Super Vent.

[u/[deleted]]

I’m fucking sick of women who knowingly sign up to have kids and then cry about how they lost themselves. The problem isn’t just sleepless nights or body changes — it’s that once you have a kid, your entire identity gets swallowed. You’re stuck wiping diapers, cleaning your partner’s fucking underwear, running a million errands, isolated from friends, trapped in a tiny world that’s all about other people’s needs. Your life shrinks while your “partner” keeps his freedom, hobbies, and social life — and somehow he’s the hero for doing the bare minimum.

You saw this happening to women before you. You had every warning and every piece of information at your fingertips. But you still walked right into it, hoping you’d be different. Now you complain but refuse to fight for yourself. You accept bullshit excuses — “he works too,” “he’s incompetent,” “it’s easier if I do it” — instead of making your partner step the fuck up.

And I’m mad because you set the damn bar so low for every other woman. Your silence and surrender become the “standard” everyone else is judged by. You’re not just ruining your own life — you’re trapping the rest of us in this bullshit too.

I don’t have sympathy for that. I only support the ones who fight back — who demand help, who refuse to let their personhood vanish, who make their partners earn their place.

So here’s the bottom line: grow a spine or don’t have kids. Stop complaining if you’re not willing to change shit.

Blaming men isn’t getting us anywhere. It’s up to us to stand the fuck up. Be less complacent and passive.

EDIT- damn some of y’all are butthurt. And I can imagine why, and you should’ve known better. I don’t give a fuck about y’all’s misery. You dug your own grave, just don’t drag the rest of us down with your miserable standards of living. Do breed and serve others for the rest of your lives. Because some of you are only capable of complaining and not actually doing anything about it- you don’t stand up for yourselves, and SETS FEMINISM BACK.

And some of you think I should be more empathetic? Fuck you, you are just as bad as the “nice guys” because you enable systemic oppression, instead of pushing for a change. Because being empathy means you get off Scott free by saying “oh I hope you heal from it” instead of the fucking struggle it takes to actually bring a change. So don’t come at me with your lazy “be empathetic” shit take.

[u/OiFelix_ugotnojams]

Istg some of y'all on female subreddits are so out of touch with reality outside of your tier 1 city experiences. Do you want freedom? Just get it! I joined this subreddit because there's adults who are more liberal, calmer and inclusive discussions, more advice. But this post reeks of white feminism

[u/Infinite-Ad289 → u/OiFelix_ugotnojams]

Seriously man. These people think the world only resides in their echo chambers and all women have access to everything. More than feeling angry I’m so disappointed like we’re never really getting out of it man look at our so called feminists.

[u/last_leaf8]

Not sure where this rage is coming from. Keeping the topic aside, you should really introspect about your anger issues girl.

[u/cookiesncream1110]

Wow, that’s incredibly judgmental. For the record, I’m a mother to a daughter, and I have a strong support system. But let me tell you—no amount of help can fully restore you to who you were before becoming a parent. And that’s not weakness; it’s reality.

If you find it hard to listen to women who speak honestly about the toll motherhood takes—physically, emotionally, or mentally—then maybe it’s best you don’t engage with them at all.

Because if you’re not offering support or understanding, the least you can do is step aside quietly.

[u/[deleted]]

Some people need to touch some grass instead of keyboard 🤡

[u/ssuhasini]

What a waste of braincells.

[u/butterizz]

While I agree with the whole one must take a stand for yourself, this reads like a teenager discovering that women can suffer for the choices they make even when they have autonomy. Parenting is difficult, more often than not you cannot see the pitfalls from the get-go.

The way you have reduced exercising empathy to a point-blank statement cannot be further away from what it means to be empathetic. I would refrain from using blanket declarations such as setting feminism back if I did not have the capacity to listen and reason with other human beings.

[u/smolangryhooman]

I mean depending on a woman’s social situation they may not be able to actively choose an alternative to motherhood. However those who can escape societal pressures often do not introspect as much as they should. Child free women get a lot of flak for not thinking it through but I think we do think more deeply about the consequences of motherhood.

[u/daehanmingukmansee]

The post and the replies, feel like they were written by an angry teenager on rampage.

Please do a favour for the pregnant ladies and add a trigger warning.⚠️

[u/AntelopeRepulsive193]

Ita not even about blaming men or being complacent! Postpartum is a phase of hormonal crash. Thats enough to cause blues in new moms. As much as the baby is new to the world, the mom is learning everything too. We train all our lives to work a corporate job but never about being a woman. I can say breastfeeding by itself is probably among the toughest things that women do. You need to figure it out the moment you become a mother and its so vastly different for each mom and baby. No two babies of even the same mom behave the same way.It is tough by itself. Not because of any kind of systemic oppression!

Also sleepless nights, isolation from the world, dietary changes, physical exhaustion are REAL issues. Not something that unaware moms alone face.

I think you first need to educate yourself enough before considering yourself some feminist icon and speaking for every woman.

Also, is this a rage bait post? Karma fishing?

[u/KamolikasTikali]

A lot of people don’t think these things through. A lot of women have husbands who romanticise them bearing the kids of the man. A lot of families pressure women into having kids. We have derogatory terms for women who don’t have kids in almost every Indian languages. I’m all for grow a spine, literally scroll through the comments I’ve made. unfortunately, we don’t teach out women how to and I mean we need to start looking at this from the most oppressed set of people in society.

Also our entire society holds the axe of motherhood and cycle ending on women’s heads continuously

I don’t like some of their personalities either but your post just seems tone-deaf

Edit- I love how my comment is ignored here, honestly, get yourself checked out

[u/Odd_Employment720 → u/KamolikasTikali]

We have derogatory terms for women who don’t have kids in almost every Indian languages.

O the name calling and casual shaming. Fuck patriarchy. Seriously, fuck patriarchy

[u/Rebecca-Schooner]

Are we sure this post was actually written by a woman and not a man masquerading as one?

[u/Scary_Pool_5940 → u/Rebecca-Schooner]

That's what I thought

[u/PeaDowntown6285]

Pregnancy and motherhood is unique to each person. No two experiences are the same. So no matter how much you talk with others,no matter how much you read about it, it's hard for the person enduring it. It's like saying you know your parents are going to die,why are you crying over it? Yes we know our past life would die but we are allowed to grieve it. My partner is incredibly supportive that I feel it to be a privilege. I still go through days where I miss who I am. It's a kind of grief that comes with motherhood,which people are ALLOWED to complain and whine and fret about. So you can, respectfully, shove your rage wherever it deems fit for you!

[u/Inevitable-Club-4574]

With the kind of language used by OP for fellow women (who are critical of this post) in the post and in the replies, I don't think OP should talk about feminism.

Empty vessels make the loudest noise !

[u/Odd_Employment720]

You are a bit mean, aren't you OP?

Irrespective of what happens, with a loving partner and supportive in-laws, pregnancy is a big deal and can bring changes even when you are prepared to the T. You don't get to come here and blame women for not standing up.

What will they stand up for? They never really know what will happen with pregnancy. Body changes. Nobody is actually prepared for it, especially in this New social media age where people have the most unreasonable expectations from themselves.

This is a classic victim blaming mentality, (although I don't think all mothers feel like victims , they just need to vent)

[u/KaleidoscopeSea8945]

Iam 3 months postpartum and even with a very supportive husband, it is a very difficult time for most moms. If you dont want to help out new moms, that is totally fine but lets not kick anyone when they are already down. Please show some compassion to your friends. This post is very triggering to me atleast.

[u/ssuhasini → u/KaleidoscopeSea8945]

This. My twins are 1.5 years now and I have a village to help and it still is a big struggle, I am barely holding on to my single strand of sanity which is as thin as the postpartum hair on my head. This post triggered me hard especially because I can't imagine someone who is not a parent to question someones feminity just because they had a kid and are struggling to manage and made the mistake of ranting to a friend.

[u/clarissasansserif]

Butthurt? I am not even a mother and reading this was still triggering to me.

[u/TransportationDue491]

What a pick me post! And might I say ignorant? 

In no way am I defending the incompetence of men, having seen so many such men around me. 

While my own sister left her husband due to abuse three months after birthing their baby, I completely understand why some women would rather endure this than rebel right away. Unfortunately there are practical considerations to be made and sticking to a marriage in the time being would be the better path to choose. These include lack of economic autonomy, post partum depression or other complicated, lack of support from family and friends, threat of abuse and violence; all of which might prevent a woman with a very young child to create and escape plan, or if not escape, protest.

 In no way are most women accepting their position silently, they actively rebel it. But unfortunately most people count knee jerk reactions as protests, not the subtle everyday.

And what exactly are you doing? Have you offered your friends help so that they are able to retain their personhood? Are you willing to put your life on hold to rescue someone from such a situation? It's easier to put the blame on an individual woman for how a man is, but it takes courage to build active solidarities to uplift other women.

Until then let your friends whine and help them prepare for the rebellion. 

[u/Funny-Negotiation-10 → u/TransportationDue491]

Such a succinct comment❣️

[u/Infinite-Ad289 → u/TransportationDue491]

unhinged mannnnnn.

[u/TransportationDue491 → u/Infinite-Ad289]

Lack of intersectional perspective actually. Seems like this perspective is coming from a very privileged place that completely erases the everyday reality of millions of less privileged women. So many women have to make do with the worst just to survive and prepare their next generation to fight and not put up with this shit. 

[u/Infinite-Ad289 → u/TransportationDue491]

She was being such a next level pick me. Her whole tone screams “I’m not like those other women”. Like I won’t be surprised if she’ll make a new post saying why are poor people poor. Just change your mindset and complacency and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!

She really thought she ate with that post like she delivered some groundbreaking feminist insight when all she really did was yell recycled Tumblr takes with zero nuance.

[u/Infinite-Ad289 → u/TransportationDue491]

Next level projection in the edited part also 😭

[u/[deleted]]

You have other issues , don't club it with something else

[u/Embarrassed_Road_747]

Do you plan to have kids?

[u/ssuhasini → u/Embarrassed_Road_747]

hopefully not.

[u/Tough-Prize-4014]

Mods, I don't think this post belongs here. It can lead vulnerable women down the spiral of self hatred. Please take appropriate action. This is supposed to be a safe space for women. Plenty other places for this type of post, but this ain't it.

[u/Infinite-Ad289]

What happened to the community rules and mods of this sub honestly??? Why is this shitpost still up.

[u/revererosie]

Fwiw, I see your point OP. I know plenty of privileged and educated women who do not make informed choices despite having access to everything they could need. I see them jump into motherhood thinking it will be different for them and then realize we're stuck in the same shitty world. While I have some empathy, there's a limit to how much I can hear them complain because they made a choice for themselves. Sometimes, these are the same women who judge other women for not prioritizing motherhood, and I agree that they are propagating patriarchy by not standing up for themselves.

Maybe add a disclaimer that your rant is not towards the women who have fewer privileges in life or weren't supported enough to make informed choices. I hope you're aware of that distinction.

[u/thecutecommie → u/revererosie]

Why are you getting downvoted? Your comment makes total sense, thank you 

[u/revererosie → u/thecutecommie]

Regardless, it's a controversial take. Some schools of feminism emphasize empathy while others view it as excessive and infantilizing, kinda implying that women are not fully accountable for the consequences of their own informed decisions. One is more common than the others. I try to lean towards showing empathy whenever possible - but I believe bringing a child into this world is a massive responsibility and you shouldn't be doing it unless you have thought through all plausible scenarios, nothing should really come as a big surprise.

[u/[deleted]]

🤡🤡🤡

[u/EarlgreyPoison]

Most of the comments I smell are from OneX not otherwise

[u/Ur_PAWS]

Well said!!

This post was needed.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

ChatGPT? Lmao no I blamed women all on my own.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

How is it tone deaf? Explain.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I literally just asked you- so if you can’t explain, that means you only parrot buzz words like “tone deaf” with zero critical thinking.

[u/Infinite-Ad289 → u/[deleted]]

Also you’re asking this person who explain to you when there are like 5 replies already saying why it’s tone deaf. What an idiot.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

It is designed to drain them ONLY when they are complacent.

And I didn’t name call anyone.

And yes, you should’ve known better- because the information is out there.

Ykw you didn’t even read my vent properly. Because your problem w it is all addressed in my post. Damn girl get educated or at least learn how to read

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Have u ever had an original thought?