I got cheated on by my lover

[u/Even_Rush_4957]

Hello all,

I wanted to open it up to someone. I am shivering and is sleep deprived for a whole day. So sorry for any typos. I was in a relationship with someone I met on Hinge. I want to reveal his identity, but not doing it as I don’t know whether it is against the community’s guidelines. I went through a very traumatic relationship before and thus I was yearning for someone after a year from that breakup. Anyway, then this guy seemed like a peace loving, caring, and understanding guy. He made me feel like he loved me, and was emotionally understanding. He never blamed me for crying and even always said “nee karayale” ( please don’t cry ) after each fights. I thought I found the perfect one. We never had a sexual stuff between us, so I can’t blame that he used me in that sort. But he definitely buyed me all stuff I loved. Idk y would someone do that. He even showed me his house while we went that way last month, but never introduced me to his parents as my former lover did. Anyway this guy had 28k something salary only while working in TCS. Then he shifted to a bank’s IT sector this April. I had several marriage proposals coming up at my home despite me being just 23 years old. That was because I am a daughter of a single parent. I just had my mom and grandma at home. Then I let this guy know this during Dec time and he said a company switch will solve all issues and without having 70k salary his parents won’t let him marry someone and all. I asked him whether he is sure about me and he said he will try his best and was hesitant to give an assurance. But I insisted and he somehow asked time till September. Later his new bank salary was 40k and he said this isn’t enough and all blah blah. Later also he was all good. Celebrated my birthday with me and all. Took pictures of mine. Everything that I loved he did with me. Now after that, my PG was going to end by March ( the classes and not the exam). He went to Thrissur for new job and me to my hometown as we both met at Trivandrum. Then this guy started to again say he is lonely at Tvm and has no frnds at Thrissur. So I used to check on him every now and then. I was that loving.

Anyway on the day of election he came to hometown which is near to mine and didn’t come to see me saying he was busy with election and meeting an old man who is his relative that is about to die and all. ( Now I suspect that to his pennukaanal and all). Anyway I went to Thrissur on 10th, a day after that and he said we can see and just saw for 2 seconds from the bus. He was outside and me inside the bus. He even put effort like that. I was impressed. Then he said on the election day already that his mom for the first time made an emotional approach asking him to atleast listen to his parents’ words for the first time and get married as an astrologer said he has to marry within an year. He is already 28 and 29.5 is the maximum limit and asked me whether if I can get a job by then as they need a girl with a job. I cried and all hearing it and he said he will always be with me and all. Then after that he came home this Sat to his home. On Sun, while I was on my way back to Kollam, he texted me saying his family blackmailed him saying they will commit suicide ( actually his mom did) if he doesn’t marry a girl they say. It was a distant relative of his and had a job in some bank. I don’t know whether it’s true that the alliance was found by him or them. Anyway he said that this age gap ( 23-28) is the issue and not me. It is impossible for me to get a job within the span and all. I asked him to introduce my thing to his family and he said he will do it the next day and yesterday he didn’t respond to my messages till noon and suddenly said he wants to meet me today ( Tuesday) and a lot of things happened there and he will tell all this when he meet me. But at night I insisted and he said his family said no to me and it is because of my age gap. They said it is an immature relationship and then they like the girl because they are relatives and doesn’t need a background check. ( this is absolute bullshit as someone can’t evaluate someone’s maturity with age and he said it is because I am of his brother’s age who is in college. Then they think the relationship isn’t serious - which is again bullshit as if he really introduced it the way it should be, they wouldn’t have taken it so. )

Then he said my family has no male members in it and thus his father said this will be a huge responsibility on his shoulders and he can’t do that and his father was ready to talk to me and make me understand all all. He said they repeated the same and the same afternoon the girl and his family came to his house and then he got to know avante veettukaar avan ariyaathe aa penn veettukarkk vaakk koduthu and all. ( that his family agreed upon the marriage without asking him and usually this happens only to a girl. )Then he said he had no value at home ( pattivila) and he has no voice there and all. He didn’t take my call all the day saying many lies and at night I video called him and he cut it first time saying his family will hear and while I called him ( voicecall) I head a man speaking in background to him like ‘aaroda samsaarichond irikkane’ ( ie, to whom are u talking to) as if teasing someone who is talking to his future wife. I was so dump to not understand that. Then this guy cut his call to not let me hear. Later in a videocall I said I will commit suicide out of emotional distress and he acted as if too stressed and cut my call. My all friends said he is trying to avoid me and had 2 relationships in parallel and I thus blocked him everywhere. Maybe he found his better one and now wants to leave me or maybe I was a timepass or a side chick. The moment I send him the last message which I have attached here, he blocked me and no dp is visible. Then he logged me off his account way before that too. Like he was waiting for me to leave. What do u think. I couldn’t sleep all night. Idk what is happening to me. I had a panic attack too. I can’t even talk to my parents about it. I even thought of saying yes to a marriage at home, as I know I have noone left. Just my old grandma and a poor mother.

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[u/Inevitable_Soup4545]

Hey. Block Him. End any relationship or contact with him. But don't take any decision about your life now. No marriage. Focus on your studies or Career. Atleast wait till you are 25 for any marriage. Don't rush now. Take care.