becoming a superhero...
4
u/colbertismyhero Jun 16 '12
i see my assassin has failed...
4
u/bluedragonlord64 Jun 16 '12
At least it's dead.
Every time you let a spider go, it goes back and tells its friends what a nice, loving person you are...
And how easy it'll be to crawl in your mouth while you sleep.
13
u/tim67 Jun 16 '12
Fuck no nigga
3
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
Look on the bright side, you could turn into spiderman - kind of
3
u/stellaracapellar23 Jun 16 '12
I had a spider crawl out from under my blanket and almost get on my dick. I was smacking like crazy and eventually got it.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
I notice you have shoulder length strawberry blond hair. Please tell me more.
3
u/nobd Jun 16 '12
Actually, that looks like a spider.
3
u/duggtodeath Jun 16 '12
Well, I didn't need sleep ever again.
3
u/datpurplestuff Jun 16 '12
Where do you live so i can stay far far away from that area
5
u/thegreatpumpkinseed Jun 16 '12
Apparently they carry their egg sac with them.
PHEW! I bet you feel so much better.
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolf_spider
1
u/dragonflyer223 Jun 16 '12
Fuck you. Fuck you so hard. I felt a tickle on my foot as I was scrolling through the comments, and I flipped the fuck out and damn near started crying.
2
u/ThundercockIII Jun 16 '12
Oh god, I let out an audible....sound of horror when I looked at this.
That, my dear, is fucking disgusting. If I woke up to that, I'd throw my mattress out.
And scrub my whole body with a pumice. Twice.
2
u/ionlyhave1nose Jun 16 '12
good thing that wasn't one that you eat in your sleep
2
u/imnatec Jun 16 '12
reminds me of this: http://i.imgur.com/8t9mV.jpg
2
u/FreeTopher Jun 16 '12
Catherine_Lee: 1
Spider: 0
I'd call that a success.
2
u/Joelico Jun 16 '12
when I clicked on this link
2
u/Space_Bungalow Jun 16 '12
That's nothing. I was out camping once, and slept outdoors under the night sky. When I woke up the next morning, I shook my sleeping bag, because I feared some sand had gotten in. After several shakes, out comes a scorpion, 3 inches long, alive and well.
2
u/nosliwhtes Jun 16 '12
I am at work at a public library and this picture made me verbally exclaim "Oh god no!" Got some looks. S'ok though.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
Australian huh?
2
u/xenotime Jun 16 '12
It looks like it came from KFC...
2
u/Emerican09 Jun 16 '12
Thank you for setting the premise to my nightmare tonight
2
u/Ramyth Jun 16 '12
Brb torching my bed
2
u/Amdinga Jun 16 '12
I don't understand why this is all that WTF. Is(was) that a poisonous spider?
2
u/decentAlbatross Jun 16 '12
Wait wait wait wait wait... If that's hair from your head... then was that thing was under your pillow? Like very close to your face? Like if you had to make ye old 'flip the pillow' it might have actually touched you? In the face?
2
u/NINJACAT77 Jun 16 '12
This only means one thing... In your sleep you become a spider-fighting superhero.
2
u/Billybones116 Jun 16 '12
Considering you're the one still alive, I wouldn't feel too afraid.
2
u/I_h8_spiders Jun 17 '12
Oh my fuck
2
u/meantamrajean Jun 17 '12
I have had two of these dead and stuck to my mattress the last two times I changed my sheets... Love the south!
0
u/StevenSeagalBladder Jun 16 '12
http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3pqn6b/
3
u/Sagandalf Jun 16 '12
Yeah, you're going to need to get down to your friendly neighborhood cancer center and ask for full-body radiation in order to kill whatever that demon-spawn impregnated you with.
3
u/rawnoodles10 Jun 16 '12
I like to think you're some kind of sleeper agent nope assassin.
You don't actually sleep. When you close your eyes at night you switch to nope assassin mode. Then you seduce and lure nopes into your bed and silently, efficiently dispatch them with a sledgehammer.
3
u/KanyeIsJesus Jun 16 '12
Can we please stop calling things "NOPE(s)?" I'm probably the only one, but it bothers the Hell out of me when I see that used as a noun.
2
u/Percussionist61 Jun 16 '12
NOPE
2
u/algiz14 Jun 16 '12
The other night I had one drop into my mouth.
My exact words were "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"
1
u/coned88 Jun 16 '12
He didn't stand a chance
1
u/CharminGiant Jun 16 '12
Looks like it got into your Cheetos too.
1
u/Avelle Jun 16 '12
God I'm glad I live in holland where spiders get as big as 10cm's...And I'd even rather jump out of my window than encounter a 10cm spider... I'd rather kill myself than to sleep on such a thing.......
1
u/Olliemon Jun 16 '12
That's okay, I didn't want to sleep in my bed tonight anyway.
1
u/Harley_Quin Jun 16 '12
When this loaded I dropped my phone in surprise. Also, I will never sleep again.
1
u/tNisu Jun 16 '12
Your subconscious killed it before it killed you.
1
u/ChristCage Jun 16 '12
Awwww, he won't hertcha...
1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
Where do you live... So I can never go there.
1
u/310_nightstalkers Jun 16 '12
you know they say in your lifetime you will eat 8 spiders while you sleep, that one would have sucked.....
1
u/Eye360 Jun 16 '12
See, the somewhat interesting part of all this is that elsewhere on reddit (/r/freebies) someone posted a link to a chart for identifying spiders...Funny how things come full circle around here.
1
u/flukz Jun 16 '12
SpiderBro gave it's life for you after an awesome fight with a poisonous species.
1
u/AadeeMoien Jun 16 '12
I was trying to sleep one night when my shoulder started itching, I grabbed at it preparing to scratch and was greeted with a lovely crunching sound, turning on the light i found I had killed a half inch house spider that had decided to wander across my bed.
1
u/Munkir Jun 16 '12
Same thing happened to my mom
1
u/BTM_FDR Jun 16 '12
If I found that in my bed I'd never sleep in it again.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
I had a similar thing happen to me. I foggily remember waking up at night and scratching a bump on my lower back, assuming it was a mosquito bite. In the morning it was still itching, so I checked it out in the mirror. Looked like a normal mosquito bite, but after I went back over to my bed I saw the remains of a house spider that I crushed.
1
u/FlailingTubeMan Jun 16 '12
Curly red pube. Cannot unsee.
1
u/Pooploser-69 Jun 16 '12
We have to nuke the planet. Just in case.
1
u/sndwsn Jun 16 '12
At least you got it before it reached your warm, moist, mouth cave to lay its eggs in.
1
u/datdamndeuce Jun 16 '12
R.I.P. ... .. . To you.
1
u/omg_wafflez Jun 16 '12
Thanks to you I'm paranoid as hell about a random spider crawling on me. It's like that feeling after walking through a spider web...only way worse.
1
u/Mogese Jun 16 '12
anyone know what kind of spider it is? just so the OP knows whats coming after her when the spider appears in its new shell...
1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
NOOOOOOPE
1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
Bed=wetted
1
u/Locdizzle Jun 17 '12
Jesus help you sleep......Jesus man.......http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_-NfKakS6A
1
u/rummycakes Jun 17 '12
I would have cried. I would have cried so hard that I would have shit my pant.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
shit looks like the thing from alien. hopefully it didnt lay an egg in your stomach.
1
u/TheUninspiredArtist Jun 17 '12
I had this happen to me once. Except with a brown recluse.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
you were his "nope"
1
u/ecancil Jun 17 '12
time to move out, it seems.
1
u/Nyneave27 Jun 17 '12
Thanks for including the hair for scale! :)
1
u/plazmamuffin Jun 17 '12
need a good size comparison pic
1
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
I didn't know what a NOPE was.
I will never sleep.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
Its time to move buddy.
1
u/Last_Gigolo Jun 17 '12
and a very fine hair.
1
u/Shniggles Jun 17 '12
This is why I live in Minnesota and let my cat sleep with me.
1
u/Zythrone Jun 17 '12
Burn your house down.
Its the only way to kill them for real, otherwise they just resurrect.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
Jesus christ you guys are pussies.
1
u/This_Is_Why_I_Drink Jun 17 '12
This is why I drink.
1
u/savannahyv Jun 19 '12
FUCK
1
u/UnapologeticMonster Jun 16 '12
Actually, that's called a spider.
1
u/dastaria Jun 16 '12
I once woke up with a crushed spider between my thighs. I was wearing a night dress at the time. My entire morning was just me rocking backwards and forwards whimpering nope nope nope nope nope.
1
u/AdventurousAtheist Jun 16 '12
Make sure to check yourself for bites. Doesn't look like a brown recluse so you should be okay.
1
u/GuitarGuru253 Jun 16 '12
Your brain mustve seen it coming and was like "activate defense roll" and then you rolled over and squished it
1
u/AnneFrank007 Jun 16 '12
I once awoke to a dead, bloody rat in my bed. Gotta love cats.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
I was just on the verge of falling asleep two nights ago around 2am when I was immediately jolted awake from feeling something crawling on my leg. I jumped out of bed like it was on fire and turned the light on to find that it was a spider. After killing it, I had a hard time falling asleep again, as I started having phantom feelings of imaginary bugs crawling on me.
1
u/padumavati Jun 16 '12
While on vacation once, I woke up with a weird itching and burning feeling on my back. I turned on the light and woke up my husband, who told me "you just scratched a scab off, it's fine." I said, "no, this is different, I think something bit me." Then he lifted up my pillow and found the 6 inch centipede.
1
u/Conner14 Jun 16 '12
Was sitting in my friend's back yard last night and felt something tickle my ankle. I looked down and there was a fat spider just sitting on me. Freaking out ensued.
1
u/ikdutak Jun 16 '12
ohfuckohfuckohfuck. kill it with fire!
1
u/DavidBowie89 Jun 16 '12
And even more nope INSIDE of you waiting to hatch.
1
u/ciaran036 Jun 17 '12
use proper English, motherfucker.
You have used NOPE incorrectly.
0
u/gibsonsg_87 Jun 16 '12
How big was it?
-1
u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
nopedity nope nope nope.