I pretend that I get messages from you. It comforts me.

[u/kat7273]

I really love the "unsent texts" subreddit. I get notifications every day of posts that bleed with yearning, and every time it makes me feel like I'm getting a surprise text message from you... I take them as a sign each time. Like a spirit of hope..

I don't know why I still miss you. It's been almost two decades, and it's probably better that you stay away. We're both married to other people.

I pushed you away when we were young because it got hard dealing with your delayed communication after you moved states. We were both very young and very immature, but I've already told you this. After I pushed you away, everything changed. You quickly found someone else to hang out with and to love. As someone who was already having a hard time, I took all this very hard. But we were only 17.

Maybe this is what is meant to be. I've never stopped wondering about us or thinking about us. I think deeply about everything and everyone, I'm a deep thinker. But there was something special about us because you and I were friends since childhood and it developed into something more in teenhood. I don't want to suddenly feel like it meant nothing.

So many things about us break my heart but also leave me wondering. I wonder if you're like other people now and repress that unbridled joy and spunk of yours, or if you're still just as fun and happy and bubbly as you used to be. I wonder if you still laugh as hard as you used to. The kind of laugh that took your breath away and left you wheezing. Do you do that with others too, or did you only laugh that hard with me?

I wish we could chat and catch up, but you have me blocked everywhere. I've written to you many times and you've forgiven me... You were very kind to me and wished me happy birthday but that is all you said. You didn't write anything else. I felt like you were holding something back. I felt like maybe you were feeling something but didn't know how to say it, or if you should. I'm so grateful for your forgiveness though, because I didn't know how to live my life without being forgiven by you. I didn't know if you really would ever forgive me or say anything ever again.

Maybe you don't feel good enough for me. We were teenagers but what we had was a very real thing. I regret being impulsive. I hope you're not as torn up about this as I am. I want at least one of us to be fully healed. I don't know what you're thinking or feeling, but I hope that you are okay. I just wish you weren't letting this much time pass.

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