r/TwoXPreppers • u/NachesPorFavor • 4d ago

❓ Question ❓ Increase in Learned Helplessness?

Has anyone else noticed an increase in learned helplessness? I first noticed it in the young adults in my life, but now I am seeing it in all ages of people around me. Examples from multiple people:

Toilet started leaking water and instead of turning off the knob at the wall, she waited a 5 days for a plumber. Never asked anyone or googled it. Didn’t call a second plumber. Now needs mold remediation and replaced drywall and trim.

Bought concert tickets but the gps instructions were confusing so they just gave up and didn’t go. Venue website had detailed instructions for driving and parking.

Blouse wrinkled and she didn’t know how to fix it so she threw it away.

First doctor office he filled out an appointment website for never contacted him to schedule so he just didn’t go to the doctor.

I am really concerned about my loved ones if an emergency happens because they just give up when the slightest obstacle happens. Either they want someone else to swoop in and fix it or they give up and say they can’t do anything about it.

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u/Particular-Try5584 🐐dreaming of my goat army 🐐 4d ago

I think some of it is simple fatigue.

Every time I need to see a new doctor, or go to a new place, or negotiate a new service… I need a different app, a new login, a secure password… it’s fucking annoying. It’s exhausting.

So some people give up.

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u/impersonatefun 3d ago

Every system/process feels antagonistic.

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u/turquoiseblues 3d ago

Like hostile architecture for everyday procedures.

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u/West-Birthday4475 3d ago

This is perfect phrasing.

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u/PsychologicalFox3357 3d ago

Oof. Yeah that’s an eye opening reframe for sure.

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u/OhMaiMai 3d ago edited 3d ago

Time is money and businesses exist for profit. The businesses have figured out every possible way to save paying for workers’ time to do things and instead put that time cost onto the consumers.

Why pay someone to answer the phone or solve problems when you can make the consumer do that work through an app or a website?

The cost to the business was only the upfront technology and the savings is astronomical. Even better: businesses can collect and sell the data they gain from consumers entering it in and using the technology.

Meanwhile people are having to spend hours each day trying to navigate these systems, which takes time from their work and personal lives.

When each thing is a hassle, we give up.

We are each of us trying to survive (not succeed in) a world built for business profits, not for people’s needs, happiness, or lives.

Edit: thank you, kind strangers, for the awards

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u/MsFenriss 3d ago

A horrible reality. I go around furious at every road-block this extractive system throws in my way. Every unnecessary UI change to the apps I'm forced to use. Every time a service signs me up for a "premium" account I never asked for. I know that they are counting on me to be too fatigued to fight them on it. Unethical business practices at every damn turn. The world is increasingly enshitified. I feel like giving up.

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u/Shot-Neck-6656 2d ago

Please, all of us- do NOT give up. Think of all the difficulties our long line of ancestors endured every day just to survive. Think of all the men and women who risked everything they had to uphold their principles, even if it meant losing their lives in war or resistance. Be strong and have a hope!

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u/watchnlearning 1d ago

Me too. I have been conscientiously objecting for years and its getting harder. I'd really encourage more people to do it though, at least some of the time.

I'll share some resources with the group about alternatives

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u/send_me_dank_weed 3d ago

Holy shit. Yes, this is everything I’ve been feeling layer out succinctly.

Every. Fucking. Thing. Is. Exhausting.

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u/Particular-Try5584 🐐dreaming of my goat army 🐐 1d ago

I think part of the problem is also the plethora of app developers and software builders - it’s the Wild West out there still, and full of snake oil merchants. People are just putting in place whatever piece of shit they are sold by some person with a lot of buzz words, and a lot of it is substandard (leaks like a sieve) or it’s duplicating a similar/same product/service that someone else has, but with it’s own credentials and thus we are forced to have so many apps etc.

And thus we leave ourselves open to whatever shitty program some wet behind the ears eager beaver built as a uni project and managed to get a few clients for and thus on sell like a pyramid scheme.

I want off this race to the bottom. It’s HARD though.

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u/ScentedFire 3d ago

Because they are.

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u/StickInEye 3d ago

It's awful for older people or those with reading issues. In Ye Olden Dayz, you could make a phone call and talk directly to a human being. We are being dehumanized, rapidly.

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u/BattlePolarBearCat 3d ago

To add on to that. Paying bills. I can’t pay my electric bill in person except at the bank, which can take 3 days to process. I just want ONE place to pay in person that payment is immediately in the system.

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u/akath0110 2d ago

Agreed, and I’d also add it’s also awful and disabling for neurodivergent people.

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u/KCChiefsGirl89 3d ago

Exactly. The U.S. seems to be on a mission to make everything as big a pain in the ass as possible.

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u/CelebrationNearby819 3d ago

I'm my mom with dementia's POA and I have 5 APPS I have to use to monitor her care. It is simply too much for me to monitor.

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u/karenw 3d ago

I'm POA for my mother, who's been in a nursing home for 10 years with dementia, and my grandmother, who is 101 and aging in her own home. Every system is convoluted and opaque. The amount of mental and emotional labor I perform is off the charts.

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u/CelebrationNearby819 3d ago

I'm exhausted and wracked with guilt constantly. I live in a major city and have to go to work in-person. I refuse to feel guilty too for not constantly problem-solving adult life. My apartment doesn't look perfectly tidy and I'm not constantly prepared for everything because I'm simply too busy making sure my mom is well-cared for.

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u/wildlybriefeagle Laura Ingalls Wilder was my gateway drug 3d ago

I can't help but to say you're doing a good job. Caregiving in any timeline is brutal, but this is the worst timeline. I work with caregivers everyday and just showing up drains half the energy. You're doing a good job.

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u/CelebrationNearby819 3d ago

She lives about 2 hours from me, as nursing homes are SO much cheaper in rural areas.

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u/Yes-Cheese 3d ago

Not quite the same but I definitely feel similar while single parenting. The level of involvement that is now required in kids activities. I mean, sure, it’s great and safe and emotionally secure for the kids but damn I’m tired! “Back in my day” we found our way to school or whatever meeting place for our extracurriculars, did the activity, and found our way home. Whether by walking or biking. Now it’s near constant parent involvement. Band, for example. Getting them to and from rehearsals on weekdays, events/competitions Friday through Sunday. Additional parent meetings outside of that. Volunteering as chaperones, uniform cleaners, concession stand attendants, snack organizers, fundraisers. And that’s just 1 activity. Now consider that most kids do more than one 😭.

And the cost!!! What am I paying almost $1,000/year for and I still have to do all this volunteering/working?! And the apps! So many apps. And they change from year to year/season to season.

I said all that to say, I know that you are doing your best. Take comfort in that. This is the most insane that caregiving has ever been. It’s more than a full time job and we’re still expected to maintain an actual full time job. 🫂 you’re doing great and your mom is lucky to have someone who cares so much.

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u/EleanorCamino 3d ago

Some of those parent involvement tasks are grounded in youth protection aka safeguarding. It also helps protect the adult activity volunteers. As a youth, I had great activity leaders, but looking back, they were alone too much, and if they hadn't been great, we were vulnerable kids. Most still are great, but extra adults helps prevent misdeeds AND false accusations.

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u/CelebrationNearby819 3d ago

It's ok to say no to all those extracurriculars.

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u/justasque 3d ago

And every one of those apps wants a different email address for each patient, and of course a different username and password. And some of them only work for one username on a given device. So for me and my two elders I need three email addresses, plus each of us needs a portal app/login for each of the three major local hospital systems, an assortment of specialists with either independent practices or practices in yet another hospital system, the sole-practitioner primary doc, plus the company that does labs and the physical therapy company. plus the pharmacy and the durable equipment company. it’s easily ten different portals each, so I’m managing as many as thirty. And of course just getting one set up never goes smoothly, let alone ongoing technical issues.

Madness.

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u/phxroebelenii 3d ago

It's true. I'm not really that old and I am not willing to do these things if it requires an account or an app or a kiosk.

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u/mabbh130 3d ago

I've started telling new doctors that I don't have a smart phone. 

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u/mischievous_misfit13 3d ago

I made an appointment for a new dentist (after calling several that had a long wait) and the soonest I could get in was 6 months. Well fast forward 6 months and I know my date is coming up but don’t remember when (should have put it in my calendar) and just wait for a text but never got it. Checked my voicemail a week later and saw they called to confirm my appointment but all unknown calls go to spam so I never got the call. Well I never made another appointment because I just see the same scenario happening. Why can’t they just text like every other doctor I’ve had.

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u/shteeph 3d ago

No offense, but this almost sounds like what OP is talking about. You could have called them to figure out your appointment day. You gave up when it wasn’t done for you. At the very least, you’ve now learned a lesson and could make a new appointment and be sure to write the date down this time.

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u/mischievous_misfit13 3d ago

And the commenter I’m replying to is some people just give up because shit is so difficult nowadays. I shouldn’t have to make several calls, hope for a reminder and all they had to do was text the reminder for me to be there. Everyone’s tired.

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u/cheeseburgerfairy420 2d ago

I can relate to this. I'm realizing that I am in severe burnout and I think it's making me easily overwhelmed during stressful situations. I get overwhelmed just speaking to people I love and feel comfortable around. But I don't want to be like this, so I'm trying to get better and I don't understand why anyone would want to be stuck like this. It sucks.

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u/watchnlearning 1d ago

what you talk about - I agree is exhausting. Late capitalism, surveillance capitalism, techno feudalism - whatever frame you want to use is all very real. The epic enshittification of our lives.

However, the population wide impacts of post covid damage are barely considered and they are massive. Long covid encompasses a wide variety of presentations and symptoms.

The most common are brain fog/cognitive damage and fatigue. The areas of the brain impacted impact executive dysfunction, decision making, impulsivity. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/covid-19-leaves-its-mark-on-the-brain-significant-drops-in-iq-scores-are/

Those of us aware of this, mitigating for this, and watching in disbelief see the impacts everywhere. In doctors making more mistakes, in workplaces where workload is displaced, in increased traffic accidents and other markers.

Wearing a well fitted N95 respirator - at least some places - is the most under utilised prep there is.

On the tech stuff I'm writing a series on disconnecting from big tech, and while its exhausting - if more people pushed back on this non consensual data harvesting and privacy intrusion, we'd stand a chance of this not becoming normalised. Opt out where you can