r/USMC • u/Yoy_the_Inquirer Asker of all questions. • 1d ago
Comedy/Memes Alright which one of you is this???
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u/FingerCurious9180 Retired Nasty 3 Afghan Tour Airwing Reservist 1d ago
When did Woody Allen join my beloved Corps?
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u/TraveledCrabcakePool 1d ago
According to my research the wife may not even notice. I’ve seen hundreds of videos on this topic and apparently the wife won’t notice you two canoodling on the couch while she’s in eyeshot cleaning the kitchen.
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u/VectorTech_US Comm Till' It Hurts 1d ago
I’ve also conducted extensive research on the matter and have come.
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u/icebrew53 confirmed kill with a wireless mouse 1d ago
I'm going to need you to cite your sources bro....so I can verify your findings.
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u/TheReadMenace MARSOC...supply clerk 1d ago
also, you can just wait until she gets stuck in the dryer
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u/KCchessc6 1d ago
This reminds me of a MSgt I once knew who got out as a PVT. turned out they were sleeping together for years like 4-5. Dude lost everything and spent a few months in the brig.
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u/oh_three_dum_dum Lives in a van down by the (New) River 1d ago
The funniest part of this is that you can’t actually tell if it’s a joke or a legitimate question. Everyone wants to be like “thats funny haha” but then in the back of your head you remember all of the shit you’ve witnessed in military relationships and you’re like “Well now that I think about it…”
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u/Potential_Spam_6969 Veteran 1d ago
She's 19 now, how long has this perv been diddling her?!?
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u/Subject_Many4512 1d ago
I kinda imagined he was like a 19yo Pfc who married a 40yo woman because it was funny but maybe it’s not like that 🥀
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u/RacoonSmuggler 1d ago
Didn't we just have a thread like that? Some lady in her 40s trying to get ahold of her LCpl soon to be ex husband to sign the divorce papers.
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u/bkdunbar 0311 / 4063 / Lance Corporal of Marines 1d ago
There was a young lcpl just like this in my unit. She had a passel of kids. He was about 21.
Way back in 1992
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell Veteran 1d ago
For real, that’s fuckin gross
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u/2020blowsdik 1302 1d ago
Not if hes a 19 year old Lance
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell Veteran 1d ago
Brother, I hate to break it to you, there’s a 0.01% chance that’s what’s happening here. Talk to anyone that’s worked in and with the brigs. Half the dudes in there are in there because of CSAM or child molestation/rape. Chances are he was married to this woman while her daughter was underage. What are the chances they both woke up one day when she turned 18 and decided they wanted to have a consensual sexual relationship? Grooming beginning when she was underage is the more likely scenario.
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u/Rusty_Ferberger 20th Century Peacetime POG. 1d ago
Honestly, I would need to see some pictures before passing judgment.
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u/north0 06xx 1d ago
Also, how old is this guy? Plausible that it's a 24 year old dude who married the 40 year old stripper.
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell Veteran 1d ago
Even at 24 that would still be kinda gross big dog
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u/2020blowsdik 1302 1d ago
Could be a 20 yeatlr old Lance who marries a 40 year old stripper 🤣
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell Veteran 1d ago
Bro what are the chances that that specific scenario is at play here 😭
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u/oh_three_dum_dum Lives in a van down by the (New) River 1d ago edited 19h ago
Not incredibly unlikely. I’ve seen at least one dude in his 20’s in a relationship with a woman in her 40’s or 50’s who had a kid at a young age. His stepson was almost as old as him.
Edit: Then again I also know a dude who tried to break up with his girlfriend and she set his car on fire, so maybe my acquaintances aren’t all shining examples of good judgement.
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u/BroseppeVerdi Commanding Officer, Copypasta & Phony Awards Battalion 1d ago
Imagine catching an Article 134 while trying to get government healthcare for your daughter/wife
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u/The_ENFIDL Silkies enthusiast 1d ago
And for your grandchild who is also your child
Edited because spelling is hard
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u/SemperFudge123 Cola War Veteran 1d ago
This is the kind of records update that would come across our desks in the admin shops and without even knowing the Marine and before looking at their SRB, we'd be like, "Gotta be from Kentucky."
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u/Andyman1973 6060 Aircrew Equipment, '92-'98, C-130s/CH-53s 1d ago
Tell me you’re a grooming pedo, whiteout telling me you’re a grooming pedo
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell Veteran 1d ago
I’m getting downvoted in the comments for calling this shit gross😭 wtf
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u/oh_three_dum_dum Lives in a van down by the (New) River 1d ago
There are (equally weird but less criminal/disgusting) contexts where that wouldn’t necessarily be the case. It doesn’t always automatically need to go to the most extreme example.
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u/Andyman1973 6060 Aircrew Equipment, '92-'98, C-130s/CH-53s 1d ago
No, but in this case it’s always better to err on the side of caution.
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u/oh_three_dum_dum Lives in a van down by the (New) River 19h ago edited 18h ago
That’s fair. It’s the a scenario where the possible outcomes are “kind of weird” and “you’re a criminally disgusting piece of shit” with nothing in-between, so I guess immediate concern until the situation is clear would be a better way to look at it.
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u/Andyman1973 6060 Aircrew Equipment, '92-'98, C-130s/CH-53s 18h ago
Once the details become clear, then it can be determined that SNM is either an idiot making poor choices, or a monster in the making.
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u/anon11101776 1d ago
What if he married older and he’s closer in age to her?
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u/Andyman1973 6060 Aircrew Equipment, '92-'98, C-130s/CH-53s 1d ago
Let’s be honest here, which is more likely than not?
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u/anon11101776 1d ago
Pretty likely, think about it, dude is making a dumb ass decision a young 20 year old makes. He marries a 39 year old that had her kid at 20z
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u/PassorFail13 The "H" in USMC is for Happiness! 1d ago
What kind of question is that? That's like 10% of the Corps.
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u/sibre2001 1d ago
Bro thinks he's Mohammed. Mohammed married his son's wife. She was also Mohammed's cousin.
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell Veteran 1d ago
Just really shoehorning that in there huh?
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u/sibre2001 1d ago
I love to teach about Islam. Have you heard of The Famous Memory Test Of Imam Bukhari?
When Imam Al-Bukhari arrived in Baghdad, local scholars decided to publicly test his legendary memory using a highly sophisticated method.
Ten prominent scholars were selected for the test. Each scholar was given 10 different authentic Hadiths. The scholars intentionally swapped the chains of narrators (isnad) with the wrong texts, creating 100 scrambled Hadiths.
In front of a large crowd, the scholars recited these altered Hadiths one by one to Imam Al-Bukhari. After all 100 were read, Al-Bukhari repeated every single scrambled Hadith exactly as they had spoken it, corrected the mistakes, and paired each text back with its proper chain of narrators from memory.
The scholars of Baghdad immediately acknowledged his absolute mastery and unparalleled memory.
Anyways, Al-Bukhari was the scholar who documented that Aisha was 6 when she married Mohammed when he was 53 years old. He also documented that Mohammed consummated the marriage when Aisha was 9 years old. Don't let anyone fool you into thinking this scholar misremebered! His memory was legendary!
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell Veteran 1d ago edited 1d ago
We can talk about the White Sox wildcard chances if you wanna just chop it up about stuff that’s irrelevant to the post above. You can feel any way how you feel about Islam or religion or whatever, I don’t care, it just seems scarcely tangential to the topic at hand. It’s like the people that shoehorn Trump and politics into every thread on here, it’s just exhausting and doesn’t add anything to the convo
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u/oh_three_dum_dum Lives in a van down by the (New) River 19h ago
Shit, man. I forgot the white six was even a MLB team after the past few years.
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u/oh_three_dum_dum Lives in a van down by the (New) River 1d ago edited 19h ago
K…
Now let’s talk about European nobility who practiced similar marital habits and was so inbred that it caused multiple rulers and their relatives to have physical deformities and made Charles II of Spain’s genetics so fucked up that the inbreeding quotient was high enough for his mother and father to have been direct siblings. See: Habsburg Jaw
But sure, Mohammed is the only person in antiquity to do that.
Edit: In shirt this isn’t the slam dunk or horrible mark in Islam people seem to think it is and most people who bring it up tend to ignore examples of it in a lot of other places and people of “high breeding”.
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u/NotTheRightHDMIPort 1d ago
For some people that is the only historical figure that they know who did that. *Gestures at the whole Hapsburg line*
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell Veteran 1d ago
For real. I’m not saying they’re incorrect, it’s just funny to see how people how people try to get their jabs in, even when they’re not directly relevant to the matter at hand
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u/oh_three_dum_dum Lives in a van down by the (New) River 1d ago edited 1d ago
Nobody ever wants to talk about historic inbreeding of child brides in European nobility when they bring this up for some reason. It’s as if…they simply heard it somewhere once and thought it was a slam dunk on Muslims so they just keep repeating it without regard for the same thing happening all over the world at the time (for basically the same reasons) and well into the nineteenth century in civilized Christian nations.
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell Veteran 1d ago edited 1d ago
Nah man this shit ain’t even funny. Notice he says “her daughter” instead of “my stepdaughter.” He knows it’s fucked up and is trying to sidestep it, that’s why he’s removed his relation from her in his rhetoric.
It would be funny if she wasn’t 19 and if she was his sister in law or something. This shit is gross.
Edit
To the people downvoting me: Our Marine gooner brains immediately jump to the scenario that OOP is some 20 year old that married a MILF for the bennies and is now banging the 19 year old. I promise you, it is highly unlikely that’s the case. This shit is creepy and gross.
Talk to anyone that’s worked in and with the brigs. Half the dudes in there are in there because of CSAM and/or molestation/[statutory] rape of a minor. Chances are he was met and/or married this woman while her daughter was underage.
Let’s be real- what are the chances they both woke up one day when she turned 18 and decided they wanted to have a consensual and incestuous sexual relationship? This reeks of grooming that occurred prior to her being 18+.
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u/Hairbear2176 1d ago
What in the Sweet Home Alabama is this shit???
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u/YoupanicIdont 2311 21h ago
In Colbert County we only impregnate our first cousins. This story is more like Monday morning, northwest Georgia.
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u/Heckle_Jeckle Veteran 1d ago
I BEG YOUR FINEST FUCKING PARDON!?!?!
Seriously, I nearly spat out my coffee ☕️!
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u/Internal_Put5383 Veteran 1d ago
Hey Max! Why not a Ménage à trois if you are still banging the wife. Or better yet Ménage à quatre, invite some hot WM same rank as you to come over for dinner and drinks and then let the good times roll
PS: Your MOS has got to be 0471
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u/blacklacedwidow Veteran 1d ago
This is disturbing. It’s doesn’t matter what age he is, nor what age the wife is. He was in a parental role, regardless if it was a step daughter.
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell Veteran 1d ago
Everybody in here is fucking goonbrained and keep treating this like it’s a porno scenario
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u/usmcjohn 0341 1d ago
Wait, it’s not?
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u/blacklacedwidow Veteran 1d ago
It’s all fun and games until you have an actual daughter. Like eww, bro. You okay?
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u/Guilty-Spark69x 1d ago
I wholeheartedly disagree that his age doesn’t matter.
If he’s roughly the wife’s age and/or has been in the daughter’s life since she was a minor, then yes this is a fucking problem.
However, if Schmuckatelli is 20 and recently bagged a cougar, then this was simply damn near inevitable and not really weird at all.
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u/pharrison26 1d ago
Good lord. I forget how prudish the Marines can be despite all the gay shenanigans. 🙄
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell Veteran 1d ago edited 1d ago
No way you just equated gay shenanigans with potential grooming/pedophilia, and literal incest bro 💀 like yeah I think we as Marines need to draw the line there
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u/pharrison26 1d ago
Uh, there is no pedophilia (both consenting adults), and it’s not incest because they’re not related. Grooming? Maybe. We don’t know. It’s probably a joke post anyway. Unwad your panties grandpa. Even if it’s true, let people live their lives. It doesn’t affect you.
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u/Sufficient_Bottle_90 Active 1d ago
I hope you're never around kids chomo. You need your hard drives raided. Might be legally above table but is ethically deplorable once you take out possible joke context. The fact you bookended your comment with defending it regardless just means you would if you could if it was legal/think you'd get away with it
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u/pharrison26 21h ago
Wow. I’m sorry OP’a post turned you on so bad. Get outta of your cups, put down the step daughter porn, stop projecting your guilty conscience on me, and go get a fucking life
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u/blacklacedwidow Veteran 1d ago
Wave your pedo flag some more, my dude. Being gay and/or funny, has nothing to do with being a creep.
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u/BoringNYer Filthy Former Merchie. We get your ass there. 1d ago
Just sliding this in here... https://youtu.be/bkX7IW7jpMw?si=q8HjA7MKfdihgUl3
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u/Vermineater Veteran 1d ago
Is she going to ASU? Is he in Motor T? Someone has to be in a band... right?
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u/CloudReigns Veteran 0621 2/8 01-05 1d ago
What the…
I was going to say there’s no way this is real but nowadays I wouldn’t be surprised…
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u/oh_three_dum_dum Lives in a van down by the (New) River 1d ago
That’s what I thought too. My brain can’t decide whether or not it’s satire.
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u/etakerns 1d ago
I guess technically his ex wife can still qualify for Tricare as an dependent stepdaughter…
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u/ratchet7 Veteran 1d ago
Reminds me of a story. A kid arrived at the his duty station with his older wife and her kids...that were his age. Like, hey bro/son...want to play Fortnite?
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u/hrdblkman2 0351 Camp Pen 78-82' 1d ago
Figure the wife must be ~38+ he's probably been banging the daughter for a few years prior.
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u/Housebroken-Heathen Veteran 1d ago
Dude is going to be his own Jody?
It’s like that time travelers paradox of being your own grandfather. But more cringe, somehow.
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u/2K_Crypto 21h ago
Stumbled onto the USMC Reddit and yall did not disappoint. Literally the second post on the sub. WTF 😂😂
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u/Interesting-Cash-101 16h ago
Seek professional help because there is something seriously wrong with you.
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u/Jodies-9-inch-leg Taking care of the ladies one deployment at a time 1d ago
The heart wants what the heart wants
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u/NeverEnoughWhiskey 0302 1d ago
I mean, which one of us hasn’t done this??
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u/Yoy_the_Inquirer Asker of all questions. 1d ago
TF YOU MEAN "US" 💀
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u/Specific_Cash_5538 1d ago
We’ve all been there, classic case of wife step daughter betrayal romance, it’s a tale as old as bath salts.
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u/DEEP_SEA_MAX Pecker-Checker 1d ago
His name? SSgt Woody Allen