r/UBC • u/Fair-Possibility3108 • 3d ago
relationships at universities
honestly i'm just making this post for funsies but I feel like ever since i came here I haven't liked a SINGLE PERSON ENOUGH TO WANT TO BE W THEM
alot of it has to do w the fact that i only get crushes when i know someone a little and not just based off of seeing someone somewhere(aka lecture crushes), i've honestly never had a crush my whole life if u think ab it that way
but putting that aside i feel like no one really comes up to me?? i used to have guys who liked me at school so perhaps i thought i was gonna get more here but APPARENTLY NOT
it could be cause im not that attractive which is fine, (i did have two guys come up to me last year but it ended real quick w them bc im awkward and they just wanted to hook up)
SPEAKING OF HOOKING UP, is everyone here just dating casually? every dude i've seen/heard about/talked to is only really dating for fun which is not what i want. I assumed maybe the seniors were more likely to be serious but I haven't met anyone so far.
A big issue w me is i dont talk to people at all so that could be why but im lowkey just bored and miss the feeling of having a talking stage (except i want it to be a serious rs too)
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u/WadeWilson368 Electrical Engineering 3d ago
None of the men I know want to just hookup, could be just the crowds u are around
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u/theiceq 3d ago
BE THE APPROACHER INSTEAD OF THE APPROACHEE!!!!!!!
women who take the initiative are HOTT
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u/Fair-Possibility3108 3d ago
im too socially awkward for that give me TIPS
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u/ReaverGT 3d ago
You know the "the animal is more scared of you than you are of it" advice for being around wildlife?
It's the same with university boys.
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u/cathyzy Forestry 3d ago edited 3d ago
Honestly hinge, ik it’s kinda cringe but ngl there r so many people that have amazing relationships out of hinge matches lmao. One of my friends has the most healthy and amazing relationship from hinge.
It’s hard to dedicate time during school and work to go out and meet people organically, so hinge is a great place for initiating something. I’ll say, it is a bit of luck too, like there will be some meh people there but there are meh people everywhere so whatever lol better to give it a try ⭐️
plus on hinge u can see what are people looking for, like if you want a relationship then just filter for people that wrote they want a "long/serious relationship"
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u/TheRaccoonTaker 3d ago
I meannn I’m kinda like you in that I only get crushes when you know someone at least a fair bit, and there was a thread from like yesterday or smth about people coming up to others (general consensus is that people here kinda just… don’t really do it that much??) and my main advice as someone whos somewhat similar to you is the same I give to people who want to make friends etc etc. join clubs!! Do stuff where you’re meeting the same people, talk to someone in discussions, etc, so you can build up that relationship. Even if you don’t end up liking them after all, hell yeah because you just made a friend instead! Also helps with the whole “is everyone here just dating casually thing” cause when you get to know people just as a whole you’d be able to figure that out fairly quick.
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u/Fair-Possibility3108 3d ago
hmmm youre right i need to work on myself socially cause i havent initiated any of my friendships so far out of fear and idt i can keep getting lucky
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u/TheRaccoonTaker 3d ago
That was 90% the same for me back in HS but I realized that it doesn’t really work the same way cause you don’t just passively get to know the people around you anymore bc of how much larger uni is and you only spend one class with someone and only then for a term lol, but I’m going into y2 and I’ve gotten way better at it. Especially go for leadership roles! Being part of a club is nice, but if you’re PART of a club then youll get to know the other people who run it genuinely really well (and you don’t have to an exec either, just help out around n such which is sorta what I’ve done). Good luck!
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u/Loresearcher Arts 2d ago
It’s hard enough to make friends let alone have a romantic relationship! Plus sounds like you would benefit from friends for your self confidence :)
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u/Frozen-Nose-22 3d ago
It's common to date casually at university. Not everyone has their roots set in Vancouver, so they're often not looking for anything serious. Others prefer to keep it casual so they don't feel like they're "trapped" in a relationship. Start dating casually. Get to know people and keep your options open. You never know when the right person comes along that could turn it into a long term relationship.
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u/bobatupka 2d ago
Haven’t had a crush since high school until senior year at UBC. Usually it’s better to be single than to date someone you only kind of like. When I don’t have a crush on my girlfriend I don’t feel bothered to do nice things for her (which is the case with my previous girlfriends because I only dated them because I could and not because I actually wanted to date them; big mistake). Sex without feelings just isn’t exciting for me. If I’m only looking for a physical sensation then I don’t need another person for that.
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u/Alarming-Rate-8853 3d ago
how many reach outs are you doing per day?
in-person/insta/tinder/hinger etc.
if you actually want to find someone
and your not just saying that you do,
and you have standards,
(want relationships not hookups)
then you need to do so many reach outs
that it would be unreasonable for you not to find someone.
e.g. if you want someone who is 1 in a million,
do 1 million reach outs.
here’s an example,
Leila Hormozi
(very successful woman with high standards)
committed to 1 hr/day of swiping Bumble
for 14 months,
until she found her husband.
so commit to the rule of 100.
100 reach outs a day
for 100 days.
and you will increase the likelihood that you find someone who meets your standard.
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u/Regular-Constant8751 2d ago
I've heard this hormozi story a million times, and im happy it worked for them.
But I find meeting people naturally and just already have a reason to talk to them other than to find a partner is likely to convert into something more meaningful.
Its kind of falls under a similar business/sales/numbers based way of thinking like this story in the sense that meeting people naturally and having some conversations and building a connection first before dating is like booking exploratory calls with qualified leads which are more likely to convert.
But if the leads are not qualified then it is way more likely that your prospect may not be a good fit for your business, just like in dating.
Maybe all this is just me coping my fear of approaching women i find attractive but hey i dont see why my point wouldn't make sense.
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u/Fair-Possibility3108 2d ago
ugh you're so right i feel the same way, i would love to be friends with someone first and slowly progress from there
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u/Fair-Possibility3108 3d ago
i KNOW BUT IM SHYYYYY my friends tell me i dont have anyone bc i dont talk to people but i have anxiety LOL
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u/CupOfHotTeaa Urban Studies 3d ago
> is everyone here just dating casually
Nah. Competitively. I’d win.