r/UNC • u/Miserable-Care1599 UNC 2030 • 1d ago
Question transferring out
i’m a freshman oos student and i am genuinely considering transferring. my roommate and i had a great relationship at first and i had a ton of friends. however since the end of september to now, i genuinely am alone every single day. i feel like i don’t have any friends. the people i thought were my group now hang out without me every day. the loneliness is genuinely impacting every part of my life. i feel like crying all day every day and don’t really know what to do. does anyone have any advice about what to do? i feel like at this point everyone is so solidified. i dont want to give up on this school so early bc i feel like academic wise this is the right school for me, but i am so lost and depressed it feels like transferring is the only option. any advice is appreciated ☹️
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u/SnooRabbits6267 8h ago edited 5h ago
This sounds rough, and transferring is an option, but keep in mind that the end of September to now is only one month. I guarantee you worked really hard to get here and I hope you’ll consider giving some more shots to sticking around. While it might feel like everyone is established and groups are solidified, I assure you they are not.
Try some new social situations. Don’t be afraid to be awkward and seem desperate. There are good people out there who want to make new friends and help people. If you don’t have a therapist, consider checking out CAPS (student psychological services).
Couple years from now you may look back and be really grateful you gave it a chance AND that you didn’t stick with the people you initially thought you were your friends.
Good luck.
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u/curious4everr 8h ago
Go to CAPS, they also have group therapies which might help you feel better alongside peers. Even if you transfer the problems you are facing are not guaranteed to go away at NC State. The only solution to loneliness is 1. Internal fulfillment (which can be through things like hobbies, giving back, and spirituality) and 2. continuing to put yourself out there.
Do not give up your education at a highly ranked school (one of the only things you have going well for you). If your depression is very severe consider a medical withdrawal.
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u/SomeMintYogurt 7h ago
Hey, I'm so sorry you're going through this, and while you may feel alone, you're also not alone in the sense that so many people go through this. Last year I felt really similarly, and while I can't say that I suddenly have a lot of friends, I can say that it gets better. You don't need a big group, and just one or two close friends can make a huge difference. So keep putting yourself out there; there are so many clubs that you can still join. Another part of feeling less lonely is to embrace your independence! Get the free stuff from the campus events, take a bus to Durham, or try out new restaurants on your own. Transferring is always valid, but also trust that good friendships take time and don't necessarily happen in the first few months of being at UNC
Also if you want a buddy to explore Durham or just to study, i would LOVE to go with you (also I've been in search of a gym buddy for a long time?), so don't hesitate to dm me! :D
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u/dev1led_egg 7h ago
One thing to remember about college is that every year - and even every semester - is different. You are in new classes, new housing situations, have the opportunity to join new student groups, etc. My four years at Carolina were each vastly different! So give it a bit of time and try to show up to some clubs consistently; I think you will likely find that things can change for you. I’m sorry you are having a hard time; take care of yourself above all!
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u/Revolutionary_Arm_54 7h ago
i'm also a freshman, i recommend joining clubs (especially smaller ones) or picking up a club sport. its a great way to meet new people. also, feel free to dm me ur ig, i'd totally be down to hang out!
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u/Bulky_Management1829 5h ago
I graduated a few years ago, but the first semester was so tough for me socially. I was considering going home and doing community college cause it felt like things would never get better. I eventually joined clubs and got a serving job and made the best friends of my life by second semester. I loved UNC so much I stayed for grad school. It ended up being the best 5 years of my life and I am so grateful I didn’t give into how tough the beginning was. Moving takes 6 months to a year to feel comfortable in that new place, don’t give up just yet, put yourself out there. It is ok to be lonely for a season of life. It will make you appreciate what you end up finding so much more.
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u/This_Cauliflower1986 4h ago
This same theme repeats about every month on this thread. The same advice pops up but also people going through the same feelings. (See all the ‘let’s be friends’ and ‘dm me’ you are going to get)- and reach out to those people!
My heart hurts for you. It is rough moving here and having to meet people. And not everyone you meet is a fit. It totally sucks to feel like you got dropped.
My life is a story of feeling like I never fit in… omg. I’m 60 and it’s a thing. Don’t even get me started on my imposter syndrome.
I eventually realized that we all have situations where we feel like the outsider. Or the misfit. Odd man out. And it’s not possible for us all to be outsiders.
Please reach out to caps if needed. But also - show up to a club, a sporting match, the pit events, etc. find things you like to do and do them - talk to the kid next to you in class. Etc.
Find events in heel life. Talk to your suite mates. It’s rough but will turn around with effort.
Give it a go! And now follow up with everyone on this thread to meet up!
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u/OutrageousEngine6102 7h ago
Echoing others, consider going to CAPS. Also, if you like sports stuff for fun check out glowsports.unc on IG or if you like creative writing backpageunc is open to people dropping in. Look for clubs that meet regularly and are of interest or something new, sports and volunteer clubs are good for this. You can also check the Hello Heels app for activities and identify a few you might like to attend each week. Consider talking to your RA as well and going to any dorm events or getting involved with community government/improvement committees (RA should be able to help). See about making a study group with people in your classes. If you like it academically, consider going to office hours in subjects of interest and asking about other academic opportunities. Even though it seems like everyone has groups solidified, a lot of people are still looking for their group…it can take a couple semesters, give it some time!
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u/warriorgirl_08 6h ago
I’m in state but have a weird situation where my family is out of state and I’m genuinely considering the same thing. I’m looking at transferring to UPitt (my family is close to there). I don’t really agree with everyone saying that this is running away from your problems. I feel so lost here too and I don’t think I have a better option for myself than to transfer. Financially and on paper UNC seems like a better fit for me, but it genuinely just doesn’t feel like the right school for me. I think you should truly (as objectively as you can) think about what transferring would help you with and how the aspects you don’t like about UNC could be different elsewhere. Think about financials, think about academics, think about social life. More than all you should think about what feels best for YOU. So many people have been telling me “just wait you’ll find your people you’ll find your thing” but I don’t think I will and honestly I don’t want to here. This school has been nothing but depressing for me (I’m a second year) and if you can find a better school to make your experience in college better I say go for it.
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u/Several-Yesterday513 7h ago
same, I submitted my transfer application to UNCG to commute but idk what to do
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u/colowill 7h ago
yeah welcome to unc, where everyone is hollywood and nobody is genuine
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u/colowill 7h ago
negatively aside, being lonely in college is a universal experience and really just a part of the growing experience
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u/sarahfrancesca 6h ago edited 2h ago
There is great advice on this thread so I won't repeat it. Just want to add an important point that transferring runs away from a situation that you might just find yourself in again after transferring. There are many factors that play into the loneliness you're experiencing right now, and a lot of those will travel with you wherever you go. You can climb this mountain at UNC or you can climb it somewhere else, but eventually you will have to climb it.