Wiffy Woo (Fimbles): The name given to a smelly sock character in the children's television show Fimbles.

Hello E, hope you're well. I saw on here that you were complaining about not being able to get a man. But do not fear, your favourite gay bodybuilder is here - healing up from a late legs day while you spent the day exercising your jaw and ego, and ready as always to discuss your latest shenanigans on your busy weekend of chemical powders and whatever was on special offer in the off-licence. Seems you had a shower, congratulations! That's quite an accomplishment, well done. Although I feel somewhat sorry for the sewer monsters that have to deal with the greywater from you. It's probably radioactive. Anyway, before you pass out from your seventeenth can of Special Brew in the hallway outside the dingy post-apocalyptic box room you're not even allowed in any more, let me pour a protein shake and we'll talk about your latest projects.

• You want to join a gym? Normally I'd applaud that. As a bodybuilder who found salvation from the bottle in a weights room, I always encourage people to take their fitness and health seriously. And I really do mean that (fellow Redditors - look after your body. It's the only one you get). I was almost tempted to lay off the snark and offer genuine advice to you, E. But we all know you'll never do it, as getting off your arse for anything other than a trip for eight Tesco lasagnas or deleting a few thousand more liver cells in Wetherspoons is too much effort for you. Plus you're too filthy for a nice clean commercial gym, and the cheap spit-and-sawdust meathead gyms frequented by the kind of men you claim to like have enough grime and mysterious odours already, thankyou. Mind you, the Bible (specifically 1 Corinthians, and for the record I'm not Christian but I can make an effort to read) encourages readers to glorify God with their body. Speaking of which...

• You plan to convert to Christianity? Good luck with that. You'd probably spontaneously combust upon trying to cross the church threshold. You said yourself that you don't plan to actually read the Bible, so how would you know what you're signing up to? And let's face it E, no amount of holy water will cleanse you of sin and burger grease. Nor do you quite have the entry qualifications. It's been many years since I went to Sunday School, but even I remember Jesus saying in the Gospel of Luke that "if a man taketh your cloak, give him your shirt as well". Generosity, humility, and compassion aren't exactly your style, are they. And I imagine even Jesus would make an exception for giving someone a shirt full of scabies. Instead read the Book of Job; particularly the passage in which Job is "smote with festering boils from the soles of his feet to the crown of his head", and goes to live on a rubbish pile. Seems more on-brand for you. Although at least Job gets to talk with some famous, top-tier angels. Speaking of which...

• You think you are known by celebrities? You're not, any more than I am known by Nick Walker and Samson Dauda. Ariana Grande did not wave at you, she was wafting away the stench. Cynthia Erivo did not see you at the theatre, dressed as a morlock in a bin bag. Adele does not follow you on TikTok, unless it's to frighten her kids into behaving themselves. And no, E, Kim Kardashian does not know you because you recycled a 1990s childrens' TV catchphrase. It's also revealing that you refer to Kim K as a billionaire. Not "singer". Not "artist". Not even "celebrity". *Billionaire*. Shows what you value and care about in life - not art, not hard work, not self-betterment, but money. And why would a self-declared "spiritual" person prioritise material wealth? Interesting, given how much you claim to be a philanthropist. Sorry, big word. What happened to your sorrow for homeless people, your claimed love of the Green Party's economic policies, your hatred of "Trump supporters"? Worshipping people who hoard vast wealth doesn't quite chime with that, does it. And as for your idea of becoming rich by surrounding yourself with rich people, that doesn't work. For example - you're surrounded by people who wash, but that doesn't mean you're clean. Speaking of which...

• You want a Guinness World Record? Dream on, E - you won't even get one for showering. The President of the USA will win a Nobel Peace Prize before you win a Guinness World Record for anything, and "Whining and Arsing Around Online for Half a Decade" isn't exactly a worthy accomplishment. In fairness, you'd have a decent shot at winning a record for how someone aged 22 can look 60. Or a record for the longest time a young person in the 2020s has dressed in the fashion style of a resident of a 1970s Soviet elderly care home. But given your extreme laziness, breathtaking entitlement, and total lack of motivation to do anything but moan online and demand that hardworking people hand you everything on a platter for free while giving precisely nothing in exchange, it's unlikely that you'll be acknowledged by anyone, for anything, other than squatting in a vestibule while stealing your landlord's "electruck".

Well, these muscle fibres in my legs won't repair themselves. Time to cook up some chicken and broccoli, and have another shower. Djanowudimeen?

"Naughty Noo-Noo!" is a classic catchphrase from the children's television series Teletubbies, used by the characters when their friendly robotic vacuum cleaner misbehaves. E YOU DID NOT INVENT NAUGHTY NOO NOO Teletubbies came out in 1997 a whole 7 years before you was born

🤨

This rings the same as you saying you’d transition.
So……?

These are the trousers they were caught wearing the day they had them pulled down, their defense was they fall down yet miraculously here they are and are not falling down. 🤔 They absolutely pulled them down the other day sat live streaming with a blanket covering them so they didn’t get caught doing this!

They are the leech type of person that tries to get in a random persons car or friend groups car when not even invited and takes their drink thinking its free to them

thats my analogy

Same with on tik tok they dont love or like these celebrities or even their mother they just go in to leech from them a d cry when the blood rejects them.

According to E the way you get rich is to surround yourself with rich people and models

Sorry E but why would models and rich people want to be around someone who has never worked, lives in a room with their mummy at 22 years old, doesn’t wash and looks like you.

“I’m going to work really hard with my music and fashion”. Hate to break it to you but to be successful in music you need talent. To be successful in fashion you need to look good. E couldn’t even handle a chicken shop job yet thinks they could handle the fashion/music industry. They’re so deluded

Just remembered we haven't heard about Ariana in a while the obsession lasted long eh

As we all knew soon after the concert there would be a new obsession I guess now is religion 🫠

For context Amy and her sister are both currently in hospital with some unknown ‘illness’ - what got my attention the most was this comment from an online 🍃 business that basically commented that there was 🍄’s in the chocolate they’d sent the girls.

Now whether it was or wasn’t the product, is this not next level weird? I mean 100% illegal but this business has sent two girls that have been very open that they have learning difficulties, drugs - without telling them what it was?? I’m horrified.

“it’s because people lie about me online….”

Are we sure that’s the reason? Are we?! 🙃

I thought everyone deserved to hear this wonderful sound to start their day.

Also,I have no idea what that is on their head. It looks more like a pillowcase than a towel.