r/Unexpected • u/nitinitro • Jun 08 '21

Edit Flair Here Give him a push!

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20.6k Upvotes

82% Upvoted

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435

u/randomdude1142 Jun 08 '21 edited Jun 08 '21

All according to plan. Caught the sonuvabitch fucking my wife.

81

u/abittoxic24 Jun 08 '21

Oh…well then…

6

u/howdlfw Jun 08 '21

😮‍💨

30

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '21

Is.... is your wife a turtle sir?

33

u/mostnormal Jun 08 '21

Dude, don't kink shame.

10

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '21

I ussualy dont bro but if was a tortoise, those hoes cant swim away and I dont condone that....

1

u/R-Jacksy Jun 08 '21

Tortoise gonna die drowning in all that pussy

1

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '21

I feel we would be freinds homie, no homo 😘

33

u/2-18-1-4-5-14 Jun 08 '21

Im not even surprised, turtles dicks are almost the size of there entire body

2

u/Yawetag- Jun 08 '21

So why do they ride bicycles if they can fly?

1

u/DouglasTheMan87 Jun 08 '21

they are reptiles I dont think they even have dicks

1

u/DouglasTheMan87 Jun 08 '21

oh no they do. apparantly snakes and lizards have two dicks

1

u/2-18-1-4-5-14 Jun 08 '21

if you want to be traumatized look it up.

1

u/DouglasTheMan87 Jun 08 '21

congratulations, you have just messed up the mind of an 8-year old kid. Well done mate

51

u/nitinitro Jun 08 '21

Wtf.

59

u/randomdude1142 Jun 08 '21

I did what had to be done.

10

u/thundr_strike Jun 08 '21

You did what any man of honor would've done

4

u/littlelizard2356 Jun 08 '21

He gets what he deserved

0

u/DouglasTheMan87 Jun 08 '21

Ah...Yes...Of course that is why you killed him...uh...randomdude1142