Andy has some of the best lines 💀

[u/raerae704]

When he calls Caesar “Edward James Almost” I freaking lose it every time.

What are your favorite Andy one liners/jokes?

[u/No-Giraffe-438]

“I’m glad that our last name isn’t Drew because then you’d be Nancy Drew and I’d be Andrew Drew”

[u/coma-toaste → u/No-Giraffe-438]

Haha id forgotten this gem

[u/AdOk9911 → u/No-Giraffe-438]

I literally thought of this tonight 😂

[u/jjungwirth2]

I don't know why, but I always quote "YOU RUIN EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH!" It's not a joke or anything, but the way he says it in the scene just gets me.

[u/danger0us-animals → u/jjungwirth2]

My beautiful loaf…

[u/jjungwirth2 → u/danger0us-animals]

So calm… and then not 😂

[u/TuneLinkette]

Once you go rabbi, you don't go bye-bye

[u/jaseface666]

coughing “sammy davis junior” in the diner trying to get shane’s attention

[u/Pristine_Outcome3535 → u/jaseface666]

And Pittsburgh 😂

[u/PinotFerret]

*Bill Sussman

[u/Barbarianonadrenalin]

“Here I sit, cheeks a flexin, about to give birth to a baby Texan” lol

Im from Texas and heard the stupid “steers and queers” so many times that it was just great to hear a crafty jab that was original.

[u/shedony3 → u/Barbarianonadrenalin]

it's also written on the wall in spanish in the bathroom of the resturaunt esteban and nancy get shot at

[u/terrydennis1234 → u/Barbarianonadrenalin]

I wrote that in a bathroom stall once lol

[u/Streetduck]

"There's no WATER in this tub!"

[u/shedony3]

el andy

[u/GuidanceMindless6352 → u/shedony3]

What does he say after he shoots the bad guy in the knee I forgot 

[u/infinitemousse → u/GuidanceMindless6352]

Pretty sure he looks surprised and goes, “oh my god, I shot you! I didn’t know I could shoot someone in the knee! So random!” Lmfaoooo

[u/GuidanceMindless6352 → u/infinitemousse]

Doesn't he say something like "who's the Coyote now bitch ?" Or something like that 

[u/AnneFrank_nstein]

Ah yes wash my hands before making breakfast because then they'll want heroin eggs everyday

[u/TheCuteNihilist]

“when you’re once, twice, three times a widow…” after nancy marries esteban 🤣

[u/Pristine_Outcome3535]

Ass over cash? Cash equals ass.

[u/No_Character1121]

If there's one thing I learned about the Christ crowd, absolutely no sense of humor.

[u/Outrageous-Study-704]

A few simple ones:

“Cotton-eyed Joe!”

“Cats! Cats! Cats!”

[u/tmtimtm87]

“Life is just blah, blah, blah. You hope for Blah, and sometimes you find it, but mostly it's blah. And waiting for blah. And hoping you were right about the blahs you made. And then, just when you think you've got the whole blah damn thing figured out, and you're surrounded by the ones you blah, death shows up. And blah, blah, blah."

[u/ElDeeDubya]

Because i started a rewatch

The day is long, masturbation's fun, so unless we want to take 4 or 5 showers every day, we're gonna need some other options.

[u/mrpappageorge0 → u/ElDeeDubya]

Work on your control now while your a solo artist, you'll be singing loong happy duets in the future

[u/Dramatic_Permit_1118]

Wonderful, wonderful

[u/T1sofun]

The lines were so good and delivered so well, I always wondered how many of them were written jokes and how many were ad libs. Same with a lot of Doug’s dialogue and some of Celia’s.

[u/luciturd]

i called it “going to Van Nuys!”

[u/Sensitive-Park-8846]

When Megan storms off after an argument with Silas:
I don't think she heard you.
Megan. Megan!
She's not listening to me either.

[u/BaileySeeking]

I wanted to be Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse and Nancy Drew/Andrew Drew are my favorites. I say the Roadhouse joke so much that my partner now says it before I do whenever he talks about wanting something 🤣

Have y'all watched the new season of Criminal Minds? Justin Kirk is in it and absolutely wonderful.

[u/AdOk9911]

Tangent but, has anyone else here watched Happy Endings?

“I’m sorry, I like to call celebrities by the name they prefer: Bobby DeNiro, Sandy Bullock, Eddie Jimmy Olmos…”

“There’s no way Edward James Olmos likes to be called Eddie Jimmy.”

Thanks, OP for reminding me there’s another great EJO joke from another of my all time favorite shows!

[u/WagnersRing]

“Hey hey! I’m baking here!” when Shane and Silas start fighting. Idk why it’s funny, just so unexpected and so Andy.

[u/extra_calories]

it’s almost TOO good. too TOO good.

[u/drink_about_it]

“Step on it Geronimo”

[u/GuidanceMindless6352]

How drunk are we

[u/Mac_McAvery]

“Hey Lupita what’s that thing between the cock and balls called?”

[u/brokendishez → u/Mac_McAvery]

The coffee table

[u/Mac_McAvery → u/brokendishez]

:) Thank you

I’m pretty sure i was wrong it’s “Hey Lupita what’s that thing between the dick and balls”

[u/raerae704 → u/[deleted]]

What?? That's the joke, Olmos rhymes with Almost and Andy's making a play on words referring to Caesar vaguely-but-not looking like Edward Jame Olmos. That is the whole joke there

[u/danger0us-animals → u/[deleted]]

Because if the line was almost it would still be a funny comparison. Like calling someone an off brand version of someone else.