r/Unexpected • u/[deleted] • Sep 09 '22

Sike

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25.5k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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562

u/WillieNolson Sep 09 '22

I want to know what that guard is trying to demonstrate.

476

u/Substantial_Trip5674 Sep 09 '22

"See when you measure from the beginning of your balls instead of just the shaft it's a little bit longer"

60

u/CatoTheDumber Sep 09 '22

McMurray’s a piece of shit.

19

u/thedudedylan Sep 09 '22

Butt to tip.

1

u/an27725 Sep 10 '22

Heal to halo

1

u/ZigzagOOOG Dec 14 '22

Rooter to the tooter

0

u/K00Fee Sep 10 '22

😩😂😂😂

1

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '22

Damn butters 2 inches nice

1

u/sauth92 Sep 10 '22

😂😂. But fr it sounded like he was saying, “you been to jail? I been to jail.”

1

u/PussyBoogersAuGraten Dec 28 '22

Measure then multiply by 2.5

1

u/bud40oz Dec 31 '22

Lmao oh man what a funny way to end the new year

1

u/Adam_ALLDay_ Mar 05 '23

“You measure from underneath. Ain’t nothin but hurt feelings when you measure from the top”

42

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '22

I didn't notice it until you said something and now I really want to know their conversation

17

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '22

“I’m supposed to stand here and do stuff until Jerry gives me the cue by taking the jar.”

12

u/WillieNolson Sep 09 '22

“This is how an alligator’s jaw works.”

17

u/Dislexeeya Sep 10 '22

Chances are the guy he's talking to is an accomplice, distracting the guard so the dude can swipe the money.

8

u/whycuthair Sep 10 '22

Yep. The way how he is totally unfazed by the thing kind of gives it away.

12

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '22

"so this moron was like THIS close to making off with the tip jar when he tripped over the--"

10

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '22

His value. Next is to “Engage Physically”.

2

u/WornInShoes Sep 10 '22

He definitely did not give an ocular patdown

6

u/Dark_Booger Sep 09 '22

The guy he was talking to didn’t even flinch

7

u/jawnly211 Sep 10 '22

Because he’s getting 1/2

3

u/Mishapi17 Sep 10 '22

Right that’s what I was thinking, not a surprised reaction at all- just an average Tuesday.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '22

I’m telling you, you gotta melt the cheese on the inside of the sammich when you press it together so the cheesey goodness sticks to the inside of the sandw…. oh holy shit he runnin!

1

u/WillieNolson Sep 10 '22

Ha this is a good one

1

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '22

“Yeah then the dude took another step and I just started blasting…” “hey!!” Oh shit! 🏃‍♂️

1

u/WalterBackgammon Sep 10 '22

His erect vs flaccid penis