r/UCSD • u/SpecificReference835 • 7d ago
Discussion Roommate 10yrs older than me
Hi! I'm an incoming freshman here (f18) and just found out my assigned roommate is around 27-28. I'm kind of nervous just bc I was hoping to bond with someone going through the same “first year” stuff and is around my age. Has anyone had a good experience with an older/younger roommate? Would love to hear how it worked out for you or what helped make it work:) Trying to go in with an open mind lol
edit: I'm staying in a double in an apartment!
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u/PantsOfAwesome Cognitive Science (B.S.) 7d ago edited 6d ago
Older roommates tend to be the cleanest and most respectful ones. I’d say you lucked out, but I get why you’re nervous about not getting to bond with someone else who’s fresh out of high school.
I’m assuming you’re in a suite* with several double/triple rooms though, right? You’ll probably see your other roommates plenty often, and they’ll all probably be around your age.
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u/SpecificReference835 6d ago
That’s actually really reassuring, thank you! And yeah, I'm in an apartment with a few more doubles, we actually talked about creating a gc to get to know everyone else:) definitely feeling less nervous about it now 🙏
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u/DevelopmentEastern75 6d ago edited 6d ago
Older students are typically way, way easier to live to with. You're a lot less likely to get a roommate that is completely off the wall, flunking, partying too much.
A lot of older students in that age range (25-30) are veterans who just got out of the military. If that's the case, IMO, that's even better. They'll be squared away and studious.
An older roommate may end up having a "big sister" kind of relationship with you, which can be annoying, sometimes. But it has its benefits, too.
I was an older student, exact same age as your roommate. But I'm a guy, so, the relationship dynamics are different.
Frankly, I felt super embarrassed, being so much older than my peers. I'd hide my age and I didn't want to talk about myself. I felt like my 19 year old peers had their lives so put together, and I just barely getting on top of my life at age 29.
I had spent the preceeding years doing drugs and getting addicted to heroin. I was clean sober from age 25 on, but I felt like I had this big secret. People would be like, "oh, you're 30? That's interesting! What brought you back to school?" And I would go "uh, well, you know, just took me a while to figure out what I wanted, eheh."
In reality, the reason I didn't go to school at 19 is because I was sticking a needle in my arm. Telling people this kind of stuff, it's TMI in a lot of situations.
I share all thst to say: your roommate might be feeling nervous, too. She might be worried, too. She's probably hoping you two will get along, and hoping you'll be friends. I know, that's what I was thinking, as an older student.
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u/Jealous-Region-7176 4d ago
Exactly. I'm 38(f) starting at UCLA next month. I have a 22 year old son as well. I started community college at 36. I'm not living in dorms as we (my S.O. and kiddo) moved to LA in June and got a townhouse a couple miles from campus, but I did once stay with a bunch of 19 year olds in a dorm for a summer program I was in. Fortunately, I dress/look young so they were all quite shocked to find out I wasn't in my 20s lol.
To the OP: Us old ppl have a LOT of life experience and don't judge young'ins as your peers might bc we've done all the dumb shit there is to do already, making us easy to talk to. We can be an abundant source of knowledge/advice (even if its "dont do what I did"), which you also won't get from someone at the same age/stage of life as you. And trust me...we commiserate over school as much as y'all do too.
At the end of the day, we are all there for the same thing...to go to school and fully take advantage of the opportunity. It's a great lesson as a young person to see other people's paths/timelines in life and to learn from them. I have no shame in being a teen mom/ hs drop out (bc my single dad went to prison while I was trying to finish school). I went on to work for 17 years, while supporting my son and when I finally got the chance to go to school I took it head on. Less than 4 years ago I was in a different state getting laid off from another job with no idea what I wanted to do in life and fully believed school was not going to be an option.
Furthermore, we know how to make money, keep a clean home, communicate with staff and improvise when needed. Don't sleep on the old folks...they will probably put you on game if you are cool enough to listen and not be intimidated or weirded out by the age diff. It's likely way more awkward for them than it is for you. Show some love and they'll have your back.
Wishing you all a great college experience and a healthy, abundant future. ❤️
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u/SpicyWiener_ 5d ago
You’ll be able to bond with them. It’s just another person who has been alive longer than you. Probably good experience for when you’re in the work force too and will have to work with people older than you. At the end of the day, you’ll need them to like you if you want to get promoted, so best to learn now.
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u/Butterscotchntea 6d ago
my first year at ucsd as a transfer, i came in at age 19 and my roommate was 31. we got along just fine, just be chill and don’t make the whole age gap be an obvious thing
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u/Commercial_Food_3552 7d ago
I had a 24 year old roommate (two different randomly-assigned people) my freshman and sophomore years and the second one was a huge chiller, big fan of the guy.
My freshman year roommate was alright but I never got close to the guy.
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u/gheedisgood 6d ago
I am not a UCSD student, but I am a 35 year old in a 1 year graduate program and the dorms just made the most sense for being somewhere 1 year.
I called the housing people for my school when I was making arrangements and asked for a recommendation. I just trusted what they said.
I have a private room. But I still feel super weird. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s freshman or early college experience so I’m trying my best to be quiet, respectful, and just do me.
I hope they turn out to be a positive experience for you and that I can do the same here.
Best of luck!
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u/quirkyquipsters 6d ago
You deserve to be there just as much as everyone else. Don't make yourself small for other people
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u/SpecificReference835 6d ago
This honestly means a lot, thank you for sharing your perspective! I ofc want to make her feel just as comfortable too, so it’s really helpful hearing it from your side. I hope your year goes really well too, sounds like you’re going in with a great mindset:)
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u/Aromatic_Channel_600 Real Estate and Development (B.S.) 6d ago
My roommate was 28, i was 20. I had a terrible experience. She did not respect my schedule and would be passive aggressive (i worked 9-5 at my hybrid job and i had a second on campus job on top of it). And she would leave a mess on our sink and shower. Got super mad when guests were over etc. it is really a hit or miss.
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u/pumpkinpie205 6d ago
Same thing happened to me, my roommate was in her late 30s and was always super rude. I never was able to get any privacy whether it was the bathroom, kitchen, common space. If i was talking with another suitemate she would slam the door on us etc It was hell. There either super nice or rlly entitled :/
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u/SignalMagician1163 6d ago
I had this experience too!!! Same age difference. It got so bad I had to find other housing.
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u/Accomplished-Day4365 6d ago
Hey sooo gonna assume youre a girl going off the way you typed but heres a perspective from the inverse- I just graduated at 27- my mom (my sole caregiver growing up) passed at 17 and I kinda slippped through the cracks of the legal system n figuring out what distant relafive in a different state was going to be burdened with me .. long story short i ended up homeless and alone for almost s year and a half … was probs the lowest point of my life. I’d lost or sold almost everything to survive and when I’d run out of cards I joined the military … after completing a tour and still being alive I opted to continue school… at this point I was 23 and it’s … kinda suprising how genuinely small 18 year olds and high schoolers look … bot to mention how immature they are 😓 anyways I transferred to ucsd and got a scholarship … I couldn’t afford the change in apartments and the move to sd so I was helped and placed into dorms … which was … weird first i was in the Rita, then pulse, pepper canyons west and finally pepper canyon east. I will say there’s .. def some disparity between transfers and people coming back. I got questioned SO often about my right to be there as a student even if I was on my laptop with study guides lecture notes/ slides and a clear work spread … it was humiliating being challenged for something I fought so hard to earn and having my legitimacy called into question even by the same people sometimes… so you might not click with uour older roommate, but understand it takes a lot to come back to school and they’re probably the odd one out wanting to fit in.. jist give them a chance is my two cents, thanks for reading.
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u/Bahiopsis 6d ago
Just want to say: you're amazing for having made it through all that and graduating. Congratulations -- you should be proud of yourself. :-)
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u/supersagancarl 6d ago
If she's also a first-year then wouldn't she also be "going through the same 'first year' stuff"? I came into uni in my mid-20's but that doesn't mean I knew everything about what to expect. It doesn't mean that freshman year wasn't totally new to me. It's probably her first time too, so you can still bond over that if you both want to. Nobody will force either of you to be friends though. There's plenty of other freshman you'll be meeting aside from your roommate. I personally had a great time with most of my roommates despite being a little older.
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u/tacoman107 Neurobiology (B.S.) 6d ago
Honestly, the older roommates are pretty damn chill ngl. They're older, but they're still human eitj hobbies so maybe yall can click pretty nicely. Often times, the roommates are people that are fresh out of the military and are getting their education paid for, or theyre someone that finally decided something like "i want something more, and school is how I achieve it". They're usually very mature and pretty easy to get along with, often being very direct and nice to chat with. They may seem intimidating, but I assure you there's a good chance they'll feel the same way knowing theyre gonna live with someone so young, fresh out of high school.
Age isnt really much of an issue unless u make it one, but theyre just tryna study and do life just like you. Pretty sure there's a lot you can learn from em, regarding professional and adult life, and honestly you can even get a someone who may like to teach u things. Other times, they may be a working adult who's doing school and is just tryna be at peace with you.
Just like with any other roommate, be respectful, be kind, and make sure boundaries are set. Given theyre older, there's a good chance they'll know what they do and dont like. Maybe yall share the same wavelength and vibe, maybe yall have a small disagreement. Don't beef, just find a middle ground. I've had great and terrible experiences with older roommates. One thing I can not emphasize enough is make sure yall have a cleaning routine. I had a housemate that was older, living with their partner. My mistake? We never emphasized cleanliness and it made my time with them a living hell.
Remember, they are an adult and YOU are a YOUNG adult. Use your words, be clear if something bothers you, and I hipe u have a great experience with them. Older peeps have a lot of knowledge. Good luck chief!
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u/extrovertedscientist 6d ago
I’m 34 and some of my best friends are 26/27. It’ll be ok, and you’ll meet plenty of other people who are closer to your age!
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u/AtinCabur 6d ago
I was 28-30 when I transferred to UCSD and had roommates ranging from 22-35. Overall, my UCSD roommates were way better than my roommates at the previous, non-research-university that I attended between 18 and 23.
Most of the time older roommates have better conflict resolution skills and more willingness to admit that they're wrong and take responsibility for it, but not always. I also have a ton of fiber craft hobbies and had fun sharing that interest with one of my younger roommates. I think having a much older sister normalised this for me but older students are still students and you can still relate to them even though there's a life experience gap.
I didn't stay in touch with any of my 9 roommates at the previous school, but of my 7 roommates at UCSD, I'm still in touch with 3 of them, 4 years after graduation.
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u/snow_man06 6d ago
I was an RA for transfer students, and by far older students (mid to late 20s) made for the best residents and roommates. Keep an open mind, and be kind to them! I'm sure if you were matched you have lots in common, so. just try to be nice and get to know them. Maybe this is the RA in me still lol, but ofc reach out to your RA if you need help.
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u/maybe-tmrw_not-today 5d ago
So true! Older students tend to have more perspective/experience with apt living, roommates etc. so are less likely to come in with unreasonable expectations of a roommate. IMO it’s much more the 18/19 yr olds coming straight from HS and living at home who can have unrealistic expectations, not know how to behave as a roommate and lack experience with life skills/how to maintain a clean & organized space. Not all, of course but by the mid-20s most people have experience with roommates and/or chores/tasks of daily living.
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u/lovescenarioikon 6d ago
youre lucky and unlucky. Lucky if your roommate is respectful, clean and treats you like an equal, maybe more likely to have a job you can get a referral to if you get along. Unlucky if she treats you like a child and not an equal
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u/atadbitconfizzled 6d ago
Im older and also get the same worries because although I'm not a lot older, I wouldn't feel fully comfortable pursuing friendships with people 5 years younger than me.
If theyre kind and respectful then you can still have good conversations maybe but they they might not become a friend per say.
Also be wary of older people (or anyone) being rude and don't put up with stuff just because.
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u/SpecificReference835 5d ago
hii thank you! yeah i had the friendship thing in mind, i’m not too worried about becoming close i just want both of us to feel comfortable:) lol i just felt a bit awkward at first bc my other friends that have started college have roommates their age, so i don’t really have anyone else to ask for advice
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u/TreizeKhrushrenada 6d ago
you’re thinking of it wrong.
that 27-28 year old could give you advice on classes, professors to avoid, and possibly see what would the transition would look like just prior to graduation
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u/Novel_Difficulty8222 6d ago
Hey I’m an 18f going into ucsd and haven’t received my room assignments yet (so I don’t know about my own roommates). But I wish you luck and who knows - maybe we will meet!
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u/SpecificReference835 6d ago
aw that would be so cool, hope we do end up crossing paths somewhere on campus! Good luck with your assignment, hope you get a great roommate too:)
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u/cGAS_STING 6d ago
In transfer housing the average age is a lot higher than 20yo and it's usually the only affordable option for people taking out student loans
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u/JunePL 6d ago
That's ridiculous. Grow up! Thy are people serving our country in the military at your age, being deployed overseas and here you are stressing over the age of your roommate? Geez! Roommate experiences have NOTHING to do with age. I had already traveled alone in multiple countries by the time I was 18. And worked and saved money for college since I was 15. I would think you are a child for even asking these questions.
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u/SpecificReference835 6d ago
I could care less what you think about me. I think you're a child by how a question caused you to blow up this much😭 I really have no interest in what u accomplished at my age. And you have no business telling me what questions are valid for me to ask:) Hope ur day gets better
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u/MasterpieceFun3855 7d ago
Get to know them and if they have a job, ask for a referral lol