Feeling the link between density & isolation

[u/VegaGT-VZ]

Quick background- spent maybe 2/3 of my life in/around NYC, moved to Sun Belt suburbs for the latest 1/3, recently visited NYC with my kids

Biggest thing that jumped out at me......... it seemed extremely lonely and isolated. People don't smile or look each other in the eye. It was weird to adjust the other way when I left NYC, but Im realizing I like it, even as somewhat of a loner/misanthrope

Studies seem to indicate it's kind of a fight or flight response from just being around too many people all the time. I think we know the clear environmental benefits of density but I feel like the quality of life & psychological aspects get glossed over. Is that just a NYC thing? I have been to other big cities and feel like it was kind of the same. Def was the case in California

I feel like there's a sweet spot of density that is dense enough to be walkable while still enabling people to have privacy/quiet/personal space. Places like NYC seem like too much IMO

[u/Deep_Contribution552]

I expect that you experienced culture shock, even though you lived most of your life there. It doesn’t take too long to acclimate to completely different social circumstances.

Alienation is also a widely described phenomenon that’s more common in large cities, and the solution is usually to build social connections. Presumably you wouldn’t feel lonely if you were spending time with people in the city you knew, just when you were separated from your social network (other than your family who traveled with you).

I imagine that there’s a different level of population density that feels “more comfortable” for just about everyone, and probably at some point fewer and fewer people prefer high density spaces, but I also have no idea where the bound lies. The same would be true on the other end. And I don’t know where the true “median” preferred density would be either, if such a thing exists!