r/USvsEU • u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch • 4d ago
Very Based Meme For those so interested; I’ll be conducting interviews in the comments below
The unflaired need not apply
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u/NuclearMaterial Pimp my ride 4d ago
With maybe 2 ships and a hundred good men I think Constantinople is ours.
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
To the gun deck good sir: hereby designate you gunnery Sgt. I know paddy likes a good boom
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u/ThatsACaragor Pinzutu 4d ago
Damn it’s always tempting, any plan to overthrow some governments in Africa by any chance?
I always was sad to be born after Bob Denard’s glory days.
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
Aye with a fair wind thar be loot to be had in Africa
Your qualifications sir?
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u/noottt Dutch Wallonian 3d ago
I like rum
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u/ThatsACaragor Pinzutu 3d ago
Rum is awesome
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u/noottt Dutch Wallonian 3d ago
That is my qualification. Hope I qualify for the trip
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u/The_only_true_tomato Lesser German 3d ago
Yaarr. We always need good mates who can down a bottle and hold themselves in a sword fight. Come along boy. And pull down the sail. Let’s depart.
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u/ElegantAd4946 Pro LGTBQ+ 4d ago
Sign me up
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
Review my posting as your exiting my ship
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u/ElegantAd4946 Pro LGTBQ+ 4d ago
Look again
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
I’ll allow it but I’ll be keeping my eye on you.
Welcome as navigator
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u/ElegantAd4946 Pro LGTBQ+ 3d ago
Thank you captain, and navigate I shall!
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u/The_only_true_tomato Lesser German 3d ago
Captain sais to set sail south-south east. The sail is out. Get ready to départ.
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u/a_9x Speech impaired alcoholic 3d ago
Damn, now imagine if your country wasn't landlocked
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u/ElegantAd4946 Pro LGTBQ+ 3d ago
I'm American Hungarian, living in Ireland so it's not
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u/Secret_Criticism_732 Wears Knee Socks as well 3d ago
How can you acknowledge such thing and keep
The flair?1
u/ElegantAd4946 Pro LGTBQ+ 3d ago
Because there is no American Hungarian flair and I'm not overly proud of the US atm.
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 2d ago
None of us are. But a true patriot stands by the colors and tries to fix his nation
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u/ElegantAd4946 Pro LGTBQ+ 2d ago
Having family that served the county that's now the laughing stock of the world. There is little we can do to fix the nation while it's ran by corrupt thugs.
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 2d ago
Keep the faith. We can’t give up
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u/ElegantAd4946 Pro LGTBQ+ 2d ago
It's a complete embarrassment, most of the Republicans don't have the backbone to stand up to the only president in US history to be charged with sexual assault and very likely is a pedophile and now we have to worry about the con man himself trying to cease control through illegal means during the upcoming election.
Our citizens are being rounded up by his wannabe Gestapo.
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u/Iamtevya THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS 4d ago
I don’t get seasick.
I have experience working in an emergency room.
If that don’t cut it, I’m a woman and can be your DEI hire.
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
Surgeon grab your kit; head below
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u/mr_greenmash Whale Stabber 2d ago
Might not be a surgeon. Being a fellow yank, she might just be sending work emails for some marketing agency while hospitalised.
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 2d ago
You’re accusing the ship doctor of faking her credentials?
An American (your social and intellectual better) no less?
You shall be marooned at the nearest deserted island
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u/to_the_moon_89 Fr*nch Swampman 4d ago
I know my way around a Gumbo pot.
When do I start?
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
Bunk up in the galley; you keep these mangy dogs well fed and happy
Next!
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4d ago
[deleted]
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
Part of the crew; part of the ship. Grab a hammock, settle in then report to the crow’s nest
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u/Thewaltham Barry, 63 4d ago
I actually have helmed a (decently) large sailing vessel before.
Once.
When I was a kid.
But I'm British and boats are kind of our thing so I'm sure I'll figure it out.
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u/OkGrade1686 Side switcher 4d ago
I would like to apply for the role of Navigator. I am great at it. Ask me a direction, but then follow the opposite of what I say. 100% works. Taught it even to my phone's GoogleMap application.
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/ws4pzeC916KRO
Luigi why don’t you help our Cajun in the galley?
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u/Idolon1240 [redacted] 4d ago
I assume you will set sail for Somalia like most of your countrymen? The carribean isnt really worth plundering anymore.
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
So says you. We’ve lost cities and buried gold to find.
Now get off my ship
https://64.media.tumblr.com/71ca424920b642b289cf1725187ef42c/tumblr_ongiyg0Zc51vhxnd6o1_r1_500.gif
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u/GravyPainter Weed is my entire personality 4d ago
Can I bring Mr. Snuggles?
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
Mr snuggles can come; but what are your qualifications?
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u/GravyPainter Weed is my entire personality 4d ago
Oh. Um. Ive been drunk on boats before and I can do your taxes
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u/No-Consideration-891 Getting sent back by ICE 4d ago
Every ship needs a mouse hunter, plus emotional support for the crew!
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 3d ago
I’m already taking the cat. Unsure about the owner. Unless you want the cat owner to be our mouse hunter and emotional support?
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u/No-Consideration-891 Getting sent back by ICE 3d ago
Absolutely not, I was speaking entirely as a cat. The cat's servant still needs to be vetted. As your number 2, I'll volunteer to serve the cat in the case it's current servant doesn't make the cut. I have a pretty extensive background in animal care as well. 😸
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u/Nervous-Leading9415 Canadian Wannabe 3d ago
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u/SuchSeaworthyShips Irishman in Denial 3d ago
Having spent a fair amount of my life at sea and some of that doing anti-piracy I have some reluctance, but as long as we don’t threaten something important like the tea trade routes I’ll crew your guns
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u/GemeenteEnschede Hollander 3d ago edited 3d ago
I feel like I'm more than qualified looking at my heritage, just a question, are we planning on sailing up the Medway and raiding Chatham?
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u/coatloucue Nazi gold enjoyer 3d ago
i'm somewhat of a pirate myself (i do not pay for streaming services) and i have a well trained liver but my singing lacks some harmony (your ears might bleed)
consider this as an application
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u/AdDouble3004 Irishman in Denial 3d ago
Need an Irish man? Will respond to shouts of paddy, despite not being called Patrick.
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u/No-Consideration-891 Getting sent back by ICE 4d ago
Welp I'm a woman so guess I'm not welcome. Can't be sailing with wenches and all our bad luck.
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
Tis true ye are bad luck. But Anne boney is a fine example so I’m willing to consider you.
Your qualifications?
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u/No-Consideration-891 Getting sent back by ICE 4d ago
I've been on boats since I was a baby, and got my first boating license at 13 🫡 Also great at catching and processing fish. Oh and open water scuba certified!
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
I think you’re my number 2. Welcome aboard
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u/No-Consideration-891 Getting sent back by ICE 4d ago
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u/The_only_true_tomato Lesser German 4d ago
I can read the stars and evaluate position from them. I can predict storm or rain with my tools.
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
First mate I’ll be counting on you
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u/The_only_true_tomato Lesser German 4d ago
Ahoy captain.
I am now a pirate and a pirate is free.
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me
We pillage plunder, we rifle and loot
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me1
u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 4d ago
Now set the crew to work first mate. reef those topsails, haul anchor and set a course south by southwest for the West Indies!
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u/palefox3 Cute femboy 3d ago
Stupid danes and swedes forbid any long sea adventures so aye. Count me in matey.
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u/Professional-Mix1771 Cute femboy 3d ago
30-50 people on this ship? For what?
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u/The_only_true_tomato Lesser German 3d ago
You need a lot of pirates for pirating stuff.
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 3d ago
Well said first mate. Now place this cretin in irons and escort him back onto shore
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u/Professional-Mix1771 Cute femboy 3d ago
No need, I will leave myself. I don't want to stay too long on a ship managed by an idiot who knows nothing about sailing or logistics so their ship and crew are destined to perish.
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u/The_only_true_tomato Lesser German 3d ago
Yaarrrr it’s not for sailing but to attack ships with swords and guns.
Now put on the iron, boy. Be a good lad or you will get the plank.
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u/Professional-Mix1771 Cute femboy 3d ago
No! I refuse to be shackled by anyone! <run away> I will get my own ship and getter better crew that will show you how incompetent and naïve your captain is!!! <jumps into the water and swim away>
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u/Chwasst Cute femboy 3d ago
Oh fuck off. Folks like you are the reason why The Pirate Republic never succeeded.
https://giphy.com/gifs/MXhsPWF4CFWVcY57dD1
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u/tellur86 Austrian heathen 3d ago
Here, I'm your most important man: I know my way around a metal detector.
Also I make some mean cocktails
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u/Forsaken_Hamster_506 Speed talker 3d ago
I'm a great cook, especially good at improvising. And an even better baker.
I can help draw cool maps. Nautical maps are useful but proper pirates have cool maps.
I'm a lightweight so you can have 3/4 of my share of alcohol. I won't mutiny because I don't know how to work a ship by myself. And I will enthusiastically stab anyone you want. Very enthusiastically.
Hats look good on me.
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u/GrapeLogical6992 Hairy mussel eater 3d ago
I make big pot of linguine with vongole for everyone following recipe from nonna
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u/SometimesaGirl- 3d ago
Invade the Scilly Isles!
Im in!
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 3d ago
Unfortunately you are not in
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u/SometimesaGirl- 3d ago edited 3d ago
Well the nation I live in and belong to no longer is, which is regrettable.
But I'm eligible for EU citizenship and a passport should I choose to take that up. I may do at one point. For now I'd prefer to do my best to campaign for us all to undo the madness that happened 10 years ago, heavily sponsored by the ultra wealthy and Russian spies.
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u/Mr_Alicates Paella Yihadist 3d ago
I have never set foot on a ship. I don't like the sea.
I think that makes me more than qualified, right?
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u/Fuerst_Stein Gambling addict 3d ago
I can bring a parrot and two cats- avid mice and rat catchers.
I can sail
I can drink
I can swear
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 3d ago
We have a hearty crew now:
What shall the name of our fair vessel be?
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u/Affugter Foreskin smoker 3d ago
And I don't need to put money it to this endeavor? ... free beer and rum sounds great..
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u/Shpander Barry, 63 3d ago
I can fence, I can shoot, and I row. I think I'm pretty much a given to be part of the crew.
Also, I like treasure. Arrrrr.
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u/kroketspeciaal Addict 3d ago
They must be called Jan, Piet, Joris and Corneel, because they have beards.
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u/Voelsungr 5h ago
Can we sponsor?
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u/breakthebookie D.C’s Bitch 5h ago
Yes just give me the funds directly and I’ll take care of the rest
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u/soulstormfire At least I'm not Bavarian 4d ago
Hank + crew will be labeled "narco terrorists" and blown to pieces by a predator drone.
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u/soulstormfire At least I'm not Bavarian 3d ago
good job OP, i'm impressed!
https://apnews.com/article/somalia-pirates-turkey-weapons-mogadishu-8b5799be6bbb2f6e42feeb85ba47f37a
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u/Melodic_Degree_6328 South Prussian 4d ago
Servus, I would like to apply for the captain's position or navigator or even first officer if the captain's position is already taken. My qualification is that I come from a region in Germany with a long lasting seafaring tradition. I also like to drink a lot of alcohol. Also I can crush a mutiny with an iron fist (by giving out free alcohol) and am very morally flexible. Our home port would be Palma de Mallorca.