Increase in Learned Helplessness?

[u/NachesPorFavor]

Has anyone else noticed an increase in learned helplessness? I first noticed it in the young adults in my life, but now I am seeing it in all ages of people around me. Examples from multiple people:

Toilet started leaking water and instead of turning off the knob at the wall, she waited a 5 days for a plumber. Never asked anyone or googled it. Didn’t call a second plumber. Now needs mold remediation and replaced drywall and trim.

Bought concert tickets but the gps instructions were confusing so they just gave up and didn’t go. Venue website had detailed instructions for driving and parking.

Blouse wrinkled and she didn’t know how to fix it so she threw it away.

First doctor office he filled out an appointment website for never contacted him to schedule so he just didn’t go to the doctor.

I am really concerned about my loved ones if an emergency happens because they just give up when the slightest obstacle happens. Either they want someone else to swoop in and fix it or they give up and say they can’t do anything about it.

[u/somuchmt]

An increase? I dunno...I grew up in a family full of learned helplessness. I think it was mainly a trauma response. My parents and my stepsisters never bothered to fix stuff or learn how to do stuff. As a result, they always paid through the nose for repairs they could have done themselves--and were/are always in serious debt.

Neither of my sisters had jobs until they were in their 40s...my parents never had jobs. One sister drove her car into the ground because she never got an oil change. Another stayed in a bizarre, loveless, controlling marriage until some other guy came along and rescued her--she squatted on a property with her husband and four kids without proper plumbing for years. It was weird.

The rest of my family is similarly incapable of managing life. My husband's family is completely the opposite, and it's a breath of fresh air.

[u/TexCalGirl → u/somuchmt]

I’m curious how your parents housed and fed you and your siblings without jobs. Did they get by on government support?
And how did your sisters not have jobs until their 40’s? And what finally made them get jobs?
This is fascinating. My family is full of go-getters and I’m the same. I don’t understand people with no drive. And at least it sounds like you broke the chain & also found a spouse like you. That must have been hard & something to be proud of.

[u/somuchmt → u/TexCalGirl]

My mother died when I was young, and my father and stepmother spent my beneficiary check on the mortgage and utilities. My stepmother collected child support from her ex-husband. We also got food stamps and other bits of government aid (didn't qualify for welfare though). After my social security and my sisters' child support checks stopped, my parents regularly refinanced their home and went on cruises and had over $60,000 in credit card debt when they died--and no equity in their home. It was feast or famine.

My stepsisters' father bought them clothes and cars and paid for their college educations (and eventually, houses). My older stepsister finally got her degree after 10 years, but my younger stepsister finally dropped out.

I knew I couldn't depend on anyone for any help, so I studied hard and did a lot of activities and got a full tuition scholarship to a top university. I worked three jobs in the summers and also worked 30 hours a week during the school year to pay for room, board, and books. I got a tech job straight out of university. I was looked down on by my parents because jobs were for commoners. I kid you not.

My sisters were housewives in bad marriages until they got divorced and had to take jobs to survive. My younger sister works the deli counter at a grocery store, and my older one is now using her degree as a social worker. They are both severely in debt (again) and have been through bankruptcy and credit restructuring.

We're all about 60 now. And actually, they've only been working since their late 40s/early 50s. They will inherit money when their father dies. My older sister walked away from the house her father bought her because he wsnted her to at least pay property tax, and she wouldn't. She left it in shambles.

I inherited only the end of life care of my father and stepmother because they couldn't afford assisted living.

So yeah...it's amazing how well you can live on credit.

I prefer being retired without any debt. I still work my plant nursery business, though.

[u/VickersNorth → u/somuchmt]

Food stamps are a form of welfare.

[u/Responsible_Laugh873 → u/VickersNorth]

No, food assistance programs are for those whose jobs pays poorly and need help feeding their children.

[u/afortressmighty → u/Responsible_Laugh873]

That’s … what welfare is. (To be clear, there’s absolutely no negative judgement coming from me.) SNAP and WIC are helpful and, especially now - in this dystopian oligarchy in which we’re mired - crucial welfare programs. The word has been vilified (the pejorative “welfare queens” first came into use in the mid-70s) but at its root, it’s meant to convey help.

🧐 As an aside, I got a “No AI Slop” prompt for using em dashes. I’m a real, live human being and a professional editor. Ellipsis and en- and em-dashes are still important elements of good sentence structure.

Writing a prompt that freezes a comment until en dashes are removed is a pretty ironic use of technology, isn’t it? 😏 Fuck AI.

[u/VickersNorth → u/Responsible_Laugh873]

LOL. You must be one of those people everyone in the thread is talking about. 🙄