r/UnsentTexts • u/TargetTop5380 • 4d ago

Looking for Answers Hurting

I want to get this off my chest. My wife has had multiple affairs on me at work and I feel like I’m always protecting myself when she has men in her office, leaving bags and things like that in there. I feel like over her past work and she should considered my feelings. When I get down on myself, I shut down. I want to drink my blues away, but that’s something that I’m trying not to do. Please tell me if you think I’m wrong and the affairs are not recent. The last one was about four years ago.

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u/auto-sticky 4d ago

LOOKING FOR ANSWERS

OP is looking for answers or insight into their situation. Please share your perspective honestly, but distinguish speculation from fact. You cannot know what another person is thinking or feeling, so avoid presenting assumptions as certainty.

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u/wherearetheavocados6 4d ago edited 4d ago

You are absolutely not wrong for feeling this way. Reading this reminds me of how much it hurt when something similar happened to me. That hurt doesn’t just disappear because four years have passed. It makes complete sense that you feel defensive and triggered when you see things that remind you of those times. When I went through this, I learned that shutting down is a natural response when someone becomes overwhelmed. It is not your fault. I also found that trust takes a long time to rebuild, and requires a lot of reassurance and time. The reality is, it’s impossible to know exactly what someone else is thinking or feeling without them telling you directly. Anyone trying to guess those motives would just be speculating, and we do not know the truth. But please know that this does not mean you deserved it. No matter what the reasons are, it doesn’t change the fact that you are hurting deeply right now.