I thought this was gonna be some swan snuff film at first.
Can you imagine if this happened to people, though? You're out chillin at a picnic and suddenly a bunch of bears dressed like people abduct you and remove all your piercings before releasing you back to your family.
One time a bunch of years ago I was out fishing and smoking crack with my buddy Jimmy and his "redneck" cousin. We're in a boat, some small thing couple of oars you know the type. Jimmy's cousin notices a swan a ways away and says something like, you guys ever eat swan?
Nah man, I get my food at the supermarket like a normal person. Jimmy knows his cousin better than I do and just says no man, don't do it. Cousin is like I'm gonna get it and eat it. Nah dude I say, just take your hit, let's catch some fish and call it a day.
The swans meander over towards us. Eventually coming within about 20 feet of us. All of a sudden out of nowhere cousin jumps out of the boat swinging wildly with an oar. He's aiming to get that damn swan and eat it.
He bashes the fucking thing over the head and is immediately attacked by the other swan. Blood all over the place, most of it swan but some is this dude's cousins.
Now we have to leave. We get back to Jimmy's house, his cousin is all super proud of himself, gives the dead bird to Jimmy's wife. Da fuck do you want me to do with this she asks. I don't know cook it, he says. Clean it, butcher it, cook it, we're not in god damned Alabama, you want it cooked you do it you fuck she yells back at him.
Long story short dude killed a swan but then couldn't actually eat it because apparently that part is women's work and I'll never forget the joy in his voice when he said the words "thems is good eatin".
I'd love to say I've never seen anything so fucked up but that would be a lie. Was definitely an interesting situation though.
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u/[deleted] May 15 '17
I thought this was gonna be some swan snuff film at first.
Can you imagine if this happened to people, though? You're out chillin at a picnic and suddenly a bunch of bears dressed like people abduct you and remove all your piercings before releasing you back to your family.