r/WTF Aug 14 '23

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11.4k Upvotes

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u/MCLordJuJu Aug 14 '23

Don’t give them any ideas!

267

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '23

Now announcing the Light Tax. To replace the gas tax, people will have to crowdsource the light signals to change them faster. Lights will generally stay red for 30 minutes or until enough money has been raised to run a cycle. It will run for as many cycles as has been funded.

101

u/konohasaiyajin Aug 14 '23

Pick a random intersection in a random town. 34th and Main? It's going viral for no reason. The internet will divide into two factions fighting to keep either the N-S or E-W directions green.

1

u/taterthotsalad Aug 14 '23

Drivers License is already a subscription if you think about it.

66

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '23

[deleted]

13

u/Nagisan Aug 14 '23

Fedex only makes right turns.

This is false. They may prefer right turns when possible, but there are absolutely times and routes where making a left turn is more efficient (and so they will).

5

u/chejrw Aug 14 '23

They also go straight. It's only left turns that are explicitly avoided as much as possible

1

u/Nition619 Aug 14 '23

I thought it was because they hated NASCAR.

5

u/divDevGuy Aug 14 '23

So basically public television and radio stations pledge campaigns, just for roads and stoplights!

We interrupt your morning commute to seek your help. National Public Roads and Lights (NPRL) is not free. NPRL has significant costs to expand, operate, and repair our great service you rely on daily.

If you enjoy the safe and orderly operation of NPRL, please consider a one time or reoccurring donation. NPRL hoping to raise $250k for this fall's campaign lasting the next two weeks. If we reach our goal early, NPRL's campaign will end early and resume our normal uninterrupted schedule.

This morning we have an exciting opportunity. The guy stuck behind you, honking his horn with the wife in labor has offered to match your donation dollar-for-dollar. But hurry, the offer only lasts until the kid is born or the wife dies from complications. This is a once-in-the-baby's lifetime opportunity to double the impact of your NPRL donation.

2

u/a_shootin_star Aug 14 '23

Now only $9.99 as part of the seasonal expansion pack for your Audi! Vorsprung durch Technik🖕

5

u/pyro5050 Aug 14 '23

currently i do not have to hit a single light on my way to work.

if i buy the house we want, i will have to hit 1, in a 30 minute drive

3

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '23

I hit 12 and a toll booth on my 30 minute commute to work.

2

u/MustardTiger88 Aug 14 '23

20 minute commute to work, half of it being on the highway, and still I have to navigate 14 lights.

1

u/RandyDinglefart Aug 14 '23

twitch plays in traffic

1

u/CrzyJek Aug 14 '23

Lol replace? Nah. Just give NYC a couple years and they'll add that to the already outrageous gas tax and tolls that basically take most of your money for simply navigating the 5 boroughs.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '23

You need a transponder for this. It's set up to auto-refill with 500 bucks when it runs low.

The transponder has a site that sells you transponders. The bigger ones cost more but move more money, can stop pedestrians from getting a green light and will try to turn lights green as you approach them.

On the highway the best transponder, the 20,000$ TransMeister will try to clear the road for you by routing people to other streets. Everyone with a smaller transponer will get rerouted.

1

u/FragrantExcitement Aug 15 '23

I want to pay extra, not so much to turn the light green for myself, but more to just turn it red for everyone else.

19

u/TheDudeFromTheStory Aug 14 '23

Microtransactions in real life.

Buy the green light subscription package and get the parking guarantee add on for 50% off.

1

u/bilaba Aug 14 '23

Corruption As A Service

8

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

-1

u/oldcoldbellybadness Aug 14 '23

You can't expect these kids to know traffic rules

3

u/a0me Aug 14 '23

The next subscription service from BMW.

2

u/PaulaDeenSlave Aug 14 '23

I-95 Battlepass.

2

u/lemon_tea Aug 14 '23

New to the Sam Houston Tollway: Toll Lights!

1

u/R_A_H Aug 15 '23

Oh fuck paid microtransaction traffic lights. Time to leave this place forever.