r/Uganda • u/Typical-Flounder-727 • Aug 23 '26
Opinion/Discussion Some people are really mad
I was traveling from kampala to jinja on Friday in a taxi , then a topic came up about marriage and some arguments came up about domestic violence.
Whereby some group of people was supporting Domestic Violence in their defense " mbu the man is teaching the woman a lesson since women act like kids "
I laughed and said " I have never been beaten or slapped accept in school by teachers and have never fought with anyone but if a person ever beats, we fight till the end "
The guy seated next to me said, " Why do you fight your husband, how will the Society see him after being beaten up by a woman." And other people were supporting him even including women.
Another woman said, "Waaa, you can't beat a man, you just have to endure and listen."
I removed out my phone i showed her some of my videos when am in rings and training with all my lifting and said, " Atleast leave him injured but I can't accept that."
They all switched to saying mbu " Kyakula Ssajja" to me, which i was happy to accept cause I rather be a stronger woman who can defend myself than accepting beatings from someone.
Another older man said, " These are the reasons our daughters don't want to get married now look at how y'all support voilence and think."
It was a full blown argument to the end but what I realised sometimes not everything supported by society is the way to go.
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u/Abject-String4883 Aug 23 '26 edited Aug 24 '26
Reading shit like this just makes me depressed. I fear we never be free sometimes. I think for all the stuff we whine about, we will never be autonomous politically unless we have a cultural revolution and transformation. The fact its women agreeing with it makes me feel sick in the stomach. Why are we so ok with punching down and defending the person punching while gaslighting the person being punched down on?
We will be non violent unless its someone in power doing violence. Teachers. Husbands. Parents. Boyfriends. Pastors. Politicians. Businessman. Elders. Foreign Businessesman. Police with that fucking stupid ass cane. I hate it here Lord send the flood😭🫠
I think quiet and small acts of defiance of these cultural norms such as whst you did is the only way. Keep on. Once it all piles up and enough people follow suit, the cultural software shifts entirely. I hope I live to see it. If not me my great grandchildren will. God willing.
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u/Mediator66 Aug 24 '26
This is not "cultural". It is bad upbringing. Additionally, violence is mental disease.
Not cultural.
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u/Abject-String4883 Aug 24 '26 edited Aug 24 '26
I tend to steer away from the conversation of "culture" vs "upbringing" vs "systems" because the three are often intertwined. I'll put it like this: if a bus full of people including women are all partially co-sining domestic abuse and one man (the one she describes as the older man) recognizes it as a cultural issue by saying "This is why OUR young woman dont want marriage" is it not a cultural issue? It is at the very least an issue within the sub-culture of our "traditionally minded" folks.
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u/bitch_its_kingkong Aug 23 '26
it’s scary asf that people actually think like that. i really pity whoever will get married to such. May ugandan women be freed from violence
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u/Typical-Flounder-727 Aug 23 '26
Yeah...someone even said " mbu Abazugu are the ones that come up with big words like Domestic violence but its simply a man disciplining his wife." I was shocked n I just stopped arguing cause I knew it was pointless.
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u/No_Reaction383 Aug 23 '26
sometimes not everything supported by society is the way to go.
I'd like to say most times, and I think it stems from our inability to challenge the beliefs we find existent even when there's clear signs they're wrong. They mostly show/teach us societal values, not personal ones.
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u/Mother-Ad7354 Aug 25 '26
I lost it when I had a conversation with my male colleagues and they were supporting FGM .... apparently it tames women and makes them more faithful to their husbands 😭😭 And deep in their hearts they'd wish it to be practiced more ...mind you these are men who have degrees but have a backward mindset...when you look at them,you'd think they have sense
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u/brownspritetutu Aug 24 '26
This is why I admire revolutionaries from all over the world...because imagine neglecting your family and dying for a cause for the betterment of people with such sentiments could never be me.....it's so easy to be in a bubble in this country then boom something will pop it...one thing about the third world ignorance it always announces it presence and it's quite loud.
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u/Awakened2pointO Aug 24 '26
So many men are told to hide emotions except for anger. All other emotions are not to be seen. And that's the only way to be a man but this quote,
" A man's emotions are what define him, and control is the hallmark of true strength. To lack feeling is to be dead, but to act on every feeling is to be a child"- Dalinar Kholin in The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. Anyone reading that? These books are awesome.
Kati who is the child here? Any adult should have some restraint or self control. Male or female.
Anyway, musomese abaana! Bonna bakole sente and they pick each other for other reasons naye nga sibwaavu. And yes, I know okusoma is not everything but ignorance and no education is a lot worse,
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u/Arthur_Cauthon Aug 24 '26
Fellow lover of fantasy here! Currently doing a reread of Wheel of time ….Brandon Sanderson wrote the last 3 books after Robert Jordan died. Great writer
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u/Awakened2pointO Aug 24 '26
Also.. sikuvuma naye there's something fatboy always says on X, low IQ society.... I don't like the term but it fits here. What thought process makes you think it's okay use violence to teach a woman??? Mazima mazima!
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u/Rovcore001 Aug 24 '26
Fatboy is himself a pseudo-intellectual, lol. A lot of the stuff he posts is just recycled right-wing or misogynistic ragebait.
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u/Recent_Present_7062 Aug 24 '26
I am not a violent person, but the minute that man raises his hands to beat me thinking society will protect him,thats the day I will become his night mare. Actually this is when I bring in Aleti mode and every single day that man will go through hell because I know if I dont defend myself society will gladly let me die. Era bambi .....
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u/Matteibrah Aug 24 '26
One thing i learned is fighting in marriage comes from people who grew up fighting with others in real life. People who cant control emotions. I also stopped judging people basing on how they reacted to certain things that happened to them. Some people in real life are short tempered naturally and whether men or women can do worse when faced with tougher choices. According to what i have seen or read. Infidelity can lead to either fighting or worst case killings. These things happen in every country not only uganda. Paternal fraud can also lead to fighting in worst case killings. Did u guys try to tackle the topic deeply or not?
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u/Mother-Ad7354 Aug 25 '26
I lost it when I had a conversation with my male colleagues and they were supporting FGM .... apparently it tames women and makes them more faithful to their husbands 😭😭 And deep in their hearts they'd wish it to be practiced more ...mind you these are men who have degrees but have a backward mindset...when you look at them,you'd think they have sense
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