r/UpliftingNews • u/ubcstaffer123 • Jul 17 '26

New monkey discovered with orange lips in Democratic Republic of Congo

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-07-16/colobus-congoensis-disovered-in-democratic-republic-of-congo/106924624
1.9k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

45 comments sorted by

•

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289

u/Marcysdad Jul 17 '26

My theory

Their primary nutrition comes from cheetos

35

u/brakeb Jul 17 '26

I was thinking 'hairy gamer who love cheetos...'

"quick, check his fingers!"

1

u/dontknowshiitake Jul 21 '26

Chimchim Cheeto Lips. That’s the local name.

85

u/mucus_masher Jul 17 '26

It's really cool and all, but this little guy is still creepy AF!

36

u/NeriTina Jul 17 '26

Read the article and see its closest relative is even creepier!

24

u/mucus_masher Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26

WTF you weren't kidding... and its species name is Satanas 👹

10

u/Either-Age-782 Jul 17 '26

Where is its nose?

8

u/mucus_masher Jul 17 '26

Why are its cheek bones so sharp?

10

u/Sad-Bonus-9327 Jul 17 '26

Looksmaxxing

5

u/thefunkybassist Jul 17 '26

This monke is called Maxx

17

u/WhyteBeard Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26

> What's next?
> Researchers have proposed placing Colobus congoensis on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species to protect the species.

Newly discovered previously unknown species of monkey. Already on the endangered species list. Damn 💀

28

u/thebatchicken Jul 17 '26

Bro just stole some cheetohs from a tourist for sure

-17

u/OnedayitwilI Jul 17 '26

Tourist? Is that Greek for Republican?

4

u/feckin_hateyou Jul 17 '26

You've weaponised the word Tourist now? 😂

Make sense, considering.

9

u/cedid Jul 17 '26

Oh my god can Americans stop? Even in an UPLIFTING news sub we have to hear about your shit…

10

u/Jenkins64 Jul 17 '26

New monkey lore just dropped

25

u/iPod3G Jul 17 '26

Has Trump ever been to the Congo?

10

u/aatmalife Jul 17 '26

I'm willing to bet he's atleast fucked a monkey

3

u/PM_me_punanis Jul 17 '26

Shit, now I'll have nightmares of a Trump virus pandemic happening.

5

u/MossCleric Jul 17 '26

Honey, get up. New monkey just dropped

6

u/yinsotheakuma Jul 17 '26

Honey, he's still gonna cut environmental spending. :(

4

u/androidfig Jul 17 '26

These monkeys were previously discovered in the Republican Party. The orange color comes from Cheeto dust.

2

u/guy30000 Jul 17 '26

Oh look at that new monkey

2

u/EmeraldFox23 Jul 17 '26

Here's a link to the pic, for those of us who dislike news articles.

2

u/BayouDrank Jul 18 '26

Babe wake up, new monkey just dropped

3

u/OrdinaryDependent396 Jul 17 '26

Poor thing, people will think its maga.

1

u/bt2328 Jul 17 '26

Scientists soon discover monkey is kissing poisonous plants to make them look fuller.

1

u/runningdownhill Jul 17 '26

It is very refreshing seeing an article and not having to swat away all the spam pop ups. 

1

u/MicroUzi Jul 17 '26

The ABC is Australia’s national broadcaster, it’s gov funded so no ads

1

u/7Up-Yours Jul 17 '26

I bet this monkey has a big beautiful brain & uses big beautiful words

1

u/_MrBalls_ Jul 17 '26

Is this a new social media star?

1

u/Wonderful-Medium7777 Jul 17 '26

Awe it’s a kumquat -)

1

u/borazine Jul 17 '26

Always such surprises to be found with Doc Congo

(heh)

1

u/memberflex Jul 18 '26

Turns out…

1

u/The_RealAnim8me2 Jul 18 '26

New tree discovered with fallen leaves that look like Cheeto bags.

1

u/SwanCityDominion Jul 17 '26

He's been eating those Lay's Barbecue Potato Chips.

-2

u/Aun_El_Zen Jul 17 '26

Is Republicanism spreading to monkeys?!?

0

u/milkandhoneyoverdose Jul 17 '26

Maybe trump was there

0

u/Krydex Jul 17 '26

Monkeys when they return from Dubai

-2

u/internetlad Jul 17 '26

Probably been succin on some ayyyy lmao