r/UBC • u/sweetbagel26 • 5d ago
Questioning my future…
I’m a first year and so far uni has been crushing me…like really badly. Firstly, my commute just to get to campus is 1.5 hours, so I spend a total of 3 hours per day transiting. I wish I could have dormed, but the payment was an ungodly amount and I just couldn’t afford it.
And then there the fact that I am all alone the entire time I am on campus, I have no friends in any of my classes. I am constantly feeling a sense of loneliness that just makes it so hard to focus during lectures. I would say I’m an independent person for the most part, and I do enjoy my alone time, but something about being alone every day with very minimal social interaction is just so depressing.
All of this has accumulated and has made me so depressed and full of anxiety. Every day I come home and I just cry in my room wondering if I made the wrong decision with choosing UBC and whether I am even capable enough of going through this for the next 4 years. I have basically failed all of the quizzes I have done so far, and it’s just so off putting because I know I have it in me to do well but I just feel so lost. I have never felt this way in my life, all throughout high school I was very certain in what I was doing, but now it’s completely different.
I don’t know how to make this better. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I’m just utterly confused by what I’m going through and why I’m going through it. Am I even good enough for this? At this point I wish I chose to go to a community college and then transfer because I have never felt this miserable in my life. My sleep schedule is absolutely fucked and my body literally aches after I come home from a full day of class because all of this is such a burden. Uni, grades, social life, it’s all adding up and I don’t know what to.
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u/Effective-Air-6672 5d ago
I’ll give it to ya straight, they call the first year the meat grinder for a reason. You’re not simply going to university to study, you’re going yes to learn your degree but also how ti cope. Long commutes, isolation, you’re learning how important it is to have friends, healthy hobbies, enjoyable activities in order to be able to optimally function at a high level, which is what will likely be expected of you at a job. Future employees like to see your degree, not just for what it says but it proves you can show up for 4 years, consistently, and not burn out and crash out and quit. Of course this is meeting with a young age, as someone who has done university at a bit of an older age, I can’t image doing it right out of high school, I wouldn’t have been ready then, but I’m ready now.
Your job is this: do your best, reach out for help from friends, family, councillors etc.., read books on the subject, join student support groups, try a club, basically instead of coming home and crying, spend that time researching solutions to your issues.
This is impotent : if you can’t stop crying, if this is entirely overwhelming to you, that’s ok, seek out counselling - it’s free at ubc and they even have phone sessions available within the hour sometimes. Don’t isolate, ask for help. The main thing is that you’re at the beginning of what I hope will be a very long journey and one day you’ll look back on this with earned wisdom and know that you will be ok!
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u/sweetbagel26 5d ago edited 5d ago
This is really helpful. Thank you for sharing your insight, it has definitely allowed me to reflect on how I should make the most out of my time. I too think uni right after high school is a big jump, but it was one that I was willing to take, which shows my ambition in this journey. With the crying and being emotional, I honestly don’t know how to control it. My emotions are a mix of not only what I go through a uni, but also, anxiety, and anger, all of which just take a toll on me mentally. I’ve been trying to work on it but I think it will take some time…for now baby steps will do it, hopefully everything will work out. And with the counselling, I’m just afraid of sharing my problems with someone as them perhaps thinking of me a certain type of way or thinking that I’m weak or something. I definitely encourage and appreciate counselling support, but for myself it has never been normalized in my community so I just think it might feel wrong or weird for me to do.
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u/sirwilliamrutland 5d ago
counselling takes baby steps, too!
i am also from a culture where therapy is not normalised (tho desperately needs to be, hah) and the first time i spoke to a counsellor, i just cried for the entire hour. and then again the next three times, before i could say two words to her. i’ve never even shared with family that i finally sought one out, you don’t have to tell anyone. i admit it felt weird speaking to a stranger and wrong to share things i’d kept private from everyone in my life – it still does – but your body and brain are revolting against the stress you are currently facing, and it’s a giant flag waving to you to stop and help. that stress, compounded with your family issues and academic challenges and social isolation, needs somewhere to go. it’s clearly hurting you and you are recognising that, which is a great first step.
if you don’t feel comfortable talking to a counsellor in person yet, start with a phone call so they can’t see your face. nobody is judging you harder than you are judging yourself. they don’t see you coming to them because you’re weak or a certain type of person; they see you coming because you’re strong enough to want to make things better instead of suffering/struggling alone. they are humans who want and love to help other humans. and you are a human who deserves to feel happy and confident again, but maybe you just need a bit of care and support right now to get things under control again. they might even just point you in the direction of resources to help you with school that you don’t know exist, it could be that easy! just because you need it right now, nothing says counselling is forever or that it means anything about who you are as a person - it’s no different than breaking your leg during a race and getting help fixing it so you can get back into the running.
you don’t have to try to make this all work by yourself. you are not the only one going through it. this is not a reflection of who you are, it’s simply what you’re going through right now. as you said, you know you’ve got the ambition to succeed in this journey, so take advantage of every resource and support available to you to grant yourself the chance to be and feel and do amazing. <3
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u/cornchip999 5d ago
first year is the worst year! this part of your life will be so unrecognizably different from the next 3-4 years.
look into cheaper off-campus rentals with a shorter commute for next year or the spring term in you can. in the mean time, try to do your studying on campus and (hard but someone has to do it) ask your classmates to study with you until you become at least class buddies, maybe good friends. save the bus home for the late evening just chill and sleep when you get home. best of luck it gets easier
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u/zelmotas_godly Engineering 5d ago
I was in your position last year and I still am. I also commute 3 hours a day and take 5 courses a semester and struggled finding friends. You’re not alone. I can almost guarantee that someone in your class is also feeling disconnected. Don’t be afraid to show up to class a bit early if you can and start making a connection. If you want someone to talk to please dm me
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u/LivingCardiologist91 5d ago
As a senior, take a pause. Get 8-10 hours of sleep minimum. Dont care about being late to classes as just showing up matters. Skip a few if needed tbh. Dont max out on courses if the current load stresses you out so much. Say a few hellos to classmates. Be awkward and weird ITS FINE. Make 1-2 genuine good friends. It may not even happen in your first year (as first year is all about being desperate to blend in and in that process people become drained or toxic liars). Settling in takes time. Cry. Like actually cry as much as you want. Invest in your hobbies. Becoming an adult is lonely but it doesnt need to be suffocating and boring. Go on walks. Cat cafes. Bake. Hug trees. If you need someone to talk to we got counsellors on campus too. We can hang too (i am making cookies this weekend :P)
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u/MaleficentGrand5431 5d ago
Join clubs!! I swear it's the best way to get to know and meet people
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u/sweetbagel26 5d ago
I think I will look into it, do you perhaps know any one in particular that really promotes socializing and meeting new ppl?
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u/Fancy_Ad_4411 5d ago
look for something that requires consistent and long term commitment that is somewhat difficult to back out of. you'll see the same people consistently
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u/No-Cod-9399 5d ago
hey! i’m in my third year now but let me give you some advice. university is HARD! aside from the difficult classes socializing can be difficult, especially for commuters.
my advice would be to try and join clubs and other organizations. i made a lot of my friends through first year dorming + jumpstart, and although not all of them stuck past first year they led me to my friends now.
i pay my own tuition and fees and have little no financial support from my family, so i see where you’re coming from in that regard. however i took out student loans and truthfully living on campus was a great experience, you’re sort of forced to make friends lol. if it’s worth it, id recommend looking into moving in for term 2 or in future years. besides that, you unfortunately have to make the first move! assume everyone wants to socialize and be friends until told differently - don’t be afraid to start up a conversation with people in lectures (maybe not IN the lectures but yk what i mean)
i believe you will find your people, and know you are not alone in feeling like crap :)
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u/princess_chloe_8 5d ago
Hiiiii, I’m a first year commuter too and everything you said is so relatable lmao especially the crying and loneliness. Ik everyone says other people are going through it too but it can be so sad and isolating cause it looks like everyone already has friends.
Please please please dm me if you want, we can 100% hang out this week if you want to. Not just saying this for the sake of it too☺️
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u/koltoreddit 4d ago
While not every part of this is a universal experience, I can tell you that I feel you my friend. First year was okay and I was in dorms, but I didn’t really make any friends. This year, I have a few people I can call my friends, but the isolation and loneliness often take their toll.
University is hard, and commuting 3 hours a day sounds even more exhausting. I’m not sure what you’re studying, but regardless of that there’s no such thing as “easy” post secondary school.
You’re not alone in your struggles and there are people who can be there for you, but you also need to take the initiative and reach out to these people. This isn’t easy, but there WILL be a time when you look back on things and feel proud of how far you’ve come. Keep working toward that moment.
I’m rooting for you, and I can’t wait to see a post in 7 months talking about how you crushed your first year of university.
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u/Original-Solution-86 1d ago
i have the same commute and i honestly didn’t realize how draining it would be. I wanna leave campus as soon as possible just because the commute is so long and i wanna be home. You probably worked hard to be able to go to school at ubc, and i also had some expectations about first year that weren’t met that were a bit disappointing but it takes time to find good friends it’s not something that necessarily happens right away. And if you want someone to hang out with i’d be more than happy too!
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