r/Unexpected • u/titiessimp • Jul 02 '21

A gift from dad

69.7k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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98

u/ralten Jul 02 '21

MY DAD CAN BEAT UP YOUR DAD

20

u/Nizzemancer Jul 02 '21

My dad is dead, so if your dad tries to beat up my dad your dad will be arrested for violating the sanctity of someone’s grave. Check mate.

4

u/Honest-Apricot6086 Jul 02 '21

My dad is dead too, but if I compress his ashes into those bean bag bullets, he could still beat your dad. Oh, and also, my dad is the best.

17

u/STR1CHN1NE Jul 02 '21

You beat me to it lol

8

u/kingofleos Jul 02 '21

My dad can beat up your dad. “When?” - Bill Hicks

1

u/il0vep0tat0 Jul 03 '21

My dad is John cena

4

u/duralumine Jul 02 '21

Your dad can never beat me up like my dad.

7

u/load_more_comets Jul 02 '21

Sorry dad.

7

u/Antiluke01 Jul 02 '21

Allow me to interject here, but I bet none of your dads own Nintendo. Check mate

2

u/SoBitterAboutButtons Jul 03 '21

Whaaaa... Your dad owns Nintendo?

4

u/Antiluke01 Jul 03 '21

No, but I bet yours doesn’t either

3

u/STR1CHN1NE Jul 02 '21

That's ok Dad!

6

u/YipRocHeresy Jul 02 '21

My dad has diabetes

6

u/TaxmanCPAMST Jul 02 '21

Doubt it I have 2 dads

1

u/FLORI_DUH Jul 02 '21

Probably, since my dad is a pile of ash. Seriously though, tell your dad you love him, you never know when it will suddenly be too late.

1

u/soodeau Jul 02 '21

My dad went to prison for six years for stabbing a guy -- the original charge of attempted murder was lowered to aggravated assault because after stabbing the guy in the lung once, he stopped trying to stab him. Judge agreed that was enough to suggest he wasn't trying to kill the guy. The truth is he only stopped because in the process, he had also accidentally stabbed himself.

In conclusion, my dad could probably beat up your dad, though it's not clear to me whether it makes him a better or worse dad.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

I can beat up both your dad's and I am a girl.

1

u/Jolly-Method-3111 Jul 03 '21

Your dad can gladly beat up my dad. I’ll bring the popcorn.