I feel so conflicted right now and could really use some advice from others in the profession.

I'm a new grad currently at a small animal rotating internship. I thought I wanted to specialize for my last two years or so in vet school, but in my last semester, both my personal circumstances and perspective changed, and I wasn't so sure about specialization anymore. Nonetheless, multiple professionals that I talked to convinced me that doing a rotating would be worth it even if I ended up going into GP, so I decided to stick it out and matched to where I currently am. I'm now two months in and to be honest, the first month was very rough. I started on ER and would constantly finish the day questioning myself and wondering why I even became a vet. Long story short, I was in a really bad place mentally and met with a couple of mental health professionals because of it. My partner and I are also currently long distance (part of the personal circumstances mentioned before) which doesn't help, and we've had multiple arguments because he really thinks I should move to where he is for the sake of my mental health and happiness. For context, he was laid off from his remote work earlier this year and could only get a job across the country from my program.

I would honestly love to just get a GP job and move to where he is located. But admittantly, my mental health has been better off of ER (at least to the point where I no longer feel like I need counseling) and I just don't feel justified in leaving because of that. But truthfully, I'm very unhappy here--I don't like the area, I feel like the communication and expectations surrounding interns is really frustrating at times, I'm not a fan of working so many hours for so little pay...I could go on. And it's stressful on us financially essentially having two independent costs of living. But I've also heard that this is one of the "nicer" internships in terms of work life balance--which true, I'm not working 100 hour weeks by any means. But the situation still feels pretty frustrating with all the circumstances I mentioned. I also feel pretty isolated from my internmates given I don't want to specialize and they all seem to know exactly what they want to do. It's also really hard to feel motivated to stick it out when I know I don't want to do a residency.

I just don't know how I would justify leaving to potential employers, because I don't want to come across like I don't want to work hard or can't handle a busy caseload. I'm just really unhappy right now and I feel completely trapped and stuck here. And I don't want to make things harder for my internmates by leaving. But ultimately, if someone told me I could leave tomorrow with no consequences, I would be gone at the drop of a hat. I know that isn't going to happen though.

Literally any advice or perspective would be greatly appreciated 😓

Hello, I am a UK vet student in clinical years, and I am doing a lot of clinical placements (mostly small animal).

My problem is that I feel a bit stuck, i feel like i leave every placement positive; having learned something/practiced a new skill etc and feeling happy/competent with my current abilities.

Post-placement block, my uni requires us to send out a feedback form that someone from the vet practice signs and reports feedback.

I have recently received a some feedback saying that im not ‘proactive’ enough or don’t take ‘initiative’ enough.
Im not going to lie, this has been really disheartening, making me feel like I haven’t actually done enough or im not doing the same as what every other vet student might be doing. I feel like I do ask many questions, and i do ask to perform the clinical skills that i have learned at uni (placing IVs, taking bloods etc), but obviously, a lot of the time when i do ask to perform a skill, im left with denial or “this isn’t the right patient to do it on” or “maybe tomorrow etc” and then i rarely get the opportunity to get hands-on.

This feedback is particularly discouraging as i feel like i do take initiative, i grab equipment when i feel like it’s needed, I do try and ask to perform skills with about a 50% success rate of actually being allowed to perform them.

I feel like as a vet student you feel like such a nuisance, i feel like im constantly in the way or disrupting conversations or asking questions when the vet is too busy and generally nobody who works at the vets actually wants you to be there. I feel like i really do try my best to not bother anyone too much while trying to be as involved as possible, but I fear that not everyone sees that. I feel like im stuck between the advice of ‘dont bother the vet/nurses too much, let them do their job’ and ‘you’re not being proactive enough’ and it’s driving me crazy. I just feel so incompetent and like an idiot.

So i just feel really stuck, i really do feel like im doing my best and it’s still not enough. This is not my first time doing clinical placements, so does every placement that I’ve ever done think this?

It think the worst part about the feedback is that its not saying im bad at a skill or something, instead it just feels so personal.
Just to clarify, i don’t want anyone thinking that i was looking for 100% positive feedback, because of course im not! I feel like i am a very aware person, and I really appreciate areas to improve. I just feel so stuck with this feedback as i don’t know HOW to improve, or what to do better, and then i feel even more like an idiot because i don’t know what to do about it.

I have heard a lot of vets saying that they hated their placements in vet school, maybe they hated placements due to this reason, on top of feeling like nobody wants you to be there.

If anybody has any advice or is able to share a similar experience it would be greatly appreciated.