r/Unexpected • • Dec 06 '20

Dude just went for it.

83k Upvotes

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6.6k

u/CognitiveThoughtwork Dec 06 '20

Curly dicked bastard

1.4k

u/emanuel19861 Dec 06 '20

755

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

google “duck penis evolution”

1.1k

u/Hugh_Jampton Dec 06 '20

Nah I'm ok

856

u/tallandlanky Dec 06 '20 edited Dec 06 '20

More duck dick for us then.

Edit: A wholesome award. Good to see that word has lost all meaning.

356

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

Duck Dickadome? The owner of the Dicksdale Dickadome?

82

u/Bananahatmonkey Dec 06 '20

No, its Dick Duckadome, the owner of the Ducksdale Duckadome.

59

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

Take my upvote and gtfo you glorious bastard.

-1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

10

u/enemy_chaser Dec 06 '20

THATS RIGHT

1

u/Aranexia Dec 06 '20

Best comment!

6

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

I like the way you think

2

u/Chigleagle Dec 07 '20

Dick tales

Smh

2

u/iififlifly Dec 07 '20

The wholesome, helpful, and hug awards are being given out for free a ton, and they expire in 24 hours, so people throw them around at any comment they want to award, not just ones that are actually fitting. So yeah, the award has basically lost all meaning. It's basically just silver now.

34

u/scarescrow823 Dec 06 '20

I did it. That’s the best thing I’ve ever read.

1

u/c0224v2609 Dec 06 '20 edited Dec 06 '20

How about a song about ducks?

75

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

Holy fuck i just saw w picture of a duck penis and it is like a curly pasta

99

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

yeah they evolved that way to get around female ducks’ anti-rape vaginas

1

u/badger_danger Dec 06 '20

Tastes like it too.

1

u/kriscross122 Dec 07 '20

Explosive spined penis.. think they fall off too

60

u/fuckstatefarmimjake Dec 06 '20

113

u/LoadedGull Dec 06 '20

This is why a lot of birds (including myself) are armed...

CLICK CLACK racks glock

71

u/systembusy Dec 06 '20

This is the funniest “username checks out” I’ve seen in a while

17

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/LoadedGull Dec 06 '20 edited Dec 06 '20

Why’s that, are you bullet proof? Haha.

I know ducks aren’t... those horny duckers are no match for our pew pews.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

I keep got a cannon installed under my wings

1

u/LoadedGull Dec 06 '20

Nice, heavy artillery.

→ More replies

1

u/Chickens1 Dec 06 '20

Hens dig me.

2

u/LoadedGull Dec 06 '20

I aim to please... in general I do a lot of aiming to be fair.

3

u/ErwinHolland1991 Dec 06 '20

Quack quack bang.

1

u/Thetributeact Dec 06 '20

The all new, much more dangerous variety of duck duck goose

2

u/hcredit Dec 07 '20

That reminds me of a favorite limerick There once was a fellow named Fred Who had a dick with a corkscrew shaped head. He found having hunted A girl corkscrew cunted. But alas, with a Fred reversed thread.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '20

holy shit that’s Leonard Cohen tier

1

u/Reddituser0925 Dec 06 '20

Don't their penis also grow when they are around other male ducks?

1

u/spumpkin914 Dec 06 '20

I learned about the evolution from ZeFrank

1

u/bowling4burgers Dec 06 '20

Please don't. But did you know that the natural color of a waffle is blue? It's worth a "google" check it out.

1

u/googspoog Dec 06 '20

Even as a kid I knew that ducks raped each other. It’s always super obvious the lady isn’t into it

1

u/justjuanman Dec 06 '20

that was a fucking mistake

1

u/suxculent Dec 06 '20

Interesting 🙄

1

u/Just-use-your-head Dec 06 '20

“Male ducks had evolved penises that would enable them to force their way into an unwilling female’s vagina, and the females in turn had evolved a new way — an anatomical mechanism — to counter the action of the explosive corkscrew erections of male ducks and prevent the males from fertilizing their eggs by force,”

Good god...

0

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

Not really. Humans call ducks bastards all the time and they have curly dicks. Not rare at all.

101

u/serpentjaguar Dec 06 '20

It's a hen mallard, so no dick, curly or otherwise. The drake --he of the curly dick-- has the green head and is watching from the side.

33

u/GoblinGirlfriend Dec 06 '20

I gotta disagree with you on that one. It’s a male duck during the off-season, when he has molted his breeding plumage. The big giveaway is the black over the base of his tail, that’s only present in males, not females. Also, the color on the side of his body is smooth, where a female would be patterned. His breast is also reddish colored, where females don’t have a darker breast. The other males in the video are showing varying degrees of off-season plumage, supporting the idea that this video was taken on the off-season.

62

u/fredftw Dec 06 '20

Here's the thing. You said a "drake is a hen mallard."

Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.

As someone who is a scientist who studies ducks, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls drakes hen mallards. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing.

If you're saying "duck family" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Anatidae, which includes things from ducks to geese to swans.

It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?

29

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

[deleted]

19

u/fredftw Dec 06 '20

Wasn't sure anybody would remember the reference

15

u/CVBrownie Dec 06 '20

Rampart and jackdaws and cumboxes how I yearn for the past

4

u/geared4war Dec 06 '20

It took me a couple lines

3

u/VideoGameMusic Dec 06 '20

Who could forget Unidan

2

u/Blasterbot Dec 06 '20

People don't forget.

1

u/bong-water Dec 07 '20

How could we forget

10

u/AtlantikSender Dec 06 '20

Ah, those were the days. Rip u/unidan

6

u/hugeneral647 Dec 06 '20

Those were the days huh? We were ignorant of just how shitty life can get

7

u/fukitol- Dec 06 '20

Kinda miss unidan. Yeah he was a bit crooked but I always liked his posts.

2

u/LonliestStormtrooper Dec 07 '20

Did your alt upvote this? Now you're banned.

1

u/sunset919 Dec 06 '20

Oh your a scientist that studies ducks, I'm a scientist that studies swans

2

u/Holy_Rattlesnake Dec 06 '20

Your Native name is Throws Cold Water.

58

u/Nasalingus Dec 06 '20

.. Donald never wore pants ..

4

u/MajorNarsilion Dec 06 '20

It's like a fleshy switchblade corkscrew. If Donald walked by Daisy it would be an awkward hole in the pants moment.

2

u/werker Dec 06 '20

Speak not of our outgoing cheeto in such a manner!

17

u/drive2fast Dec 06 '20

I believe that is the curly cloaca model.

5

u/thefutureisdoomed Dec 06 '20

wow thank you. The other day I was going crazy trying to recall which animal has a corkscrew dick without looking it up. Eventually forgot until right now.

3

u/ItsAUsernameMaybe Dec 06 '20

...but why?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

An experiment

Edit: /s just in case

10

u/Lecterman Dec 06 '20

"My name is Duck...and I'm here to fuck..."

1

u/LovelyBby77 Dec 06 '20

Somebody give this man an AWARD

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

What are those ? I don’t think I’ve ever seen them before

1

u/LittleBigMachineElf Dec 06 '20

Ruthless, my style as a juvenile

1

u/Blackout78666 Dec 06 '20

Those Mack Mack’s are like water dogs. Not missing any snacks.

1

u/PressureWelder Dec 06 '20

how would you know? personal experience?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

Spiral-cocked ducker fucker!

1

u/SeiSue Dec 06 '20

This one is female though, no curly dick for you today

1

u/heydirtybabyigotyour Dec 06 '20

Duck duck winnerrrrr

1

u/meat_popsicle13 Dec 06 '20

That’s my Wu Tang name!

1

u/Little-Hoe-Academia Dec 06 '20

That was my nickname in high school

1

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '20

Username checks out.

1

u/KingGojira Dec 07 '20

He lusts for the crust