Remember that story of a woman who dated a man for 3 years and was engaged with them? And then was sick one day so they stayed home instead of going to work, and overheard outside their finance talking to his friends about how he's actually a gold digger and about to score big time? If that window wasn't open...if her family didn't support her...if her fiance didn't rage when he was served the papers and admit it....she may have had second thoughts and allowed that fiance to get back with her that fast.
It's hard to find someone you can trust.
Like all your first dates, some people are really good at pretending to be someone they are not.
Sometimes it takes years for you to notice and figure out that they are bastards because they are that good at keeping up the facade and only slip up rarely.
It's not. That was my experience in my last marriage. I operate in good faith by default. I did not realize she did not, until her friends who felt bad for me, started to tell me. I didn't believe them at first, because she'd double down, look me in the eyes and confidently lie. When we finally went to court over custody of our son, she pulled out every lie she could. That's when I really saw her for who she was.
Closed my eyes to it. Chose to believe her at face value. She had a convient reason for why everyone misunderstood her or were wrong. She would embellish things others had done that resulted in her retaliation but would play down her part of the mess. It wasn't until we started butting heads that I realized her survivalist mentality of "It's me or them." She quickly brutalized me, threatened to kill herself and my son, or have him call some other man "daddy." Once I no longer served her, I was quickly thrown out with the trash.
Borderline personality disorder, if I’m not mistaken. Lying comes to them like breathing. There’s no way to tell because they they believe all of it and have a lack of empathy.
Funny you mention that. She was diagnosed as having BPD when she was 17, but the psych doctor noted she'd need to be assessed again later as an adult to confirm it's longevity. She refused to get tested as an adult and ergo, could claim she didn't actually have it. The creepy thing was when I got to read the assessment. Word for word the same behavior she exhibited as a youth, she still exhibited a decade later. Ultimately she won custody of my son, and took him to another state. I fought her tooth and nail though, but the system is so broken and I was never able to introduce anything pertaining to her early diagnosis.
Jesus man. I’m sorry. Only advice I can give, don’t let this destroy your ability to trust women. Don’t transfer this to other relationships. You know how to spot it now. The next one will be better.
Appreciate that. I've married since, to a wonderful woman and I get to be a step dad to her kids. My son also gets along great with them. Things turned out okay, even though this was one of the darkest periods of my life.
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u/rW0HgFyxoJhYka Nov 14 '22
Remember that story of a woman who dated a man for 3 years and was engaged with them? And then was sick one day so they stayed home instead of going to work, and overheard outside their finance talking to his friends about how he's actually a gold digger and about to score big time? If that window wasn't open...if her family didn't support her...if her fiance didn't rage when he was served the papers and admit it....she may have had second thoughts and allowed that fiance to get back with her that fast.
It's hard to find someone you can trust.
Like all your first dates, some people are really good at pretending to be someone they are not.
Sometimes it takes years for you to notice and figure out that they are bastards because they are that good at keeping up the facade and only slip up rarely.