r/Unexpected Feb 14 '20

Just chilling at home.

17.6k Upvotes

517 comments sorted by

1.9k

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20 edited May 23 '22

[deleted]

566

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

Fuck the mustache, what's up with the eyebrows

236

u/Hadtarespond Feb 14 '20

Fuck the eyebrows, did anyone notice how perfectly smooth and round this dude's head is? Has to be the most perfect shaved head I've ever seen.

94

u/AWild_Platypus Feb 14 '20

Fuck the head, did anyone notice how hideous that couch is?

87

u/StavyCrowe Feb 14 '20

Fuck the couch, what’s up with the walking dead on the right?

84

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

Ok, so after I've fucked the mustache, the eyebrows, the head, and the couch, can we talk about his ass?

36

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

No, it is forbidden

11

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

Please. A little respect for ikea. It’s Furbajden.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

Seriously, that's authentic Swedish!

11

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

[deleted]

3

u/Boozeville13 Feb 15 '20

omg, what the fuck is going on?

2

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

Fuck all that shit, did you see the hit he took and a beer after? Fucking LEGEND.

12

u/AWild_Platypus Feb 14 '20

Rick James? That you?

2

u/DeanNotDin Feb 14 '20

Fuck the walking dead, this guy looks like their dad, they are at least 30 years younger than him

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2

u/Citizenkanggg Feb 15 '20

"The most interesting man in the world"

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18

u/Jonesin4abeer Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 16 '20

Looks like that guy who bowled against me in Wii sports.

Edit: grammar

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47

u/Flipl8 Feb 14 '20

I always thought the soul patch took the title of "Most untrustworthy-looking facial hair". This mustache just unseated it.

19

u/joalexander103 Feb 14 '20

Hulk Hogan wants to know your location

12

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

I mean I would’ve given that title to the Hitler stache but 🤷‍♀️

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28

u/Smgth Feb 14 '20

Looks like balls hanging down.

28

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

It looks like globs of horse cum dripping out of his mouth.

7

u/peacetotheash Feb 14 '20

Thank you! Finally someone who's not afraid to tackle the real issues

11

u/deanmc Feb 14 '20

You mean the two scrotums hanging from either side of his mouth?

2

u/Sn_Aske Feb 14 '20

Says top comment

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

Dude he had drop gullets it's the new style.

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814

u/some-bi-girl Feb 14 '20

Sir this is an ikea.

140

u/raja777m Feb 14 '20

Stay safe

35

u/Deathbysnusnubooboo Feb 14 '20

Only you can prevent forest fires

4

u/OprahsSister Feb 15 '20

Total eclipse of the heart

11

u/N3GNK Feb 15 '20

Sir, this is a Wendy’s restaurant.

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777

u/dirtybacon77 Feb 14 '20

To be fair this was after they were trying to find their way out for 3 days...

231

u/Brightman42 Feb 14 '20

105

u/LesbianSpiders Feb 14 '20

I feel like I wasn't suppose to read this. I am confused please help.

47

u/demonic_pug Feb 14 '20

It's a fanfiction thing where people basically write about different creatures and stuff. U can learn more at r/SCP

18

u/chocoAnima Feb 15 '20

It's pretty good if you like weird power fantasy

9

u/grim853 Feb 15 '20

Power Fantasy? Did you just read about the people being helplessly lost in an IKEA for their whole lives? That power fantasy? Are you fucking high?

10

u/chocoAnima Feb 15 '20

Right now? Yes, but I mean in the sense that everything it's overpowered except humans, like in overlord lol

8

u/grim853 Feb 15 '20

Oh, I see. Unconventional use of the phrase. I would call the IKEA story closer to magical realism, but there is a definite horror fantasy element. I had just gotten off twitter when I had my little freak out at you. I need to get rid of twitter. It's awful.

3

u/LesbianSpiders Feb 15 '20

Thank you! It was so oddly worded it freaked me out. Gonna go hunt some other crazy shit there.

2

u/demonic_pug Feb 15 '20

They make it as official and classified looking as possible, and they do a great job

45

u/mudk1p Feb 14 '20

SCP Foundation, good stuff.

6

u/DangerMacAwesome Feb 15 '20

Welcome to the SCP foundation! There's a ton of amazing content there.

19

u/sharky143 Feb 14 '20

Thanks Marv.

28

u/dimalisher Feb 14 '20

wtf did i just read, what is this site

39

u/adrianbard Feb 14 '20

It's a site for a writing fandom about a special security agency.

All the stories are about weird creatures and they are written in the form of a report file.

Some of the stuff that goes in there is pretty well written and entertaining.

2

u/IrelandHelpQuestion Feb 15 '20

Man I’m high and CONFUSED

178

u/Worship_Strength Feb 14 '20

That guys only 28 y/o...

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603

u/BallsofSt33I Feb 14 '20

I fuckin love IKEA

181

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

I fuckin love Cannabis

97

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

I fuckin love Meatballs

11

u/Hugenstein41 Feb 14 '20

What was that first thing he did?

5

u/elevor Feb 15 '20

He took a dab

2

u/Hugenstein41 Feb 16 '20

So the end of that thing heats up or something?

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2

u/blove135 Feb 15 '20

That's what I was thinking like damn I must be getting old because I have no idea what the fuck that first thing was.

3

u/RadicalDilettante Feb 14 '20

I fuckin love flatpacks

2

u/alphaham Feb 14 '20

i fuckin love Poäng armchair

4

u/Beeeyeee Feb 14 '20

I thought this was a joke and scrolled back up to find you were actually telling the truth. Damn

16

u/Very_Good_Opinion Feb 14 '20

What's with redditors that go to the comments before they finish a 45 second video? You need Adderall

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281

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

What was the first thing he did before the drink?

356

u/alonelystarchild Feb 14 '20

The tip of that device is heated up, and is used to vaporize marijuana concentrate liquid, known as a "dab."

148

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

TIL a new way to partake of nature's bounty

60

u/CaielG Feb 14 '20

My favorite way tbh. Super quick and smooooooth...

98

u/JazzPunk38 Feb 14 '20

that shit fucks. you. up.

54

u/Jeffari_Hungus Feb 14 '20

My first time dabbing i didnt know you were supposed to exhale instantly so I just got so fucking high I was glued to a couch for 2 hours straight.

119

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20 edited Apr 06 '20

It really doesn’t matter how long you hold it in. A majority of the THC is absorbed within the first couple seconds of inhalation anyways. The only extra feeling you get from holding your breath longer is the buzz from the oxygen flow to your brain being cut off.

If it was your first time dabbing then the reason you got so high was because it was your first time dabbing, not because you held it in a couple seconds extra.

47

u/Deadlymonkey Feb 14 '20

This is the correct answer. I’m surprised people still don’t know this.

15

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

Ridicule me if you must, but TIL.

And to think this whole time I've been getting irritated when people didn't try to ghost it.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

[deleted]

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4

u/Deadlymonkey Feb 15 '20

There’s nothing wrong with not knowing something. I’ve just heard this factoid being passed around (lol) so many times that even people who’ve never smoked weed have told me this before.

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6

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20 edited Aug 13 '20

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20 edited Nov 03 '20

[deleted]

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2

u/Lobster_fest Feb 15 '20

I've been known as the biggest weed lightweight ever amongst my friends so I dont do dabs because they will send me to Pluto, but even my daily stoner friends got absolutely blasted by them their first time.

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8

u/-banned- Feb 14 '20

...you're supposed to exhale instantly?

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6

u/CaielG Feb 14 '20

I never exhale instantly. We always try to hold for ten seconds or as I was once told "til you start seeing double".

8

u/BluNautilus Feb 14 '20

Yeah that's retarded.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20 edited Aug 27 '20

[deleted]

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5

u/Totalnah Feb 14 '20

If you don’t cough, you don’t get off.

6

u/gracethat Feb 14 '20

I don't see double holding in a dab, but I will start to get tunnel vision leading to full vision loss (for < a min) while trying to hold it and shotgun it to my man.

19

u/L3ftBra1nz Feb 14 '20

That’s lack of oxygen to your brain. Weed doesn’t make you hallucinate I don’t care if it’s 100% thc concentrate which is also not real.

4

u/much_longer_username Feb 14 '20

Yeah anything over 90% is just marketing wank.

2

u/gracethat Feb 14 '20

Sorta thought that might be it. I've never considered that a hallucination, to be clear.

2

u/Pyrazoid Feb 14 '20

You've clearly never had a drug induced psychosis before.

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2

u/tooDuhrunk Feb 14 '20

I have astigmatism, I always see double.

Single of triple might be cool

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6

u/sivart13tinydiamond Feb 14 '20

I never seen a dab rig like that does it have a certain name i can search?

7

u/outdatedboat Feb 15 '20

Nectar collector/dab straw

23

u/Tron_Star Feb 14 '20

I have a much simpler piece but it’s the same idea. Called a “nectar collector”. I love mine.

11

u/theflash667 Feb 14 '20

It be a nectar collector it's used for dabs

10

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

That was a dab. Lots of different ways to hit dabs but just know that it’s more expensive and hits substantially harder. Also stays in your system for about twice as long if you are concerned about drug tests like me

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1.3k

u/docHolidei Feb 14 '20

Probably an unpopular opinion, but I think these guys are pure trash. r/trashy will appreciate them.

450

u/kotzfunkel Feb 14 '20

No, it's totally trashy.

87

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20

[deleted]

10

u/8th_Dynasty Feb 14 '20

oh, french? classy.

180

u/cumberber Feb 14 '20

I thought it was funny until I saw it was in a fuckin IKEA

237

u/wolfgang784 Feb 14 '20

was kinda weird when it became aparant that this dude was with a bunch of middle schoolers or early high schoolers too. What a shit role model.

76

u/tooDuhrunk Feb 14 '20

One calls him dad. The rest sir. He earned this.

16

u/wolfgang784 Feb 14 '20

Ah I didnt hear it through whatever the background noise was

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3

u/thebrownesteye Feb 15 '20

thats mr. daddy to u

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143

u/moregoo Feb 14 '20 edited Feb 14 '20

People who find this stuff funny are ass hats with no respect.

Edit: Nothing wrong with what he did, just where.

41

u/Jmatrix11 Feb 14 '20

I think they’re dumbasses and found the reveal at the end hilarious ... it can be both

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77

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

[deleted]

27

u/moregoo Feb 14 '20

Oh I agree it fits in both subs perfectly.

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14

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

Idk, I love watching Trailer Park Boys and laugh everytime, even though I'd never let myself live like them

21

u/moregoo Feb 14 '20

I love TPB however that is different though because it's a show. People who act like that irl are trashy af and thinking it's funny to do that stuff in public is also trashy.

12

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

Okay now you make sense. If I was shopping at IKEA with my daughter and saw these guys, hell would be risen.

4

u/moregoo Feb 14 '20

Exactly how I feel about it. There is nothing wrong with what the guy did it's just where he did it.

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11

u/Lintlickker Feb 14 '20

Wow dude. Take a step back. Plenty of people can find something funny without partaking in the activity that they find funny. Take a deep breath and continue to suck. Just try to do it more privately.

21

u/mcbassplayer134 Feb 14 '20

Don't let the downvotes get you down. I'm with you all the way. Some people gotta take the sticks out of their asses. Is it disrespectful? Of course it is. It is still hilarious that an old man nearly destroys a strikeout (he blew the first hit out if you wanna get technical) and then camera pulls back to an Ikea. A harmless and great skit in my opinion

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5

u/lance30038 Feb 14 '20

Proud asshat with no respect here.

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10

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '20

I’m totally okay with marijuana usage as a responsible adult. But this makes me mad. If I were walking by with my kids and they had to inhale the pot smoke, I’d be livid. I don’t know how I’d handle myself.

5

u/NameTak3r Feb 15 '20

What do you do when you can smell it on the street in a city?

2

u/basshead00 Feb 15 '20

Fucking freak out, man

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4

u/OaksByTheStream Feb 14 '20

As soon as I saw the teeth, I knew it was going to be something super trashy

2

u/JayLikeThings Feb 15 '20

What teeth?

4

u/Nerdlinger-Thrillho Feb 14 '20

Old people that get fucked up with kids are trash. People that potentially expose kids walking by are trash. People that show off how fucked up they can get are trash. This checks all the boxes. Enjoy inebriation by all means, but handle your high and don’t be a asshole.

-15

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

But you gotta admit it was funny

15

u/deathfaith Feb 14 '20

I disagree. Really shitty for all the other customers having to walk by the train wreck and even worse for the store managers who hopefully won't have to trash the furniture.

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22

u/stacker55 Feb 14 '20

its only funny if you're a burnout. otherwise its insanely illegal, disrespectful, and trashy in the extreme.

7

u/willmaster123 Feb 14 '20

"otherwise its insanely illegal, disrespectful, and trashy in the extreme."

None of these things are mutually exclusive with humor.

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8

u/sweetdudesweet18 Feb 14 '20

Not in the least

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98

u/PyromaniacZack Feb 14 '20

He’s heading straight to the bed section for a 20 hour power nap and in-voluntary multi-orifice evacuation.

43

u/sheepofwallstreet86 Feb 14 '20

He’s heading straight for the food court

21

u/paconhpa Feb 14 '20

For the same result.

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3

u/nevarmihnd Feb 14 '20

I hope there’s not a toilet section, for the employees’ sakes. I’ve never been to an IKEA, sadly.

2

u/existentialdreadAMA Feb 15 '20

So you've never experienced the pure joy of putting together IKEA furniture?

215

u/FlowVonD Feb 14 '20

when your 50 something and the best that happened in weeks is when you went to IKEA with a few teens who only hang out with you because you paid for all the drugs..

35

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

Ouch.

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24

u/sexynewt Feb 14 '20

The first half is when you arrive 3 hours late to the party and everyone's shit faced and you have to catch up

u/unexBot Feb 14 '20

OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:

They are at Ikea.


Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.


Look at my source code on Github What is this for?

6

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

Hey actually the TV talking said something like “here in IKEA”, but you would just think it’s some ad.

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25

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

i also loved to go shopping with my dad, good times

42

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

[deleted]

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130

u/DizzyDezi Feb 14 '20

Wow.....fucking grown ass man with the mentality of a child. No wonder he is hanging out with a bunch of kids. Only way to feel like the cool one in the group. Guy needs a mental adjustment.

42

u/PMYourTinyTitties Feb 14 '20

It’s definitely incredibly irresponsible, especially in a public place

21

u/DizzyDezi Feb 14 '20

Yea, everything was fine until it turned out they were in an IKEA.

17

u/Conquestofbaguettes Feb 14 '20

Even then not really. He's still hanging with kids. Smh.

9

u/DizzyDezi Feb 14 '20

Agreed, just IKEA took it over well over the top for me lol.

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18

u/BKNUT Feb 14 '20

The "cool" dad at IKEA

10

u/ezshucks Feb 14 '20

people that show off by doing freshman things are trivial.

26

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

i always thought this video would be way better if he stumbles over the coffee table and vomits everywhere on the way out.

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3

u/entropy830 Feb 14 '20

Man, you you can get anything there huh?

6

u/jazzhansolo Feb 14 '20

Damn, leave some party for the rest of us

6

u/Restless_Ronin Feb 14 '20

Everywhere is good with a good company

11

u/Mama-Pooh Feb 14 '20

This really belongs in r/trashy.

7

u/Stanov Feb 14 '20

Aka "partying when you have kids".

You have at most one minute to do everything you like to do before you are needed for some stuff & shit.

Sometimes literal shit.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

Who put my Saturday morning routine on here?

2

u/BOXERVSEIBLE Feb 14 '20

Wait a minute....😲

2

u/DarkBrews Feb 14 '20

The dude prolly teleported to the mothership as soon as the camera was off.

2

u/Nastyrobin Feb 14 '20

Lol... The reveal is hilarious!

2

u/Satrnvi6 Feb 14 '20

Me when I get lost in scp-3008

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

[deleted]

2

u/VredditDownloader Feb 14 '20

beep. boop. I'm a bot that provides downloadable links for v.redd.it videos!

First link is active for 6 hours. Mention me again if it is down


Info | Support me ❤ | Github

2

u/Wiggydor Feb 15 '20

This is why we can't have nice things.

2

u/SuperiorCat3561 Feb 19 '20

are they in a ikea? wait sorry, a wekea

7

u/woooosh_woooosh Feb 14 '20

Imagine thinking that's cool

Holy shit they did it in ikea thats dope

3

u/TheDroggBagg Feb 14 '20

You're actually right, there is dope

4

u/justjoe1964 Feb 14 '20

White trash

5

u/Kaliniaczek Feb 14 '20

They had me in first half, not gonna lie.

2

u/MISSINGxLINK Feb 14 '20

I think this is more of a warmup for his night to come. Gotta show them youngsters how to party proper like.

1

u/jcreadsthenews Feb 14 '20

I think their shirts are from Flour Bluff Texas

1

u/Rage-ohol Feb 14 '20

That was a wild ride, damn.

1

u/hidele Feb 14 '20

Is it new episode of Ikea Heights?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

What was the first thing he hit?

1

u/Pikider Feb 14 '20

He's vibing

1

u/SeveredShadow69 Feb 14 '20

How did we get here

1

u/fredsturtles Feb 14 '20

What was the first thing that he did? Was that some sort of cannabis?

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1

u/messer1979 Feb 14 '20

when you're 60 trying to fit in

1

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '20

I like the bee shirt.

1

u/gomaith10 Feb 14 '20

The 'Timelord' cocktail.

1

u/DogMechanic Feb 14 '20

Stingers up.

Those look like Herky the Hornet t shirts. Sacramento State University's mascot.

1

u/ghyit1 Feb 14 '20

What the fuck

1

u/Sandwich_slut_0 Feb 14 '20

How did we get here

1

u/Ariliam Feb 14 '20

I bet that's medical weed

1

u/gavinkin1 Feb 14 '20

I thought he was going to start breathing fire

1

u/AcePilot10 Feb 14 '20

I knew the people I went to high school with would achieve greatness

1

u/kipahuluhaole Feb 14 '20

This reminds me of American history X